


Lost & Found

by TwilightHayley



Category: Cow Chop, The Creatures (Youtube RPF)
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Muteness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 23:46:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 58,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11611464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightHayley/pseuds/TwilightHayley
Summary: James Wilson was born without a soulmark, living his life without ever knowing the first words he’d hear from his soulmate. He thought that meant he didn’t have one…until he meets Aleksandr Marchant, a selective mute with a traumatic past. They are destined to be together, but their journey to happiness will not be easy.





	1. Prologue

White, scorching heat twines under his skin, swelling beneath his ribs…and James can’t breathe.

Blindly he reaches for something -anything - to hold onto, and manages to grasp the white marble of his bathroom sink. The cool texture does nothing to soothe the unbearable pain erupting in his body, and a strangled, agonised cry escapes his lips.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror; notes his pallid, ashen skin and the sweat beading along his temples…and sees death itself in his reflection.

He refuses to give in, desperate to cling on to life…and he closes his eyes, conjuring fragmented images and memories of the only anchor that can save him.

_Aleks._

But then…he doesn’t need his memories.

His soulmate is here.

James _feels_ him, feels his gentle hands travelling across his burning skin, and he forces himself to open his eyes.

Through the red spots hazing his vision, he sees the contours of Aleks’s face, his russet eyes glistening with unshed tears.

James tries to speak, but the pain chokes him, searing his throat until his senses begin to white out…and Aleks begins to fade away.

This is it.

This is how it ends.

Love. Life. Meaning.

Over.

The last image James sees is Aleks…his scarlet lips parted in a silent scream…

And then he succumbs to the darkness.


	2. Chapter One

In a world where people were born with a soulmark, the very first words that their soulmate would ever speak to them, there wasn’t much misery or sorrow. Armed with the knowledge that one day a person would meet their soulmate to fulfill their incomplete existence, whether platonically or romantically, made the challenges of everyday life bearable.

That was true for everyone…except for James Wilson.

Ever since he was a young boy, James had known that he was different. When he watched his classmates flaunt their soulmarks, words engraved in a variety of colours and styles, he’d look down at his own skin wistfully, searching for a mark that didn’t exist.

His mother had spent his entire childhood reassuring him, promising that the soulmark would appear one day.

But it never did.

Now James was 23 years old, and he’d accepted his miserable fate. He was destined to be alone, forced to live a life without unconditional and devoted love.

He pretended that he was okay with it, brushing aside the concern of his close friends and family when they tried to comfort him. His façade was formidable, and masking how broken he was grew easier with each passing day. Disguising his shame and grief with a loud, buoyant demeanour kept his friends from asking prying questions, and allowed him to lead a semblance of a normal life.

Only when he was alone did he allow the gaping hole in his chest to consume him, to shatter the shell that he hid behind.  

~O~

Occasionally, the hollow ache in his heart affected him when he wasn’t alone, particularly when surrounded by suffocating soulmates in public.

Today was no different.

Sitting alone in one of the college campus cafés was drawing a lot of unwanted attention, and James shifted uncomfortably in his seat, unappreciative of the pitiful glances that were being thrown his way.

He silently cursed his friends for choosing to meet here, right in the midst of it all. Many of the college students in the café were seated in pairs: some couples were curled up together in booths, whilst other pairs, likely the platonic soulmates, were huddled together, talking animatedly in a language that only their soulmate could value.

As sickened as he was by the public displays of affection, he couldn’t help but stare, jealous of a relationship that he would never have. He traced tattooed skin enviously, noting the intricate swirls of colour and scripture that made every soulmark individual and unique.

Some of the soulmarks should have been hilarious, phrases like _are you high?_ and _fuck you_ , but James didn’t see the humour. Who cared what the first words were? They led to a wonderful, fulfilled life…and that was all that truly mattered.

Suddenly James felt very conscious of his own unmarked skin, so he quickly tugged the sleeves of his hoody down to cover his hands. He sank low in his seat, directing his gaze to the table in front of him, choosing to gloomily stare at the grains of wood in the surface instead. Much better than witnessing the scene of happiness around him.

“Uh-oh, I recognise that look.”

“What’s up James?”

James glanced up, glaring at both of his best friends as they joined him at the booth. “You’re late.” He said accusingly, deflecting his misery into annoyance as he forced himself into a distraction. “Where the fuck have you two been?”

“Blame Joe.” Seamus responded, wisely shifting the blame onto his roommate under the wrath of James’s scowl. “He wanted to do his laundry before we met up with you.”

“Hey, the morning is the best time to do it.” Joe replied, leaning back in his chair. “Besides, you didn’t complain when I added your clothes to mine.”

As the two began to descend into their usual brotherly bickering, James felt his misery disappear as he eased himself into the familiarity of the conversation. He knew Joe and Seamus were playing the banter up in an attempt to distract him, but James was grateful. They’d all been friends for years so they knew the true reason for his distress, and knew better than to try to talk to him about it. They would never relate to his pain as they both bore their own soulmarks, though neither one had met their soulmate yet.

Suddenly a sharp kick to his shin shook James out of his reverie, and he frowned at Seamus for the abrupt assault.

“You still with us?” Seamus asked lightly, one eyebrow raised.

James quickly nodded his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts, and forced himself to contribute to the conversation, joining Seamus with his mockery of Joe's choice of footwear.

~O~

Lunch with Seamus and Joe overran as it usually did, which meant that James was now late for his college seminar. _Great start to the new academic year Wilson_ , he thought wryly as he raced across campus, darting around dawdling students.

Hastily, he burst into the technology building, glancing down at his watch as he charged along the corridor, not really paying attention to his surroundings. Most students were in class, and he only had a couple of minutes before he—

—Suddenly, a solid weight collided into his chest.

James swore, preparing to give the person he’d crashed into a piece of his mind. He turned his head to glare down at the culprit, who had fallen to the floor from the impact.

But his sharp, biting words were never uttered, once he saw the young man in front of him. Russet eyes peered up at him through dark, brown locks, thin eyebrows drawn into a frown as he appraised James in return.

James knew that he needed to make amends, _now_. “Shit, I’m so sorry man…are you okay?”

His question was met with silence, but the guy’s eyes widened, his lips parting as he inhaled sharply.

“Did I hurt you?” James asked, alarmed by the shock that was quickly clouding the brunet’s features. He held out his hands, trying to alleviate the pain he’d caused, and he breathed a sigh of relief when his offer for help was accepted.

The brunet grasped his hands gratefully, and James swiftly yanked him to his feet, eyes frantically scanning his body for any signs of injury.

Apart from swaying a little unsteadily, the young man appeared to be fine. Still, he didn’t speak, and James realised he was staring down at their entwined hands.

Cheeks burning, James forced himself to let go. “I’m really sorry.” He echoed, beginning to back away so that he could put some distance between them. No wonder he didn’t have a soulmate…he was a mess.

A small, strangled whine escaped the brunet’s throat – a sound of panic, and James immediately froze as the young man lurched forward, shaking his head as he closed the distance between them.

He began to rifle through his backpack, tossing textbooks and sheets of paper on to the tiled floor, and James watched him in bewilderment, unsure what was happening. He vaguely wondered if the collision had caused this guy to have some kind of aneurysm, but his confusion was answered when a transformers notebook was suddenly shoved into his hands.

He raised one eyebrow at the cover, and he glanced at the brunet, unsure what he was supposed to do with it.

Rolling his eyes in exasperation, the man made a beckoning motion with his hand, which James understood. He flipped the notebook open, surprised when he saw the message that was scrawled on the first page in thick black marker.

**Hi, I’m Aleksandr Marchant (Aleks). I can’t speak, but I can understand you.**

That explained a lot. “James.” The reply was short, but only because James couldn’t think of anything else to say. He had no idea why Aleks was interested in talking to him, especially after how they had met.

The notebook was abruptly snatched out of his grasp, and James could only watch on in confusion as Aleks turned to a fresh page, yanking a pen out of his pocket to write something down.

This time, he held on to his notebook and he brandished it like a sign, holding it up so that James could clearly see his message.

**Do you have a soulmark?**

Aleks looked so hopeful, so _alive_ , his eyes wide with awe, and James crumbled under the weight of his gaze, unnerved by the question. Aleks might be mute, but _how dare he_ ask such a personal question, a topic of conversation that James had spent his entire life shying away from.

He was tempted to flee, but he found himself rooted to the ground, paralysed by Aleks’s intense stare.

“No.” He whispered, hating himself when his voice hitched.

To his horror, Aleks’s lips curved up into a smile, pleased by his answer.

James blinked, appalled by the cruel response. He’d unveiled his weakness to a complete stranger, and now he was being taunted for it.

Before he could say anything, Aleks lifted the hem of the grey shirt he was wearing, exposing the taut planes of his stomach…and the black lettering that was imprinted along his pelvic bone.

James’s eyes traced the inscription, feeling his heart begin to hammer painfully against his ribcage when he realised that they were the very same words that he’d uttered to Aleks, just after he’d crashed into him.

_Impossible._

“It’s not me.” James’s voice was choked, mourning the loss of something he’d never have. “I’m not your soulmate. I’m nobody’s soulmate. I don’t have a soulmark.”

But his words did nothing to deter Aleks, who continued to gaze at him levelly, a hopeful smile gracing his handsome face.

And then it hit him.

He didn’t have a soulmark…because his soulmate couldn’t speak.

_Oh_.

 


	3. Chapter Two

In that moment…nothing else mattered.

Not college…not James’s miserable past…not his family, not his friends.

His life was unexpectedly and dramatically altered…for the better.

He had a soulmate. He’d learned to live without love, as much as it had hurt him, but now he’d found the one.

He’d found Aleks.

Fortunately, his soulmate appeared to understand James’s spiralling thoughts. Aleks allowed him the time to process what was happening, watching him with a gentle, understanding smile.

And James was grateful…so, so grateful.

Until he realised what was engraved on Aleks’s skin forever. A swear word, an apology _and_ a question.

He might have been lucky to have Aleks…but Aleks wasn’t so fortunate to have him.

“I’m so sorry,” James said hastily, realising the irony as he repeated the words that were tattooed on his soulmate’s skin. “I’m sorry I’m not more eloquent, but I can be—”

He was promptly cut off by Aleks’s finger on his lips, swiftly ending his panic, and he stilled under the light touch.

Aleks signed something with his other hand, and James didn’t know sign language (at least, not yet) but he quickly surmised that his soulmate had told him to shut up. Not in a mean way though, judging from the playful smile that illuminated his face, his russet eyes dancing with mirth.

Then Aleks lowered his hand, much to James’s dismay, but he didn’t move away. The weight of his gaze warmed James’s skin, never believing that he would find someone who could look at him like _that_.

Like he mattered.

Distantly, James realised that the hollow ache in his chest was gone. His heart continued to pound ferociously, but it was with excitement, with hopeful apprehension for the future ahead.

Not fear…never fear.

“Do you…do you want to go and grab a coffee, or something?” He asked Aleks quietly, faltering over his words a little. He might have found his soulmate, but he was still nervous. Fate had put them together for a reason, but it didn’t mean that their now-intertwined life would be easy.

Aleks nodded, his face still glowing with happiness, and he began to walk away.

James stumbled after him, his seminar long forgotten, allowing the light of Aleks’s smile to pave the way towards _forever_.

~O~

Ironically Aleks ended up taking them to the same campus café that James had been in earlier, but his misery no longer haunted him. Being amongst the other soulmates now, James felt comfortable. He no longer felt like an outcast amongst the swarm of content couples. He belonged here now.

No matter what occurred between him and Aleks, James finally felt _normal_. He had a soulmate, just like everyone else.

A soulmate who was currently shifting his weight from one foot to the other, his earlier confidence a thing of the past as his eyes flickered from the menu to the barista waiting to serve them.

Recognising his unease, James placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I’ve got this.” He murmured, waiting until Aleks met his gaze before gesturing behind him. “Why don’t you get us a booth towards the back? Find somewhere where we can talk.”

It wasn’t until the words left his lips that James realised what he’d said, and he cringed, hoping he hadn’t offended Aleks.

However, it appeared the opposite happened; Aleks gave him a grateful smile and began to head in the direction of the tables at the back of the café, hugging his Transformers notebook to his chest as he walked away.

James didn’t realise his hands were shaking until he went to pay for their coffee, mumbling an apology when his money fell from his grasp as he leaned over the counter. “Keep the change.” He said hastily, scooping up the styrofoam cups as he backed away.

As he approached the booth Aleks had chosen, he noticed that the Transformers notebook was now open on the table, a black marker pen resting beside a two-worded message.

**Thank you _._**

“You’re welcome.” James replied as he slid into the booth opposite him, placing the coffee cups down on the table. Aleks reached for one gratefully, wrapping his long fingers around the styrofoam cup. As he did so, the sleeve of his shirt rose slightly, revealing a palette of intricate colour on his skin.

James forced himself to look away, knowing that a conversation about tattoos wasn’t appropriate right now. There were so many more meaningful things to talk about...

And yet, he suddenly couldn’t think of one thing to say. His mind was a chaotic whirlwind; bursting with questions and overwhelmed with wonder. He had no idea how to channel these new, unexpected feelings.

He glanced at Aleks instead, feeling at ease when he saw his soulmate’s understanding smile. It appeared James had been blessed with a soulmate who had the patience of a saint.

He didn’t deserve him.

“I’m sorry,” James murmured, ducking his head shyly. “I just…I don’t know what to say. I thought I was alone in the world. It never occurred to me that…that my soulmate was mute.”

He expected to hear the scratch of a pen against paper as Aleks penned a reply, but as the silence between them grew, James forced himself to glance up. 

A sad frown was marring the handsome planes of Aleks’s face, a mask that James knew all too well, having worn it often himself. Self-loathing, shame, regret…and every emotion struck James like burning lashes to his chest.

“It doesn’t matter to me,” The words tumbled easily from his lips, every instinct telling him to _fix this_ , “I don’t care about shit like that. I’m not…I’m not like that. I’ve never been…shit, I’m not making much sense am I?”

He’d succeeded…kind of. Aleks’s frown was gone but in place was a neutral expression, impossible to read.

James wondered if he’d offended him in some way. Panicked, he searched for more pearls of wisdom…only for his entire being to freeze when he felt Alek’s fingers wrap around his wrist.

His rattled thoughts were immediately obliterated by the warmth of Aleks’s skin touching his, his touch more than welcome. It was a comfort that James didn’t know he needed until that moment. He felt his breathing slow, shoulders relaxing from a strain that he hadn’t been aware of.

“You really won the lottery with me, didn’t you?” James said hoarsely, realising his joke had fallen flat when Aleks’s solemn gaze didn’t falter.

He continued to stare at him and James knew that it was useless trying to look away, as much as he wanted to. He couldn’t hide his flaws, or his inner fears. The way Aleks was looking at him…they were destined; their souls were one. Aleks would know everything about him…and in some ways, maybe he already did.

Suddenly, Aleks withdrew his hand. James didn’t even have the chance to mourn the loss of contact, distracted by the sight of Aleks scrawling a message in his notebook. There was no hesitation as he wrote, a steely determination to his penmanship as he held up the page that he’d just written on.

**I like you.**

That caused a kaleidoscope of emotion, feelings that James couldn’t name, but he felt one in particular. “You don’t know me.” He whispered, stunned by Aleks’s declaration.

Aleks smiled softly as he penned his next message, his hand moving speedily and elegantly across the page, clearly well-practised in the art of writing.

**Not yet, but I will.**

Somehow, James knew that he was telling the truth. Being unable to speak, James surmised that Aleks was only ever honest, knowing that written word was the only communication he had with most people.

“I like you too.” James’s reply rang with conviction, the most confident he’d been since he’d met Aleks.

Now it was Aleks’s turn to look away, a rose blush staining his cheeks as he wrote another message.

**So what happens now?**

James couldn’t help but grin, endeared by Aleks’s sheepish smile. _He was so fucked_. “I have no idea.” He’d never let himself envision meeting his soulmate; it had _hurt_ too much. He was truly lost, but he felt safe with Aleks as his anchor. They’d brave the tide together.

Aleks began to tap his pen against the table, seemingly lost in thought. James watched him patiently, allowing him to make the first move. He wouldn’t rush this, he _refused_ to ruin this.

It didn’t take Aleks long to think of something and he quickly reached for his notepad.

**What’s your favourite colour?**

James laughed, amused by Aleks’s attempt. “Really? You’re going to start with that?”

Aleks shrugged his shoulder, an attempt at nonchalance, but his cheeks remained flushed.

“Blue.” James said, leaning back to settle comfortably in his seat. He had a feeling they’d be playing this game for a while, and he was more than happy to oblige. “Yours?”

**Green. Favourite animal?**

“Dog.” There was no need for James to think about that answer. “I’ve always wanted one. Please tell me you’re a dog person. I don’t think we can be friends if you aren’t.”

To his delight, Aleks chuckled. James immediately committed the sound to memory, sensing its rarity and endeavouring to hear it again.

**I love dogs. I want one too.**

“Good. You’ve passed the test.” James said teasingly, smile growing when Aleks pretended to cheer. “On to the next one…what are your family like?”

He’d expected Aleks to respond immediately, the question innocent enough, but Alek’s smile began to fade. His expression tightened, as did the hold on his pen, and James thought he saw a flash of something – pain, anxiety – in his tawny eyes.

**No family. Just my roommate, Sly.**

“Cool name.” James quickly said, hoping to lighten the mood. He sensed family was an uncomfortable issue and quickly sought to move on. “It’s just me and my Mom but she lives in Pennsylvania. Got a crazy ground of friends though. They won’t believe me when I tell them about you.”

He could see the light in Aleks’s eyes gradually beginning to return, so he began to tell him about the antics he and his friends got up to, in an attempt to dispel Aleks’s discomfort.

Fortunately it worked, and the two spent the rest of the afternoon exchanging facts and sharing old memories until the café closed and they were kicked out.

“How did it get so late?” James mused as they left the café, hearing the door lock behind them. “Time flies when you’re having fun, I guess.”

Aleks nodded his head in agreement as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans, shivering from the cool evening breeze. His Transformers notebook had been placed into his backpack as they’d left, leaving him unable to respond.

Luckily, he’d clearly thought ahead. Before James could say anything, Aleks had withdrawn his phone and offered it to James, open on the new contact screen.

Quickly James punched his number in, unsurprised when Aleks began to type furiously once he’d passed his phone back to him. His thumb flew across the screen, texting with rapid accuracy.

James felt his phone vibrate in the back pocket of his jeans, and he withdrew it to see a message from an unknown number.

**_I’d say call me, but it would be pointless._ **

James’s laugh resounded through the empty café parking lot. “I’ll text you. I’d like to see you again. Soon.”

Aleks’s answering smile shone through the darkening sky.

Both hovered uncertainly, neither sure how to say goodbye. James shifted nervously, unsure how to proceed. He wasn’t sure where he stood with Aleks, knowing it was too early to decide whether they were going to be platonic or romantic soulmates. Deep down, James knew which relationship he’d rather have. It didn’t matter to him that they’d only known each other a few hours; he _knew_.

Luckily Aleks made the decision for him. He stepped forward to hug him, arms easily sliding around James’s shoulders as he drew him into his embrace. James’s mind was stunned by the gesture, but his body instantly responded. His arms wound around Aleks’s waist, tugging him closer. 

It was only meant to be a brief hug goodbye, but James’s mind hadn’t quite caught up to his body’s actions. Having Aleks in his arms felt natural, felt _right_. Their bodies slotted together effortlessly, as if Aleks belonged to be there.

James had to swallow the lump in his throat, choked by how complete he felt in that moment.

When they finally broke apart, not even the dark could conceal either of their beaming smiles.

Aleks began to back away, making a ‘call me’ gesture, much to James’s delight.

“I’ll text you later tonight.” He promised, and he meant it.

The last thing he saw before Aleks disappeared around the corner was his flushed gaze and elated smile. James knew he didn’t look much better, just as captivated by Aleks as Aleks appeared to be with him.

James continued to smile into the dark, lifting his phone to his ear with a trembling hand after making a call.

When he heard the line open, he finally allowed the events and emotions of the day to envelop him. “Mom, I found my soulmate today.” He whispered hoarsely, feeling his eyes fill with tears when he heard his mother begin to cry.


	4. Chapter Three

James’s conversation with his mother was one full of hope; their mutual joy voiced through choked sobs, elated laughter and a chorus of gratitude.

Distantly, James wondered if this is what happiness was. His heart pounded ferociously, liquid warmth soared through his veins; his body and mind completely ablaze with bliss.

Life was suddenly meaningful. It hadn’t felt like that for a long time.

There was a sudden intensity to the world: colours and hues were brighter, finer details sharpened and more-defined. James looked around his surroundings as he spoke to his mother, truly taking everything in for the first time. He appreciated every small sight, though nothing he saw was as beautiful as the glow of Aleks’s smile.

He was well and truly _gone_.

He told his mother this, making her cry all over again.

Soon he ended the call, now wanting to tell his closest friends that he’d been deemed worthy of having a soulmate.

His footsteps were air and they carried him to Seamus and Joe’s apartment. It was situated a couple of blocks away from campus so the journey took no time at all.

He didn’t bother to announce himself when he arrived, choosing to let himself in with the spare key they’d gifted him with a few months earlier.

His presence was a surprise to his friends, who were sitting in the kitchen. Empty beer bottles and Chinese take-out boxes were scattered across the table, and both guys looked up from their meal when James appeared in the doorway. 

He didn’t give them the chance to greet him, his excitement getting the better of him. “Guys, I found my soulmate.”

He expected a celebration of some kind after his declaration but his friends didn’t give him one. They exchanged wary glances, and James hastily continued.

“I’m not kidding. He’s mute.”

Understanding dawned on both Seamus and Joe’s expressions but James wasn’t finished. His words flew out of him, an ambush of delight. “His name is Aleks. He’s 22. He’s fucking hot. He studies journalism. Plays the bass. Has great taste in films and music. Likes gaming.”

He rambled on and on, relaying the events of the last few hours. His friends let him, knowing how much it meant.

His tirade ended with a fierce hug from Joe. “I’m so happy for you,” He said hoarsely, the tears in his eyes genuine. Having been friends for fifteen years, James knew that Joe was as happy as he was that he had a soulmate after all.

Laughter bubbled to James’s lips and he returned the hug with just as much force. “Thanks man.” He released his best friend with a firm clap on the shoulder, only to be embraced by Seamus next.

“Yeah man, that’s awesome.” Seamus’s reaction lacked in tears but the sentiment was just as sincere. James was just as grateful for his support.

“I can’t wait to meet him!” Joe had always reminded James of an overexcited puppy, and this moment was no different as he bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. “When can you introduce us to him?”

“Soon.” Whilst James was happy to sing and shout about his soulmate to the world, he knew he wasn’t ready to share Aleks yet. He couldn’t help but feel slightly surprised by how protective he already was. It felt natural though so he didn’t fight it; he felt a strong urge to shield him, even though Aleks struck James as anything _but_ weak. “I want to spend more time with him alone first. Don’t want you two scaring him off.”

“Us?” Joe looked hurt by James’s playful jibe, which made him reconsider his words. Joe was pretty harmless.

“Not you. Seamus on the other hand…”

Seamus shrugged, making no effort to defend himself as he returned to his seat at the kitchen table. “I get it.” He said nonchalantly, reaching for an unopened beer bottle. He removed the lid and offered it to James, who accepted it gratefully and sat down beside him.

Joe followed, taking a seat opposite him. He leaned forwards, clasping his hands under his chin. James had a feeling that the soulmate conversation was far from over.

He was proven right.

“So go on then,” Joe began, dark eyes burning with curiosity. “What’s Aleks’s soulmark?”

Seamus sat up in interest. “This I _have_ to know. What were your first words?”

James took a swig from his beer to buy some time. He thought about lying, but quickly deemed that useless. He was sure his friends would see the soulmark at some point.

“It can’t be as bad as mine.” Seamus was referring to the ‘hola handsome’ that was tattooed in an elegant scrawl down the length of his right calf.

James relented. “Well, it starts with shit—”

– Immediately he was cut off by roars of laughter. James thought he’d feel his earlier shame and humiliation, but no such emotion haunted him. He saw the humour in it now and he was powerless to refrain from joining in. “Fuck you guys, I’m not telling you the rest.” He chuckled, leaning back in his chair.

“Don’t worry, that was good enough,” Seamus assured him, still grinning. “I’m going to tease you relentlessly about this until I get to see Aleks’s soulmark in person.”

“Speaking of Aleks,” - Trust Joe to swoop in to steer the conversation in the direction he clearly wanted it to go - “When are you going to see him next?”

A question that James had wondered about himself. “We haven’t planned anything, but I told him that I’d text him.”

“And have you?”

James was taken aback by the swiftness of Joe’s question. “Um, no. I literally just saw him dude.”

“You said goodbye nearly two hours ago,” Seamus was the one who spoke up this time, surprising James, who thought that he’d checked out of the conversation in favour of his vegetable chow mein. “You better get a move on. Don’t leave your man waiting.”

“Shit,” James fumbled for his phone, withdrawing it from his jean pocket with trembling fingers. He’d blame it on the cold temperature on the room if his friends questioned him, but truly it was a case of _butterflies_. “What the fuck do I say?”

“How the fuck should I know?” Seamus sounded bored, and James resisted the urge to throw an empty Chinese carton at his head.

Instead he turned to his caring, sympathetic friend. “Help me,” He said beseechingly, pushing his phone across the table. “You’re good with words.”

He didn’t get the support he was looking for. “He’s your soulmate,” Joe reminded him, leaning back in his chair to distance himself from the phone. “Just chill dude. Be yourself.”

James had to bite his tongue to stop himself from forming a sarcastic remark. That was more Seamus’s department anyway. He turned his attention to his phone instead, opening a new message. The blank screen terrified him, but he forced himself to type.

 

**James**

I had a great time today. When can I see you?

 

He immediately regretted his message the moment he pressed send. “Fuck!” Frantically he showed Joe what he’d written. “Do I sound desperate?”

Joe glanced at the screen, smile growing at what he saw. “Check your phone.”

James did so, not understanding why until he saw a second bubble underneath his.

 

**Aleks**

Me too. Tomorrow night? 

 

James went to reply when suddenly a third bubble appeared.

 

**Aleks**

Or is that too soon?

 

Knowing that Aleks was likely experiencing a similar crisis to his, James grinned, eagerly tapping out a reply.

 

**James**

Never too soon. I’d like that.

 

Aleks’s next response was his address.

 

**Aleks**

Great! Come over at like 8?

 

**James**

Cool. Want me to bring anything?

 

**Aleks**

Just yourself :)

 

“He’s blushing. I think it’s true love.”

James tore his eyes away from his phone, unable to stop himself this time. He picked up the nearest empty container and chucked it at Seamus’s head. “Shut the fuck up.” His words weren’t tainted with anger but he was anxious, having no idea what path his relationship with Aleks would take. “He might not like me like that.”

“Didn’t the guy let you hug him for like five minutes?” This time it was Seamus’s brutal frankness that gave James comfort, not Joe’s encouraging smile. “He’s interested in you. Trust me.”

James found himself unable to respond, but he was sure his friends knew how grateful he was for their support…especially when he apologised for his act of violence against Seamus, something he never would have done in the past.

“Aleks is bringing the best out of you already.” Joe remarked, and James hid his smile by taking a sip of his beer.

He couldn’t deny it; he felt different, he felt _better_ , and he knew the reason why. And in less than twenty-four hours, he’d be reunited with the man responsible for the positive change in him.

James couldn’t wait.

He told his friends so, and not even Seamus could find it in his heart to tease him, both of his friends truly thrilled for him.  


	5. Chapter Four

Fortunately for James, the next day flew by in a blur of classes and hard work. He grabbed dinner with Joe in the early evening, needing a supportive pep talk before he saw Aleks again.

Inspired by his conversation with his friend, James decided to make a pit stop before going to Aleks’s apartment, stopping off at a local store to buy a few things for his soulmate. He even asked the clerk to gift wrap them, and only regretted his romantic gesture once he was standing outside Aleks’s apartment building.

Aleks lived in the better part of town, in a building much grander than his. James tried not to let that intimidate him as he headed in, slipping inside the entrance just as one of the tenants left the building.

Aleks’s apartment was located at the top, on the sixth and final floor, so James chose to take the elevator. He wondered if that meant Aleks lived in a penthouse.

As the door opened, James instantly noticed more than one door along the corridor, noting that there were other apartments. Feeling slightly more at ease, he left the elevator and began to walk, looking for the number of Aleks’s apartment.

Once he found it, he hovered uncertainly, glancing down at the contents of the bag in his hand one more time.

_Too late for regrets Wilson_. He thought wryly, reaching up to knock on the door with his free hand.

Immediately the door opened, taking James off guard. He quickly took a step backwards, surprised by the sudden response.

Adding to his shock was the realisation that the man standing in the doorway was definitely _not_ Aleks. He was of a similar height but shared more similarities with James himself; olive skin, dark hair and dark eyes.  

Eyes that were currently appraising him thoroughly, glittering with mirth. “Aleks was right. You are handsome.”

Words that should have brought James comfort, but for now he was just confused. “Um…hi?”

The man ignored him, not finished with his appraisal. “Black beanie, Avenged sevenfold hoody, tattoos…you’re definitely Aleks’s type.”

Suddenly the door widened and Aleks came into view, cheeks red from what James presumed to be embarrassment from the man’s words. He signed something, hand gestures sharp and furious, avoiding James’s eyes as he did so.

“Aleks, you need to chill.” The man clearly had no remorse, and he turned away from Aleks to face James properly, mouth curving into a grin. “Hi. I’m Sly.”

“James.” James offered his hand which Sly quickly shook, his grasp firm. Both men took the opportunity to size each other up, and James felt like he was meeting Aleks’s father. He supposed this was the closest he was going to get, remembering that Aleks had told him that he didn’t have a family. “You’re Aleks’s roommate?”

“That’s all he called me?” Sly released his hand to place his over his heart, an expression of mock-outrage painting his face. “I’m his best friend. We’ve known each other since we were kids so any dirt you want on him, you just come to me.”

He was rewarded for his outburst by a shove from Aleks, who looked absolutely mortified.

James grinned, amused by the exchange and by Sly’s warm welcome. If Aleks could put up with Sly, then he would easily cope with Seamus. “I’ll keep that in mind. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Ditto.” Sly’s smile was genuine, and James got the sense he was just as happy for Aleks as Joe had been for him the day before. “Take care of him or we’ll have a problem, okay?”

Behind him Aleks huffed, rolling his eyes at the display of protection from his best friend.

James’s smile grew, endeared by Aleks’s grouchy behaviour. “No hay problema. Yo cuidaré de él.” He remembered that Sly could speak Spanish but Aleks couldn’t, and quickly used the opportunity to assure Sly that he would look after Aleks.

He was glad he had done so when Sly beamed, appreciative of his words. “Ha! I like you already. Have fun kids.” He dismissed himself with a wave in James’s direction, a wink in Aleks’s, and then he headed back into the apartment.

For the first time that night, Aleks met James’s gaze, cheeks still flushed from earlier. He gave him an exasperated smile as he moved aside, motioning for him to come in.

James stepped inside and found himself overwhelmed by what he saw. He thought the outside was nice, but _this_ was something else. He’d never seen students living in such a grand apartment before. He wondered how Aleks and Sly afforded it.

The kitchen, dining area and living room were all open-plan, all fitted with expensive furniture. Large, bay windows lined one of the walls, revealing a panoramic view of the lights in the town.

In an attempt to disguise his awe, he thrust his bag of gifts in Aleks’s direction. “I bought you something.” He said hastily.

Aleks looked surprised, but he accepted the bag from him. Carefully he placed it down on the dining room table and pulled out the three gifts that were inside. Seeing that they were wrapped, he shot James a shy smile.

James certainly didn’t regret the gift wrap now. He ducked his head to hide a bashful smile of his own, clearing his throat as he did so.

Aleks returned his attention to his gifts, opening them with a burst of haste as his curiosity got the better of him. Out fell two whiteboards and a packet of coloured whiteboard pens.

“I thought we could use these to communicate,” James said quickly, wanting to explain the purpose of his gift. “You know, better for the environment. Less paper. We need to save the trees.”

He knew his joke was weak but he heard Aleks chuckle quietly. Reassured by his soulmate’s positive response, James surged on. “Besides, I get sick of the sound of my own voice. It’ll be nice to be quiet for a while.”

Aleks unwrapped one of the whiteboards from its packaging and picked up one of the coloured markers – green, James noted, remembering that it was his favourite colour – and began to write a message.

**Thank you for your thoughtful gifts. I love them :)**

James had to fight the urge to yank his beanie off and run his hand through his hair, something he often found himself doing when positivity and gratitude were aimed his way. He’d always been uncomfortable with compliments.

He also had to battle another urge – the urge to walk over to Aleks and find out what it would be like to kiss the soft, upwards curve of his lips. The way Aleks was looking at him…

“Damn you’re smooth. I like you even more now.”

The unexpected presence of Sly quickly shattered James’s thoughts and he flinched, having not heard Aleks’s roommate walk up behind him.

Aleks’s smile swiftly morphed into a glare of rage, furious by the interruption, and he signed something.

Sly once again was unfazed by his roommate’s temper and he signed something back, causing Aleks to roll his eyes again. James figured that he did that often around Sly…and most likely would around him too.

“Aleks has very kindly asked me to fuck off.” Sly told him, taking a jacket down from one of the hooks near the front door. “The apartment is all yours.”

Aleks signed something again, which made Sly tut as he yanked on his sneakers. “Rude.” He stated, flipping him off as he straightened up. “Enjoy your evening amigos.”

With a salute in their direction, he exited the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Finally, James was alone with his soulmate. He could almost feel a tranquil stillness settle in the room, both men now able to rejoice in being alone with each other. Which meant the butterflies immediately returned – with a vengeance. “Can I have a tour?” James asked, shooting Aleks a cheeky grin to hide his nerves.

Aleks seemed happy to oblige him, and he tucked his whiteboard under his arm as he headed towards the living area. There was a corridor that James hadn’t noticed before, having been partially concealed by a bookcase, and Aleks led him down it. There were two doors opposite each other, and Aleks pointed to the one on the right.

“Your bedroom?” James asked, and Aleks shook his head as he uncapped his marker.

**Sly’s room. Trust me, you don’t want to go in there.**

James didn’t want to see it, far more interested in the door on the left. “So this is your room,” He surmised, reaching for the door handle. He was burning with curiosity about what he’d find inside, wanting to know more about the man the universe had chosen for him. “May I?”

Aleks nodded, and he gestured for him to open the door. James did so without any hesitation and what he saw made him fall for his soulmate even more.

There were similarities to his own bedroom; band and gaming posters dominated most of the wall space and there was a neatly made king-sized bed in the middle of the room – a bed that James couldn’t help but picture he and Aleks in and _man he had to pull his mind out of the gutter_.

There were two electric guitars hanging up on one of the walls and Aleks’s bass guitar was hooked up to an amplifier in the corner, sheet music resting on top. Next to it was a desk with a gaming computer and an old-fashioned type writer, presumably an anecdote to the journalism career that Aleks was interested in pursuing.

James could also see another door, slightly ajar, that looked like it led to a large ensuite bathroom. He didn’t investigate though, his attention suddenly captured by a large shelving unit that contained hundreds of DVDs and games. It rivalled James’s own collection. “Fucking hell Aleksandr,” He breathed, making his way over to the shelves to get a closer look. “This is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Aleks shrugged modestly as he followed him, watching as James ran his finger over the hundreds of titles on display. He paused on one particular DVD, raising an eyebrow at Aleks as he plucked it from the shelf. “Seriously? Mean Girls?”

**I don’t know how that got there.**

James laughed, amused by Aleks’s attempt to distance himself from the romantic comedy as he placed it back on the shelf. “Sure. You can’t use that excuse for every film you have. I mean, Twilight? _Really_?” He held up the DVD in question, holding it by the edge of the case as if it was tainted. Which he supposed, it was in a way. It had certainly ruined the cinema for him for a while.

Aleks flipped him off and then snatched the DVD out of his hands to put it back in its rightful place. James wasn’t worried that he’d offended him; Aleks’s amused grin alleviated the sting of his middle finger. 

“Hey, I wanted to watch that.” James said jokingly, only to regret it immediately when Aleks took it down from the shelf and began to back out of the room. “I was kidding!” He added hastily.

Aleks’s only response was the sound of wicked laughter and James quickly chased after him. He attempted to grab the DVD from him but Aleks darted out of the way, grinning impishly.

Filled with dread, James could only watch helplessly as Aleks placed the film disc into the DVD player.

Smugly Aleks took a seat on the couch and scrawled a sentence onto his whiteboard. **Come and ogle Edward Cullen with me.** He accompanied his message with a patronising pat on the couch cushion, smirking when James elicited a groan.

He indulged Aleks’s command, but he wasn’t happy about it. “Can I see that soulmark again? I think there’s been some kind of mistake. I don’t think we’re soulmates after all.” He joked, sinking down on the couch beside him.

_Big mistake._

Brandishing his pen like a sword Aleks charged, leaving a green line down James’s arm. “Aleksandr! What the fuck?!”

Aleks retreated, hiding his smile behind his whiteboard as he held it up like a shield, anticipating a revenge attack.

James didn’t retaliate, although he thought about it. As the opening credits began to play, he stood up to retrieve his whiteboard and a pen of his own.

Aleks watched him cautiously as he re-joined him on the couch, and James smiled to himself as he penned a message of his own.

**_I’m worried about the long-term effects this film has had on you. That act of violence was an obvious sign that you’re a Twi-hard._ **

Aleks’s response was swift. **Bite me bitch.**

James had to stop himself from writing _maybe later_ , unsure how Aleks would respond to flirtation, but he had another comeback. **_Have you got any garlic or a cross? I feel like I need to protect myself from you._**

**Right here.** Aleks made a show of placing his board down to reach into his hoody pocket, only to withdraw his hand and flip him off.

James chuckled. **_That was rude. Please refrain from your violence so I can enjoy the film._**

**No promises.** Aleks began to shuffle closer to him, curling his legs underneath him as he leaned into James’s space.

James swallowed as he loomed closer, once again using humour to deflect how nervous he was. “I’m watching you Marchant,” He whispered warningly, mouth curving into a smile when Aleks raised his hands in a mock declaration of innocence.

~O~

Much of the next hour passed in a similar fashion, with the two exchanging messages on their whiteboards. James only paid attention to the film when he wanted to make a degrading remark about it, more focused on keeping Aleks’s attention and trying to make him laugh. Both shared a similar sense of humour, and both men kept trying to one-up the other by how far they were willing to take their jokes. They sat shoulder to shoulder, using their close proximity to jostle each other and draw lines on each other with marker pen.

The immaturity ended when James got distracted by the film, impressed with the vampire baseball scene. So absorbed, he didn’t notice Aleks slumping down next to him. The whiteboard slipped out of his grasp and fell to the floor, the sound silenced by the rug.

It was only when Supermassive Blackhole finished playing that James realised Aleks had fallen asleep beside him. In the bluish hue illuminating from the screen, James could see how dark the circles were underneath Aleks’s eyes.

Wanting to give him some comfort – and hoping he wasn’t crossing some kind of boundary – James slid his arm around him, guiding Aleks’s head to rest on his shoulder.

He froze when he thought he felt him stir, but Aleks only elicited a small sigh before pressing closer, eyes still closed.

With Aleks tucked securely against him, James felt himself beginning to grow sleepy too. His whiteboard joined Aleks’s on the floor and he tilted his head back, closing his eyes as he drifted off to sleep.

~O~

“Wakey wakey! Time to rise and shine!”

“What the fuck?” James mumbled, unappreciative of the loud voice that had rudely interrupted the best sleep he’d had in a while. Reluctantly he opened his eyes, only to bolt upright when he realised where he was.

His sudden movement jolted Aleks out of slumber, and he groaned as he sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. James missed his warmth immediately but forced himself to look away from his drowsy soulmate to confront his impolite roommate.

“Twilight? Really guys?” Sly was shaking his head at the television, which displayed the main menu of the film.

James adjusted his beanie, catching a glimpse of his watch as he did so. “Shit,” He jumped to his feet, realising that he and Aleks had been asleep for almost two hours. “I should get going. I have an early class tomorrow morning.”

Aleks glanced up at him, hair mussed and russet eyes clouded from fatigue, and he shouldn’t look hot but _he did_. The sight of him instantly made James regret his words. He wanted to stay, he really did, but this was still _new_. He had no idea what type of soulmates they were. He didn’t want to scare Aleks off by revealing his feelings too soon.

James had said his parting words, but he didn’t know how else to say goodbye. Words didn’t feel like enough, but it would be hard to initiate a hug. Aleks was still sitting on the couch, and James was acutely aware of Sly watching them.

“I’ll see you soon,” James murmured, reaching down to gently touch Aleks’s cheek. With the pad of his thumb he brushed away a stray eyelash, and Aleks blinked up at him, still dazed from the abrupt interruption of his slumber.

With a nod in Sly’s direction, James turned and exited the apartment without a backwards glance, knowing that one more look in Aleks’s direction would compel him to overstay his welcome.


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: Happy New Year everyone! I apologise for the delay...unfortunately real life continues to limit my creativity. In 2018, I vow to update this story more. I have the whole story mapped out...just have to put pen to paper (not literally, but you get the gist). Enjoy!**

~

Over the course of September, James’s relationship with Aleks continued to blossom. They met frequently, sometimes four or five times a week when their college schedules didn’t clash, at Aleks’s apartment or in local places around campus. James hadn’t invited Aleks to his own apartment yet, very aware of the difference between their living spaces, but Aleks didn’t push him. Much like James didn’t push Aleks to speak about his past, conscious that it was a taboo topic of conversation.

The two were quickly becoming good friends, learning more about each other every time they met up, but not once had they approached the subject of the nature of their relationship.

James knew he was more than ready to take the next step. He wanted him, _all_ of him, but he sensed that Aleks needed time. He was more than happy to give it to him, enjoying the slow burn that allowed him to fall for him a little bit more with every passing day.

Even though they hadn’t defined their relationship, James sometimes couldn’t help himself when he was asked about Aleks by his friends and peers. He was happy to sing his praises and express his affection for him, uncaring that he probably came across as an infatuated asshole, the kind he used to make fun of. He had never believed that he could be in this position, so _sue him_ for voicing his feelings to anyone that would listen.

Joe was often the one who had to put up with him, not that his friend seemed to mind too much.

Today was no different. After James’s last class finished for the day, he walked out of the lecture theatre to see Joe waiting for him. Quickly he sought the opportunity to tell him about the decision he’d made a few days ago regarding his soulmate: to learn sign language.

“That’s awesome,” Joe said warmly as they made their way down the corridor towards the exit of the building. “When do you start?”

James grinned and lifted his hand in the air. “I already have,” He emphasised his words by signing **_Hello, how are you?_** , although he knew Joe couldn’t understand him. “My Mom is using some of her savings to pay for the course. There were a few on offer but I chose the most intensive. Ten hours a week, with one-on-one teaching.”

“Ten hours a week?” Joe looked impressed as he held the door open for James, allowing him to step outside into the college grounds first. “How will you fit all that in?”

“Not sure yet, but I’ll make the time,” James responded as they continued their stroll through campus, in the direction of the courtyard. “I need to learn it, and the sooner the better. Aleks can’t exactly write to me on paper for the rest of our lives. Imagine our wedding vows.”

He’d intended his last sentence to be a joke, but as he said it, he thought that maybe part of him meant it. Joe seemed to think so, shooting him an earnest smile as opposed to making fun of him for it.

“Are you going to tell Aleks that you’re learning it?” He asked, a question that James had mulled over himself.

“No, not yet. I want to surprise him. I need way more lessons before I can actually have a conversation with him.” James had conducted his own research prior to starting the course, and knew that it would be a lot of hard work, work that he was fully willing to commit to.   

Joe nodded in understanding as they began to cross through the courtyard, navigating around tables of students hanging out and studying.

James was about to ask his friend if he needed to go to the library before they left campus when he suddenly caught sight of the guy who he’d just spent the last few minutes talking about.

Aleks was sitting alone at one of the tables on the outskirts of the courtyard, in a quieter area than the one James was currently standing in. His head was down and his earbuds were in, seemingly enthralled by the textbook in front of him, judging from the speed of his pen moving across his notepad.

James was aware of Joe speaking to him but it sounded like white noise, static that James couldn’t decipher. He was _gone_. He’d lost sight of everything; Aleks was the only image in focus and James no longer cared about anything else. 

Focused was a good look for Aleks. His dark hair was concealed by a black, backwards baseball cap, though small tufts had escaped that framed his face _just so_. He was wearing a blue t-shirt, tight enough that James could see his muscles ripple when he stretched his arms above his head, eliciting a yawn. He even made _that_ look attractive.

James was _so_ fucked.

“That’s him,” He blurted out, pointing in Aleks’s direction. “That’s Aleks.”

He wished he could tear his eyes away from Aleks to see Joe’s reaction to seeing his soulmate for the first time, but he found himself unable to.

“I did wonder why you’d spaced out. Now I get it.”

“Sorry,” James replied, although he wasn’t sorry at all.

“He’s hot.”

Now _that_ caught James’s attention. Narrowing his eyes, he turned to confront his friend. “What the fuck dude?”

“From an objective standpoint,” Joe hastened to add. “Anyone would agree with me. I mean, look at him.”

James didn’t need to be asked twice. He returned his gaze to Aleks, appreciative of the opportunity to stare at his soulmate, something he didn’t allow himself to do often for fear of revealing his feelings too soon. Aleks was still scribbling in his notepad, unaware of the two men gawking at him from across the courtyard.

“So can I meet him?”

“No,” James’s response was instant. He still wanted to keep Aleks to himself for a little white longer. Maybe it was selfish, but James didn’t care. “Not yet.”

Fortunately he had a best friend who was more than understanding. “You’re not ready. I get it,” Joe paused to give him a little nudge in his side, grinning. “Go and join your man.”

“Are you sure? We haven’t hung out in ages.” James betrayed his own words by taking a step away from Joe, his intentions clear. He was aware that Aleks and his studies had monopolised a lot of his time and knew he should make some time for his friends but he couldn’t deny what he wanted. His heart was leading him where it wanted him to go, and his feet were complying.

“Come around to mine this weekend. I know Seamus misses you, although he’ll never admit it.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

Joe dismissed him with an encouraging smile and a thumbs up. James had to smile at his nerd of a friend before he turned away and resumed his path to Aleks. He practically bounded over to him in his haste to get to him, though he would deny it adamantly if Joe teased him about it later.

As he dropped down on the bench beside Aleks, he regretted his rush when his soulmate flinched, turning to look at the intrusion to his personal space with a fierce scowl. However, the moment he realised it was James sitting beside him, his glare quickly morphed into a look of delight. Smiling warmly in greeting, Aleks reached up to take his earphones out.

“Mind if I join you?” James knew it was too late to ask, seeing as he was already invading Aleks’s space, but he wanted to be polite.

Aleks shook his head as he leaned down to open his backpack, taking out the whiteboard and pens that James had gifted him a few weeks ago.

James had to hide his elated smile as he too ducked down to retrieve work of his own, placing his books alongside Aleks’s on the table. In the limited table space between them, Aleks placed the whiteboard and pens, opening up a line of communication. Then he retrieved his ear phones and offered one of them to James, who accepted the offering and placed it in his ear.

“Good choice,” He said approvingly, recognising ‘My Way’ by Linkin Park immediately.

Still smiling, Aleks returned to his studies, his gaze soon transfixed by the textbook he was reading. James couldn’t help but think how domestic they must look right now; sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, sharing music and studying in sync. He envisioned them doing this at a later date…maybe at his kitchen table, sunlight from the window glinting off of Aleks’s hair which was dishevelled from a lot of s—

—James halted his thoughts there, distracting himself from thinking about Aleks that way by choosing to watch his soulmate study instead. He hoped that Aleks’s concentration would motivate him but he just found himself more distracted.

Fortunately, Aleks didn’t seem to notice him staring. Either that, or he didn’t mind it. James hoped it was the latter.

Then he noticed that Aleks’s left hand, the one closest to James, was lax on the table.

James was tempted to take his hand, knowing it would be so easy to lace their fingers together. He wanted to do it so badly, wanting to hold his hand whilst they studied side by side.

But hand holding was definitely not platonic. He supposed it could be for some people, but he didn’t see it that way. That one simple action alone would reveal his feelings.

Suddenly Aleks moved his hand. He rested his head on his hand as he turned his notepad over to begin a fresh page of notes, and the moment was gone.

With a sigh, James forced himself to tear his gaze away. He opened up one of the books he’d borrowed from his professor, knowing it contained theoretical knowledge that he would need for his next big assignment. Almost immediately he lost himself in a case study that spanned the length of thirty pages, and he began to study the first page intently. He located a couple of paragraphs with information that he knew he’d need later, but he couldn’t demarcate the book. He glanced up to look for something else he could use, when he noticed Aleks watching him.

Aleks didn’t break their gaze, unashamed. In his hand was a packet of post-it notes, the utensil that James needed.

“Nerd,” James joked, but shot Aleks a smile of gratitude as he reached for the packet. Their fingers brushed together, only the lightest touch, but it was enough of a spark for James’s heart to start hammering painfully in his chest. He had to force himself to pull his hand away and he began to place the post-it notes next to the important paragraphs.

His skin felt heated from the exchange, and he couldn’t help but wonder if that meant Aleks was still staring at him. Being the masochist that he was, he had to look up, only to feel inevitable disappointment when he saw that Aleks had returned to reading.

He didn’t feel that way for long; a god-awful song began to play in his ear and he grimaced. He picked up a pen from the table and scribbled his feelings down on the whiteboard. **_Dude, this song is shit._**

He was rewarded for his honesty by a sharp jab in the side from Aleks’s elbow.

Wanting revenge, James scooped up Aleks’s phone to change the song. He thought Aleks might try to rebuff him, knowing how protective some people could be of their phones, and wondered if he’d crossed a line.

However, Aleks didn’t seem to care, making no move to thwart him.

Reassured, James began to browse through Aleks’s music, wanting to surprise him with a song that he wouldn’t normally listen to. When he found one of Ed Sheeran’s albums, he knew he had to play one of his songs.

Aleks pulled a face when he heard the opening of ‘Shape of You’, making James laugh.

“Hey man, you can’t judge me. It’s on your phone after all. Who knew you were into romantic songs?”

Aleks scooped up a whiteboard pen so that he could reply. **I’m a romantic at heart.** He emphasised his words with a sheepish shrug of his shoulders, and James knew he was telling the truth. It made him like him more.

“Good to know,” He murmured, unaware of what he’d said until Aleks responded.

**I’m full of surprises.**

James couldn’t help but read that as flirtatious, and he looked up at Aleks to check that he didn’t mean it like that.

But he couldn’t find any such confirmation in the heat of Aleks’s gaze. Their eyes locked, and then held as the air between them suddenly thickened.

Endless seconds trickled by; unassuming and neglected by both men, their gazes never truly leaving one another.

Every instinct was telling James to close the distance between them and _kiss him_ _already_ , but he wouldn’t rush this. He’d give Aleks every opportunity to back out, not wanting to cause him any discomfort.

Slowly he edged closer, barely conscious of his movements as the stillness between them began to shift. He felt like he was floating on an expansion of lulling water, weightless and disorientated by the feeling of being so close to the person that the universe had chosen for him. He left his fate up to the stars now, allowing his heart to lead. His mind was silenced for once, subdued by Aleks’s dark eyes and the parting of his lips. James could feel the unsteady wisps of air, his soulmate just as consumed by the spell.

Only inches separated them now.

“James, is that you?”

The unexpected sound of his ex-boyfriend was like being doused with ice-cold water and James withdrew sharply from Aleks’s space to face the intrusion.

_Fuck._

 


	7. Chapter Six

Of all the people who could have interrupted his moment with Aleks, it just _had_ to be an ex of his. Although, James wasn’t sure if he could class Jordan as an ex-boyfriend. They’d fucked a few times last year, but he was one of many. Guys, girls, James had never had a preference, only interested in sex to fill the empty void that his heart used to be. Every encounter though only used to leave him feeling more and more hollow.

James had to stifle a groan as he forced a smile, bracing himself for an uncomfortable conversation. “Hey Jordan.”

He couldn’t deny that his ex looked good; he did, and that didn’t help the awkward tension that had suddenly enveloped he and Aleks.

The atmosphere only grew more suffocating as Jordan approached their table to take a seat opposite them. James thought about telling him to fuck off, not wanting to be reminded of his past and certainly not wanting Aleks to have anything to do with it, but thought better of it. He didn’t want to alert Aleks to any history between them, so decided to play it cool. _Here goes nothing_. “What’s up man?”

“Not much. You look good,” Trust Jordan to turn a casual exchange into something more. “I’m loving the manbun. I always told you that you’d suit it.”

James’s smile was frozen on his face as he fought to disguise his discomfort. He couldn’t bear to look at Aleks, dreading what he’d see if he did. “Oh…uh, thanks I guess. How was your summer?”

“Good,” Jordan leaned forward, attempting to share more of James’s space. “Boring without you though.”

James was forced to move down the bench to move out of his proximity, which meant he unintentionally widened the distance between he and Aleks in the process. He had no idea how to respond to Jordan’s flirtation, highly aware that Aleks was probably analysing everything between the two of them. He didn’t want to give him the wrong impression.

Jordan didn’t seem to be bothered by the lack of response, eyes leaving James to scrutinize Aleks instead, finally acknowledging his presence. James suspected he’d ignored him on purpose, most likely having seen what had nearly transpired between them. “Sorry, I’m being rude. Who’s your friend?”

A flash of fury momentarily blurred James’s vision; enraged that Jordan was treating Aleks like a piece of shit. The urge to protect his soulmate returned with unapologetic vengeance and he straightened his back, alpha mode activated as he stared down his ex. “What do you want?” He demanded, choosing not to introduce Aleks so that Jordan couldn’t try and taint him.

Fortunately Jordan wasn’t an idiot, so he didn’t try to test James’s temper any further. “There’s a foam party on campus tonight. Your kind of fun,” He paused to place a neon flier down on James’s textbook, winking at him as he did so. “It’ll be good to catch up with you there. Properly.”

His gaze was nothing but carnal, and if Aleks hadn’t suspected anything before he _definitely_ knew that there was something between them now. James bit back a sharp retort, refusing to lower himself, not wanting Aleks to think any less of him.

Then Jordan left the table, waltzing away without a backwards glance as if he hadn’t just caused shit to hit the fan.

Steeling himself, James finally turned his head to look at Aleks. He wasn’t surprised by what he saw.

Aleks was staring at Jordan’s retreating back with narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow. He was the epitome of _pissed off_ as he tapped his pen against his notepad in agitation.

With a sigh, James scooped up the flier and crumpled it in his fist, an outlet for his frustration.

The sound seemed to catch Aleks’s attention. Without looking at James, he uncapped his whiteboard pen to write a message.

**Is that your boyfriend?**

“Fuck no!” James’s response was instant, horrified that Aleks had spent the past few minutes thinking that…especially after he’d nearly kissed him. “I’m not seeing anyone.” To emphasise his point, he used a whiteboard pen of his own to add ‘EX’ to Aleks’s question.

Aleks stared down at the whiteboard with a frown, refusing to meet James’s gaze.

So James hastily continued, knowing he needed to fix this _now_. “Jordan and I got together last year. We weren’t official. It was just…”

The unspoken word of ‘sex’ hovered in the air between them, James not wanting to say it out loud. Neither of them had spoken about their romantic pasts yet, James being ashamed of his former behaviour, and he also had a feeling his experience was more vast than Aleks’s.  He’d been more than happy to put off the conversation, and he was still in that frame of mind now.

As far as he was concerned, he’d said enough. “Okay?” He asked gently, hoping that Aleks understood that there wasn’t anyone he needed to worry about, that there would _never_ be anyone else to worry about.

He was relieved when Aleks nodded, but he still wouldn’t meet his eyes.  

Sensing that Aleks wasn’t in the mood to talk anymore, James chose to drop it. He shuffled back to his original position next to him, needing the closeness to feel okay again. He wasn’t sure how to break the sudden tension, but hoped his presence was still a comfort to his soulmate.

He tried to return to his studies, but he was full of regret about how things had turned out between them. He’d felt like he was making progress but now he felt like he’d lost him, that they’d never find that moment again.

There might not be a physical distance between them but James could feel it, and it made his heart ache.

~O~

In a strange turn of events, James ended up at the foam party, though it wasn’t because of Jordan. Once Joe had found out there was a foam party on campus, he wouldn’t stop pestering James until he agreed to go with him. Seamus had bailed due to a headache but a couple of their other friends tagged along with them.

When they arrived, James did his best to be the life of the party that he was renowned for, but his heart just wasn’t in it. So he avoided the foam and chose to sit at the bar towards the back of the club instead, watching his friends as he sipped his beer.

He wasn’t alone for long.

“Hello there handsome.”

Fortunately, it wasn’t the voice of one of his conquests. Sly stood next to him, white t-shirt soaked through and glowing in the violet light. He yanked James into a friendly hug, the two having become fast friends through Aleks. “How are you dude?”

“I’m good man,” James released him with a clap on the shoulder, his eyes darting around the room to seek out the person he truly wanted to see. If Sly was here, it was likely his roommate was too. “Is Aleks with you?”

“You’re kidding right?” Sly looked amused as he leaned over the bar to try and grab the attention of the barman. “Parties aren’t really his thing.”

This was news to James. Despite Aleks’s mutism, he seemed so confident. “Really?”

“Have you actually looked at the symptoms of selective mutism and PTSD?”

_The fuck?_

Nothing could have sobered James up more than hearing those words. Words that he’d never expect to be associated with someone so close to him.

He was glad when Sly paused to buy himself a drink, not wanting him to see how much his words had affected him. He knew what PTSD was, and was floored to hear that Aleks suffered from it. He knew that Aleks had a past he’d refused to talk about, but he couldn’t believe it had caused his mutism.

He dreaded to think what…or who…had caused the trauma.

“He’ll tell you when he’s ready,” Sly said reassuringly, having paid for his drink to see the horror painted across James’s face.

James quickly schooled his expression, not wanting Sly to think that he saw Aleks any differently.

To distract himself from the encompassing sound of his pulse pounding away in his wrist and in his ears, he turned his attention to the blue lettering that he could see through Sly’s damp shirt. “Is that your soulmark?”

Sly took his question as an invitation to lift his shirt, allowing James to see the words ‘Are you drunk?’ stamped horizontally across his chest.

“Wow.” James couldn’t think of anything else to say, other than that.

“I know right,” Sly tugged his shirt back down and scooped his drink back up. “Aren’t I lucky? That’s why I go to every party that I can. My soulmate’s got to be around here somewhere. And hey, I get to have a shitload of fun in the process.”

The talk of soulmates had James realising that he wanted to leave this party, _now_. This nightclub was the last place he wanted to be, and he knew where he should be instead. Quickly he downed the rest of the beer. “Good luck with that,” He said distractedly, placing his empty bottle down on the bar. “Where is Aleks now?”   

“At home, studying.”

“Do you think he’ll mind me surprising him?” James was unsure if his company was wanted after what had happened between them earlier, but knew Sly would know the answer.

Sly smiled warmly, putting James at ease before he’d even spoken. “No, he’d love to see you.” His words were the truth, and James immediately bid him goodbye and made his way to the exit of the nightclub.

As he stepped into the cold, biting air of impending winter, he withdrew his phone to send a message to Joe, wanting to apologise for ditching him. He knew his friend would understand but he still felt like an ass about it.

But in that moment, his thoughts were consumed by Aleks. He needed to see him.

He began the short walk to Aleks’s apartment, keeping his phone out to conduct some research before he got there. Sly’s disclosure of Aleks’s condition had shaken him, even though he didn’t quite understand it. 

He scrolled through google, alarmed at the reoccurring phrases that kept appearing on the screen.

_Devastating event…severe abuse…panic attacks…anxiety…exposure to trauma…_

He shoved his phone away after reading too much about the last phrase, his mind threatening to overwhelm him with the traumatic events that Aleks had possibly suffered through. He couldn’t bear to imagine a younger Aleks being in any of those situations.

Sly had said that Aleks wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened to him, and James wasn’t ready to hear it either.

He didn’t know when he would be.

What he did know, was that he wanted to see Aleks, more than anything. He didn’t want to dwell on Aleks’s condition.

They would confront the past together, when they were both ready.

Minutes later, he arrived at Aleks’s apartment building. One of the tenants was just leaving so James took the opportunity to slip inside, making a mad dash for the elevator before anyone could join him inside.

He stabbed the 6th floor button and began to tap his foot impatiently as the elevator ascended, too slowly for his liking.

The doors had barely opened before he was squeezing through the gap and padding down the corridor, coming to a stop outside of Aleks’s door. He knew it was late and he knew he probably should have called ahead to warn Aleks that he was coming over, but none of that seemed to matter. His heart was winning out over his head, yet again.

He knocked on the door twice, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for Aleks to open the door.

After what felt like hours but was only a matter of seconds, the door opened to reveal Aleks, dressed in pyjamas and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

James had the decency to feel guilty, knowing that he’d woken him up, but that faded when Aleks’s mouth curved upwards, his smile brighter and better than any constellation of stars. He signed something, and James could only understand a couple of words but he got the gist.

_What are you doing here?_

“I just…I wanted to see you.” James whispered, glad he’d answered honestly when Aleks’s face lit up, his russet eyes shining with hope and _maybe something else_.

His smile was home, and life had never felt more beautiful.


	8. Chapter Seven

The following weekend found James indulging in an activity that he hadn’t really had time for since meeting Aleks: hanging out with Joe and Seamus, playing video games.

They’d been playing for about an hour, with James kicking both of his friend’s assess at Overwatch, when Seamus abruptly paused the game and tossed his controller aside. “Okay, I can’t take this anymore.”

James exchanged an amused smile with Joe, wondering if his constant victories were grating on their friend. “What’s up with you?” He asked, dropping his controller on his lap to stretch his arms above his head. “Are you finally ready to declare that I am the Overwatch champion?”

“You haven’t mentioned Aleks today.”

Floored, James felt the smile vanish from his face. He lowered his arms to rub his stinging eyes, sore from the brightness of the game. “So?” He questioned, hoping his casual tone would deflect his friend’s train of thought.

“Is there something wrong?”

Usually James would have been grateful for Seamus attempting to reach out to him, but he didn’t need this. Not right now. “No. I would have told you if there was.” His tone was firm, with underlying traces of _drop this subject now_.

Seamus seemed to heed the warning.

However, the same could not be said for Joe.

“Are you sure? You’ve been pretty quiet all week...ever since the foam party.”

James knew he was fucked the moment Joe turned his soulful brown eyes on him, unable to hide anything from his closest friend and childhood confidante. “Aleks and I are fine.”

The words felt false, even to James’s own ears.

Seamus gave him a compelling stare, the kind that had James fighting the urge to squirm in his seat. “Define fine.”

Knowing that his friends would only be happy with the truth, James reluctantly gave it to them. “Well…you know. We’re friends.”

“Still?” Joe had the sense to pause there, but Seamus wasn’t to be reckoned with.

“Why haven’t you made a move yet? This isn’t the James Wilson that I know.”

And there it was. Another reminder that Aleks had changed him – for the better.

But if it hadn’t been for Sly’s revelation at the foam party, James knew that things would be a lot different. He probably would have made a move by now…and most definitely would have lost Aleks forever in the process.

He truly had nothing to say about he and Aleks to his friends – because there _was_ nothing to say. There had been no progress in their relationship, not with Aleks’s unspoken condition shadowing them. A secret that not even Aleks knew that he knew, and the guilt was threatening to consume James alive.

“Talk to us.” Joe’s calm voice suddenly cut through James’s spiralling thoughts, lulling him back to reality.

He might not be able to talk to Aleks, but he _could_ talk to his friends. He trusted them, knew that they would never share what he was about to tell them, and he took a deep, shuddering breath. “Aleks’s roommate told me something at the foam party. Something about Aleks. And I…I can’t get it out of my head,” He paused to lower his gaze to his hands, unable to watch the reactions of his friends as he braced himself to continue. “Aleks…Aleks has PTSD. It’s why he’s mute.”

“So?”

James wrenched his head up, unable to quell the fury that instantly ignited at Seamus’s laidback response, the ever-burning urge to defend and protect Aleks always simmering under the surface. “ _So_? He’s been through something, something huge. And I don’t know what to do.”

“Have your feelings for him changed then?”

A question James had asked himself frequently over the last few days, but he had never been able to form an answer.  

However, hearing it from Seamus finally awakened the truth. “Fuck no,” His outburst seemed to convince Seamus and Joe, but James wasn’t finished assuring himself. His next words poured relentlessly from lips, not fully aware of what he was saying. “It’s just made me more…nervous, I guess. I have no idea what he’s been through. I don’t want to push him into a relationship with me if he’s not ready. I want to be with him, but maybe being there for him as his friend is more important right now.”

Suddenly exhausted – and overwhelmed – James slumped in his chair, mulling over what he’d just said. He’d meant every word, but it was a shock to his system having it all out in the open.

“Have you told Aleks any of this?” Joe asked gently, shattering James’s reverie.

“No, I…I can’t lose him Joe,” His voice was hoarse; the very thought of pushing Aleks away was enough to cripple him with sadness. _God forbid he ever truly lost him_ …

Joe nodded, falling silent as he placed a comforting hand on James’s arm.

Seamus, who had been completely silent during James’s outburst, chose that moment to speak again. “I think what it comes down to is…are you willing to be with Aleks, even after you’ve learned the truth behind his PTSD?”

“That’s probably something Aleks thinks about himself,” Joe murmured, buying James some time to answer.

The thought of Aleks, contemplating that very distressing question, after already suffering through so much – James would be _damned_ if he caused him more pain. “I’d like to think so,” He answered honestly, though it hurt that he couldn’t fully say _yes_.

“With a name like his, you could always google him. That way you’ll be prepared, and know for sure if it’s something you’ll be able to go through.”

James knew Seamus probably meant well, but he wanted to _kill_ him for suggesting something so sly. “I can’t do that to Aleks,” That, he was certain of. “I need to hear it from him. He deserves that. But right now he’s not ready to tell me, and I’m not ready to hear it.”

“You’re stuck in limbo,” Joe stated quietly, sympathy resonating from his gaze.

James gave him a rueful smile. “Yeah, that sums it up perfectly.”

He and Aleks might be soulmates, but right now they could not be further apart. Both were floating aimlessly on still water, with neither one brave enough to courageously change course and reach the other.

~O~

Later that day James did his best to forget about his conversation with his friends, mind now preoccupied by another anxiety: Aleks finally seeing his apartment for the first time.  He’d put if off for as long as he could, but due to Sly’s active social life, Aleks and James had barely had any time alone together recently, what with their space being constantly encroached on by Sly or one of his hook-ups.

James knew his apartment paled in comparison to Aleks’s, being a quarter of the size and most of the furniture being second-hand, but at least it would let him spend time with his soulmate alone.

When Aleks knocked on his door in the evening, James took his time answering. He cast one more critical eye over his apartment, before admitting defeat and swinging the door open. There was nothing he could do to make his apartment miraculously better.

He didn’t need to force a smile as he laid eyes upon Aleks, his anxiety momentarily subsiding at the sight of his soulmate bundled up in a black beanie and green knitted scarf – a scarf that actually belonged to James, knitted a couple of years ago for him by his mother.

So warmed by the sight, James couldn’t help but reach out and tug gently at the end of the scarf. “Hello thief,” He said playfully, enjoying the way that Aleks immediately blushed as he caught on to James’s greeting.

_Sorry_. Aleks signed, and he began to unwind the scarf from around his neck.

Before James could protest – after all, it looked much better on him – Aleks had draped the scarf around his neck, hands effortlessly tying it up for him. Then he took a step back to admire his handiwork, nodding to himself before turning and wandering into the apartment.

James was frozen for a couple of seconds, stunned by Aleks’s gesture, but he soon snapped out of it once he realised Aleks was standing in the middle of his open-plan apartment, taking in the living area and kitchen.

He couldn’t see Aleks’s face, but didn’t really want to, anxious of what he’d see if he did. “So uh, this is me.” He said sheepishly, fiddling with the strands of his scarf as he braced himself for Aleks’s response.

Aleks appeared to be taking in every little detail, judging from the slow movement of his head as he surveyed the apartment, when something seemed to catch his attention. He walked over to the large shelving unit, filled with a vast variety of DVDs, books and games, but it appeared to be the three photo frames that had piqued his interest.

They were the only photographs James had in his apartment, and they used to be there as a reminder that even though he didn’t have a soulmate, he still had people in his life that cared about him. Even though he knew he had Aleks now, he hadn’t had the heart to remove the photo frames.

One was a photo of him and Joe when they were 8 years old, and another was a photograph of him, Joe and Seamus on their first day of college.

The last photo was of him and his mother, taken just before he’d left for college. Both had their arms wrapped tightly around each other, both had tears glistening in their eyes, and his Mom looked so happy and proud. Even just thinking about that moment had James clearing his throat, and the sound caused Aleks to glance over at him.

His russet eyes were soft, his lips beginning to curve up into a gentle smile.

James felt exposed, but he didn’t hate the feeling. How could he, when Aleks was gazing at him like _that_. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve his admiration, didn’t feel worthy of it, but it warmed every nerve ending in his body.

Without breaking their gaze, Aleks shrugged off his backpack, opening it to pull out his whiteboard and pen. **I really like your apartment.**

Aleks’s appreciation of his apartment improved James’s own opinion of his home. “It’s okay I guess. I mean, it’s small. Much smaller than yours.”

Shaking his head, Aleks quickly scrawled a reply. **It’s not small. It’s homely.**

James was inclined to believe him. He had never seen Aleks look so comfortable in his surroundings, not even in his own apartment.

As Aleks settled down on the couch, tucking his legs up underneath him as he nestled into the cushions, James couldn’t help but wish that Aleks’s presence was permanent. He could envision the two of them living here, seamlessly sharing each other’s space and being happy.

Of course, living here as friends would be difficult with only one bed, but deep down James knew that being friendly roommates wasn’t what he truly wanted.

Aleks was drumming his fingers on the arm of the couch, eyes distant, and James wondered if he was deep in thought about living together too.  

Then he recalled Sly’s words, remembered Aleks’s condition, and his hopes instantly extinguished. To hide his inner anguish, he took a seat beside Aleks on the couch, which seemed to startle him out of his reverie.

He recovered quickly, holding up his whiteboard once he’d written another message. **Why do you live alone?**

The question was innocent enough, but James knew that Aleks wouldn’t expect his answer. He felt like he owed him the truth though. “Not having a soulmark made me think that I was supposed to be alone. I was pretty miserable until I met you.” He tried to make his tone light, but Aleks seemed to see right through him.

**Are you okay?** Aleks’s eyes were soft pools of concern, and James had to swallow the lump in his throat, still taken aback that he had someone in his life that could look at him like that. Like he mattered. Like he was the only thing that mattered.

Especially when that look came from someone who had gone through something so traumatic that he was eternally scarred from it.

James knew he was being selfish, so he forced himself to repress his own anxiety, not wanting to distress or alienate Aleks. “Yeah, I’m good. Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind at the moment.”

Aleks was writing on his board before James had even finished speaking. **You can talk to me. I’ve been told I’m a great listener…probably because I can’t argue back.**

James had to smile at that, grateful for Aleks’s attempt to lighten the mood. “I appreciate it, but I’m okay. Besides, I’ll be even better once I kick your ass at Rocket League.”

Just as James had hoped, Aleks took the bait and chose to drop the conversation. **Bring it bitch**.

~O~

After an evening filled with banter and plenty of laughter, James decided to walk Aleks back to his apartment, hating the thought of Aleks being alone in the dark.

Aleks had protested with dramatic eye rolls and a lot of unreadable hand gestures as he signed his frustration, but he’d fallen silent once James had wrapped his mother’s scarf around his neck, choosing to let him have it instead.

Outside there was a chilling bite to the air, and James readjusted his beanie to cover his ears, noticing Aleks do the same.

They began to head down the street, James shivering in his coat, when suddenly he felt a warm, gloved hand cup his bicep. Surprised, he glanced over at Aleks.

His soulmate had tucked his arm through his, clutching him as they navigated through the shadows of the dim-lit street. Aleks didn’t meet his gaze, but James could see the serenity in his smile, even in the murky light.

James hid his own smile by turning away too, and they continued their walk in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable though, and James was grateful for the stillness, allowing himself just to enjoy being in Aleks’s company. Neither of them needed to voice the contentment that they shared.

To anyone seeing them in that moment, they might have mistaken them for a couple. Even James could believe the illusion as he looked at their shadows. He wanted it to be true, but had resigned himself to his fate. His future, their future, was entirely up to Aleks. Over the course of the night, James had learned to accept that.

When they parted outside of Aleks’s apartment building, it was with a hug that probably lasted longer than it should have done, a chance for stolen touches and quiet murmurs of goodbye.

James refused to look back as he walked away from Aleks, as much as he wanted to.  He rounded the corner, exhaling shakily and tucking his hands in his jacket pockets. As he did so, a piece of paper fluttered to the ground.  

He was about to dismiss it as an old receipt when he noticed the print on the paper – a style of print that he had only ever seen in one particular notebook.

Wondering if Aleks had left him a message, he quickly bent down and scooped up the paper before the wind could blow it away.

**I’m here for you. Always.**

Feeling lighter than he had all week, James tucked the paper back into his pocket, a bright smile adorning his lips as he resumed the short walk back to his apartment.

Maybe he and Aleks would find each other in the dangerous tide after all.


	9. Chapter Eight

The impending end of Autumn always brought elemental change, and that was certainly true in Colorado. A couple of days after Aleks had seen his apartment for the first time, James’s mom phoned to warn James of an imminent storm.

He was glad she had done so; he’d barely finished his college seminars and made it to his apartment before the sky blackened and rain crashed down from the heavens. He managed to make dinner and watch some TV without an issue, but when the thunder started, he had to admit defeat.

After switching his television off, James hunted through his cupboards until he found a flashlight, just in case his apartment lost power. If his flickering lights were anything to go by, it would be soon.

Deciding to sleep through the storm rather than wait up for it to stop, he began to head to his bedroom.

Suddenly, he felt his phone vibrate in his jean pocket.

The caller ID surprised him, unable to recall a time when Sly had ever needed to call him before. Usually he sent him random titbits of information about Aleks or linked him to funny dog videos.

James tried not to feel anxious, but he couldn’t stop the slight flip his heart made. He had a feeling it had something to do with Aleks. Quickly he swiped to take the call. “Hey man, what’s up?”

“Hey dude. Listen, would you mind coming over? I know it’s crazy out there, but I think…I think Aleks needs you.”

Before he’d even mentioned Aleks’s name, James had known something was wrong just from Sly’s tone alone. He was already backtracking out of his bedroom, eyes scanning the floor for his shoes. “Is he okay?”

“Storms unsettle him. Normally I can get through to him, but tonight nothing I’ve tried seems to work,” Sly sounded defeated, nothing like his usual self, and it only urged James on as he yanked his coat down from the hook. “I think you’re the only one who can pull him out of the place he’s in.”

“I’m on my way.”

James shoved his phone back into his pocket, zipping up his coat as he darted out of his apartment. He nearly forgot to lock up in his haste, thoughts consumed by concern for Aleks.

It should have felt like a big responsibility, preparing to see Aleks in a state that he’d never seen him in before and attempt to help him through it, but it wasn’t that at all. James had made a vow to himself to be there for Aleks, no matter what, and he wasn’t going to be scared away. He was committed to this, and he hoped that Aleks would know that after tonight.

James didn’t bother to call for a taxi, knowing that it would take ages to arrive with the weather the way it was, and he couldn’t afford to waste the time.

So he braced himself for the onslaught of the storm, and then willingly charged into it.

~O~

By the time he arrived at Aleks and Sly’s apartment, he had been battered by tirades of rain and wind. His hair and coat were soaked, and he was a shivering mess when Sly buzzed him into the building.

He ducked into the elevator, leaving small puddles of water as the remnants of the rain dripped off his coat. He used the opportunity to wring some of the water out of his hair too, wanting to appear somewhat presentable when he finally saw Aleks.

The apartment door was already being opened as James approached. Sly poked his head out, eyes widening when he took in James’s state. “Fucking hell, get in here!” He stepped back to let him through, and James immediately toed off his wet shoes and draped his sodden coat over the nearest heater. Fortunately, the rest of his clothes were only slightly damp, but he hovered near the heater anyway to warm up his frozen skin.

Sly caught his attention when he gestured towards the living area of the apartment, and James followed his gaze to see Aleks standing with his back to them. He was a frozen pillar as he stared out of the bay windows into the encircling storm. He didn’t appear to have noticed James’s presence, and James regarded him cautiously as he pulled his damp hair back into a loose bun. He wanted to break the silence, wanted to distract Aleks from the dark thoughts plaguing his mind, but didn’t know how to.

Sly didn’t seem to have that problem. “Aleks, where do we keep the spare towels?”

There was no response from Aleks, not even the slightest movement or any sign of recognition that he’d heard Sly. He continued to stare out into the abyss, not even flinching when lightning sliced through the air, illuminating the apartment with white light for a brief second.

James wanted to say something too, but he could only think of one thing to say. “A towel would be great, actually.”

Suddenly Aleks spun around, as quickly as lightning strikes the skies. Through the dim light of the apartment, James could see his russet eyes clearing, mind returning from whatever darkness he’d been submerged in.  

Realising that he was the catalyst for bringing Aleks out of the place he was haunted by, James took a cautious step forward, wanting to close the distance between them.

It wasn’t enough for Aleks. He launched forward, reaching James’s side almost immediately.

James was startled, but only for a moment. He wasn’t afflicted like Aleks was, but their closeness soothed him, and his uncertainty from earlier no longer seemed to be affecting him. He could only hope that Aleks felt the same way about their proximity.

Then James felt warm hands framing his face, gentle fingertips wiping away the stray raindrops that still lingered on his skin. A rift in his heart that he didn’t know he had sealed closed as Aleks cradled his face in his hands, his russet eyes glimmering molten amongst the shadows encroaching the room.

James didn’t know why their situations were suddenly reversed, with Aleks taking care of him instead of the other way around, but he didn’t try to fight it. If this is what Aleks needed, then James would give it to him.

“Hey,” James whispered quietly, not wanting to break their spell.

Aleks responded with the softest, smallest smile, before a frown darkened his face, worry knitting his eyebrows together.

The same hands that had touched his face were now gripping James’s wrists, and he let himself be led into the kitchen. He found himself being lightly pushed down into a chair at the kitchen table, and a throw from the couch was soon wrapped around his shoulders. He heard a kettle being boiled, and then Aleks was touching him again, hands rubbing his shoulders to warm his skin.

James figured his mind had short-circuited or something, because he couldn’t truly believe that this was happening. He couldn’t help but feel dazed by the sudden ambush of Aleks’s motion.

Before he could truly enjoy his massage, he felt Aleks’s hands leave his shoulders.

“He’s not going to get sick. He was only out there for ten minutes.” Sly’s voice abruptly cut through James’s haze, and he quickly remembered that he and Aleks weren’t alone.

Aleks moved into James’s vision, hands only forming one word, a word that James could understand. _Why?_

“Why do you think?” Sly retorted, not subtle at all, and James wasn’t the only one who winced.

Aleks bowed his head briefly, unable to form a reply, and Sly took that as an invitation to leave the kitchen, presumably in search of a towel.

To keep Aleks from possibly spiralling again, James nudged him playfully with his elbow. “I feel fine. Besides, I needed the exercise anyway. The walk over here was good for me.” It was more of a sprint than a gentle walk, but Aleks didn’t need to know that.

His self-depreciating joke was not appreciated by Aleks. It only earned him an eyeroll and a smack on the arm before his soulmate turned his attention to the kettle, reaching into the cupboard for two mugs.

James noticed that he was making cocoa and couldn’t help but smile at Aleks’s domesticity. He even added whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles, and James felt his smile grow as Aleks offered him one of the mugs. He took it gratefully, their fingers brushing together, and James knew it wasn’t the storm that ignited the electricity between them. He could feel it, like static in the air, only growing stronger when Aleks took a seat beside him, moving his chair over so that they were sitting closer together.

“No hot cocoa for me?” Sly asked dryly, taking a seat opposite them as he tossed a towel onto the table.

Aleks shrugged one shoulder, unapologetic as he cupped his mug with his hands.

“Thank you for coming.”

Sly suddenly speaking in Spanish caused James to track his gaze from Aleks and turn to look at his roommate instead. “Always,” he responded, speaking in Spanish as well. He had the feeling they were speaking in Spanish for a reason: the reason who was currently sitting beside James, watching the two of them converse with narrowed eyes.

“He’s so worried about you that he’s forgotten about his own anxiety.” Sly remarked, chuckling when Aleks shot him a dark look. “Don’t look at me like that,” He added, returning to the English language. “I can speak to James in Spanish if I want to.”

Aleks returned his gaze to the mug in front of him, and James could feel him slipping away.

He refused to let that happen. Quickly he wracked his brains for something to distract Aleks with, dismissing TV and gaming as he was certain they’d lose power soon.

Suddenly he was hit with a burst of inspiration, recalling glimpses of some of his favourite childhood memories. “I have a crazy idea,” He began, relieved when Aleks tilted his head in his direction, “We should make a giant fort.”

Aleks stared at him like he’d just grown two heads or something, disbelieving of what he’d just heard.

James heard Sly chuckle gleefully, drawing his attention away from Aleks momentarily. “Yes! I love it! Aleks, go and gather every sheet, cushion and blanket that you can find.”

_Why?_ Aleks was glancing between the two of them like they were crazy. Maybe James was, maybe the idea was silly, but he knew it was the perfect distraction.

He didn’t have to explain himself though, for Sly beat him to it. “Well if the heating suddenly goes and James needs to get warm…”

He trailed off, but his words were enough. Aleks nodded his head as he rose from the table, his hand reaching out to briefly squeeze James’s shoulder as he walked past him, in search of the materials Sly had listed.

James couldn’t help but wonder if Aleks’s protective instincts stemmed from friendship, or from somewhere deeper. He decided not to dwell on it now though, choosing to contemplate it further when Aleks was in a better place.

That left him and Sly to manoeuvre the furniture in the living room, although Sly gave up when he seemed to realise that he had no idea what he was doing. James didn’t mind, knowing he was the one with the knack for this.

“You’re good at this,” He heard Sly remark. “I’m guessing you’ve done this before.”

“You could say that,” James stopped shifting the couch into place to stretch, wincing when he heard his back crack. “I used to do this all of the time with my Mom when I was a kid. We didn’t have much growing up, including good heating, so we used to build forts when the weather got bad.”

“Was it just you and your Mom growing up?” Sly asked gently, maybe sensing that his question was quite personal, but James didn’t mind.

“Yeah. My parents were soulmates but we weren’t enough for my dad. He left us when I was three, and I’ve never heard from him since.” There was no pain as James spoke, just the plain truth. The loss didn’t afflict him anymore; it hadn’t done for a while now. “It’s just been me and my Mom ever since.”

Sly looked sympathetic, and whilst it was appreciated, it wasn’t needed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” James said lightly, leaning down to adjust the position of the coffee table. “My Mom was all the family that I needed. Things weren’t easy, but we made it work. She’s one of the reasons why I deferred college. Wanted to save up the money myself so my Mom would be okay.”

“You’re a good person James.”

Floored, James felt himself tense up. He released his grip from the table, straightening up and avoiding Sly’s eyes as he did so. “No, I’m really not.” He responded quietly, knowing he was undeserving of those words.

He turned his back on Sly, only to come face-to-face with Aleks. He was standing by the bookcase, arms holding a bundle of sheets, his gaze steady as he locked eyes with James.

James wondered how much he’d heard, but judging from his expression, most of it. There was no sympathy in Aleks’s eyes he was pleased to note, but there was a gentle admiration lighting his russet eyes and curving the corners of his lips. An awe that James didn’t expect but was grateful for all the same.

Aleks suddenly dropped the bundle onto the floor, stepping over it until he was inches away from him. James felt his breath catch, frozen in place by Aleks’s piercing gaze.

Then Aleks’s arms were around him, twining securely around his shoulders. Warmth bloomed where they touched, with Aleks moving closer until their chests were pressed together and every inch of them was in perfect alignment.

James took one breath, then two, something bright and full bursting under his ribcage. He felt one of Aleks’s hands slide from the nape of his neck into his hair, deft fingers weaving around dark curls.

James let Aleks guide him, finding himself tucked into the dip between Aleks’s neck and shoulder. He released a shuddering breath, bringing trembling arms to encircle Aleks’s waist. The space between them was infinitesimally small, but James still didn’t feel close enough.

He tightened his hold, fingers beginning to trace soothing circles. Aleks didn’t seem to mind, pressing closer to him with a soft exhale. James’s hands danced dangerously close to the hem of Aleks’s t-shirt, and he thought about taking the risk and touching the warm expanse of skin hidden underneath.

The sharp screech of furniture being yanked across a wooden floor shattered their moment.

As quickly as Aleks had initiated the hug, he ended it. James could only blink in surprise as Aleks suddenly darted away, moving to join Sly. He leaned down to help him move one of the arm chairs, and James briefly wondered if he’d imagined what had just transpired between them.

But the warm flush that tinted Aleks’s skin, a glow that James was sure he shared, was very real. James knew his mind could never fabricate that feeling, the feeling of being completely and utterly _whole_ , and he was desperate to have it again.

He _would_ have it again. It was inevitable.

Just like them.


	10. Chapter Nine

James liked to think of himself as a heavy sleeper, often able to sleep through the night without stirring. But a couple of nights after his evening with Sly and Aleks, he was abruptly shaken out of slumber by frantic pounding on his apartment door.

He dismissed the idea of someone trying to break in quickly, knowing they wouldn’t be making that amount of noise. The knocking was frantic, panicked – like someone needed help, and that’s what forced him out of bed. He retrieved his phone from the bedside table, intending to use it as a flashlight to guide him through his dark apartment, when he saw that the screen was illuminated with an influx of missed calls and messages.

They were all from one person, and suddenly James knew exactly who was at his door.

He forgot about everything else – mainly the fact that he was half naked and bare footed – and raced to the door. He yanked it open, squinting into the harsh light of the corridor to see Aleks, his tattooed arm still raised in a knocking position.

His soulmate was noticeably dishevelled, his brown hair in disarray as if he’d been running his hands through it continuously. The deep circles under his eyes were so dark that they looked like bruises under his eyes, and his skin was ashen. He was trembling all over, which was no surprise to James considering it was the middle of the night and he was only dressed in a thin white t-shirt, joggers and a pair of converse.

Their eyes met, and James knew Aleks could see him, but his gaze seemed to look right through him. He was here, but his mind was clearly somewhere else.

That immediately spurred James into action, and he moved back from the door to practically yank Aleks into his apartment. “Jesus Christ Aleksandr,” He found himself whispering, in a state of shock himself. Shutting the door behind them, he reached for the switch to put the main light on, watching as Aleks flinched when the light came on.

He didn’t react to anything else though, staring unseeingly ahead at the black sky that was just visible through the open parting in James’s living room blinds.

James however, recovered quickly, Aleks’s health his main concern. Placing his hands on Aleks’s shoulders, he gently pushed him towards the couch.

Aleks seemed to understand where he was being directed to, and he sat down on the edge, back ramrod straight. James leaned over him to grab the throw that was draped over the back of the couch, and then wrapped it around Aleks’s body to warm him up.  

As if on auto-pilot, Aleks reached up to grip the blanket to hold it in place. His knuckles went white from the exertion he was using to hold it, and James bit his lip worriedly. Knowing there was only one person who might know what to do, he told Aleks he was going to make him a hot drink – not that Aleks appeared to hear him – and then headed into the kitchen.

After switching on the kettle, he used his phone to call Sly.

Aleks’s roommate picked up on the first ring. “James, thank God. Have you –”

“He’s here,” James chose to reply in Spanish, not wanting to alert Aleks to the conversation he was having – although it was unlikely Aleks was even listening. “Cold and in shock, but he’s safe. I’ll look after him, I promise.”

“I know you will. Jesus, I was so scared James. I heard him screaming in his bedroom, and then he ran out of the apartment before I could do anything.” Sly sounded distraught – and James could only imagine what he was going through. “I think he had one of his nightmares, but I’ve never heard him like _that_. It killed me, knowing that he was gone and there was nothing I could do. I’m just…I’m glad he found his way to you.”

That meant something, and James had to swallow the sudden lump in his throat, knowing he was once again the catalyst for helping Aleks through his pain. “Me too,” He murmured, turning his head to glance at Aleks. He was still staring ahead, numb to his surroundings, but his shaking had subsided. “What can I do? To help him, I mean.”

“There’s not a lot you can do,” Sly answered, both regretful and sympathetic. “Just be there for him. That’s been enough in the past. He needs you.”

James wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He knew it, felt it in his bones and the depth of his heart that he was meant to be there for his soulmate, but it was a huge responsibility. He was more than ready to step up though, and be the person that Aleks needed.

Sly didn’t seem to need a response though. “Go and be with him. I’ll go to his class tomorrow and see him then.”

“See you then.”

After hanging up, James placed his phone on the kitchen counter, knowing he wouldn’t need it for the rest of the night. Aleks deserved his full attention, and he was going to give it to him.

Now that the kettle had finished boiling, James made a cup of hot cocoa and then padded back over to the couch. “Here,” He said softly, offering Aleks the mug.

Thankfully Aleks seemed to hear him. He wrapped his hands tightly around the mug, bringing it to his face to inhale the scent. The blanket around his shoulders slipped off as he did so, so James took a seat beside him to drape it back around him.

Knowing it was likely to fall again, he placed his arm gently around his shoulders. He told himself it was only to hold the blanket in place, but deep down he just wanted to comfort him.

Aleks didn’t push him away. Instead he nestled closer so that their legs were pressed together, and James could feel the tension leaving his body as he began to relax.

They sat in silence for the next few minutes; the only movement Aleks as he brought the mug up to his lips to sip his drink. Time seemed to be what he needed, and James happily gave it to him, content to just sit there and hold him.

When the drink was finished, Aleks leaned over to place the cup down on the coffee table. When he straightened up, he turned to look at James in the eyes for the first time.

To James’s relief, his russet eyes were clear, looking much healthier than he had been twenty minutes ago.

_Sorry._ Aleks signed, cheeks flushing with what James assumed was shame. He reached for the coffee table again, this time picking up the whiteboard and pen that was still there from when he’d visited James’s apartment for the first time.

He uncapped the pen to continue, scrawling across the whiteboard hastily. **I had a stupid nightmare and then ended up running from the apartment. I’m sorry for putting you through this.**

“You’re not putting me through anything,” James said immediately, needing to put Aleks’s fears to rest quickly. “I want to be there for you. I’m glad you came to me. I…I want this.” _I want you_.

**But there are things you don’t know.** Aleks looked distraught, and James could see his darkness returning, threatening to consume him once again.

“Stop. We aren’t doing this now.” James said firmly, knowing that neither of them were ready to confront that closed door just yet.

Aleks still looked uncertain, so James took the whiteboard pen out of his grasp, tossing it aside to place his hand over his. He heard Aleks’s breath catch at his touch, felt his own pulse begin to pound away under his skin, but he didn’t let go.

Exhaling shakily, Aleks gave him a brief nod, choosing to listen to him. Then he relinquished his hold on the whiteboard, slowly moving his free hand to cover James’s. The contact grounded them both, anchored them together in this, and James could feel them growing closer, moving away from the safe sea of friendship into the uncertain waters of _something else_.

Tonight however, was not the night for that change to occur. “Listen, you’re not going out there alone, at least not tonight.” James said, breaking the silence between them, knowing that they were both tired and that they had college in the morning. He was adamant about that too, hating the idea of Aleks being alone in the dark. “You can sleep here, or I can walk you home if you’d like.” He’d leave the choice up to Aleks, although he hoped he’d choose to stay with him.

Aleks’s next actions immediately informed James what choice he’d made. He stood up, releasing James’s hand as he did so, but made no move to go towards the front door. Instead, he brazenly walked into James’s bedroom.

Stunned, James could only follow after him, watching as Aleks sat down on the edge of the bed to unlace his converse, tossing them aside when they were off his feet.

Then he crawled into James’s bed, settling on the side that James didn’t usually sleep on, as if he _belonged_ there.

James wanted to join him, of course he did, but he was determined to cling onto the last shred of his self-control. “Uh…I’ll be on the couch if you need me.”

That made Aleks bolt upright, and James saw him roll his eyes at him in the dim light in the room. He threw back the covers on James’s side of the bed, beckoning him over with his hand.

James willed himself not to over-think things as he slipped into bed beside him, grateful that they were both somewhat clothed and that there was a small space between them.

Until Aleks rolled over, closing the gap between them and pressing himself up against James in the same instant. He settled his head on his bare chest, hair tickling James’s chin as he entwined their legs together.

James wondered distantly if Aleks could hear his heart beating ferociously in his chest. Slowly he curled his arm around Aleks, hearing him sigh and shuffle closer as he did so.

They were woven together like the intricate lace of a web, and James had never felt more at peace. It was numbingly serene, and James found himself slipping into slumber easily. 

~O~

Once again, James was startled out of sleep by a disturbance of some kind. This time though, he was shaken awake from Aleks’s tremors. His soulmate was now curled up in a tight ball on the other side of the bed, and whatever nightmare plagued his sleep was causing his eyes to move rapidly behind his lids.

Fogged from sleep, James had no real conscious thought. It was pure instinct that caused him to move across the bed until there was no distance between he and Aleks. He manoeuvred into a spooning position, slotting his legs under Aleks’s and wrapping his arms protectively around him.

Aleks stopped trembling the moment he was encased in James’s arms, and he started awake. When he seemed to realise where he was, that he was safe and protected, his body relaxed. He reached up to grasp James’s hands, entwining their fingers together.

“I’ve got you,” James found himself whispering, feeling Aleks shiver as his breath ghosted across the nape of his neck. “You’re okay.”

Safe in each other’s arms, they once again succumbed to the overwhelming lure of sleep.

~O~

When James’s alarm clock went off in the morning, he reached out to smack the snooze button, intending to sleep in a little bit longer.

However, when memories of last night suddenly flooded his mind, he sat up with a jolt. He turned to see if he’d disturbed Aleks, only to see that his side of the bed was empty.

He was only concerned for a moment; he heard someone shuffling around in his kitchen, as well as pans clanging and the sound of cupboards opening and closing.

Knowing Aleks was preoccupied, James took the time to get dressed and make himself presentable before going to join him.

By the time he walked into the kitchen, Aleks was plating breakfast, humming quietly to himself.

James could get used to this. “Good morning,” He said, his skin warming all over when he was greeted by one of Aleks’s beaming smiles. He felt like he hadn’t seen that smile for a long time and was more than thrilled to see it now. “Whatever you’ve cooked smells amazing. Thank you.”

Aleks waved away his compliments, but his smile didn’t diminish. They sat down at the counter together, perching on stools, and James’s stomach let out an audible growl when he saw the plate in front of him. Aleks elicited a chuckle, eyes crinkling adorably in the corners as he laughed, and James couldn’t help but stare.

He had to force himself to look away, turning his attention to the plate in front of him. They ate in silence for a few moments, both content, but James broke it when he reached for the glass of juice Aleks had poured for him. “How are you this morning?” He asked gently, needing to know. Aleks seemed okay, more than okay, but he had to check.

Aleks shot him a thumbs up, and James believed him.

“Did you have any more nightmares?”

Shaking his head, Aleks reached for the memo pad and pen that was on the counter beside him. **No. You make me feel safe.**

The feeling was completely mutual, but James was still stunned by the declaration. He ducked his head shyly, smiling to himself.

~O~

The events that followed were nothing but domestic. They washed up together, with one cleaning the dishes and one drying, and then shared the bathroom as they got ready, elbowing each other as they fought for the mirror to do their hair. Aleks was wearing James’s clothes, as their breakfast had left them no time to go to his apartment before their college classes to change.

James even had a spare toothbrush, still in its packaging, and he gave it to Aleks to use. They stood side by side, James unable to help himself as he deposited an obscene amount of toothpaste onto Aleks’s toothbrush, earning him a fierce scowl and a playful kick in the shin for his efforts.

When he’d finished brushing, Aleks deposited his toothbrush next to James’s in the holder, as if he intended to use it again. He had a fleck of toothpaste in the corner of his mouth, which James helpfully decided to wipe away for him.

As his fingertip traced Aleks’s lips, both men were still and wide-eyed. But James would be damned if they had their first kiss in his dingy bathroom, and he broke the moment by tossing his hand towel in Aleks’s face, erupting with laughter when Aleks chased him out of the bathroom, using it like a lasso.

They left for college soon after, walking so close that their hands kept brushing together. It was nothing really, compared to how they’d held each other in bed the night before, but it affected James more. They were dancing on the edge of a precipice, and he had to wonder if Aleks was teasing him.

He’d show him though.

Suddenly he reached out and clasped Aleks’s hand in a bold move, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face when he felt Aleks lace their fingers together.

The walk to campus only lasted a few more minutes, much to James’s disappointment, and soon they were in the journalism building and walking to Aleks’s class.

Sly was standing outside the lecture hall, just like he’d promised, and his face lit up when he saw the two of them walking towards him. “I don’t know if I should punch you or hug you,” He remarked, closing the distance and throwing his arms around Aleks. “Don’t scare me like that again.”

Aleks didn’t let go of James’s hand, but he used his other arm to clap his friend on his back. Sly met James’s gaze over Aleks’s shoulder, and he mouthed ‘thank you’.

James tipped his head in acknowledgement, though he didn’t feel like he deserved his gratitude.

Then Sly pulled away, glancing at his phone as he did so. “Shit, I’m going to be late. Catch you afterwards?”

Aleks nodded, and James knew he had to be going too. “I better go too. I’ll text you later, okay?”

He went to release Aleks’s hand, but found that he couldn’t as his soulmate had tightened his grasp.

Aleks was smiling again, but this smile was different. It was playful, teasing…amorous, almost.

James found himself being pulled forward, their joined hands the tether, and then Aleks was leaning up into his space. He felt Aleks’s lips touch his skin, so close to the corner of his mouth that James thought about tilting his head and realigning the kiss, but he didn’t get the chance to.

Aleks pulled away and backed off, as quickly as he had initiated the kiss.

James could have sworn he saw his soulmate wink at him before he waltzed into his class, disappearing from his sight. Slightly dazed, but elated, he reached up to touch his cheek where Aleks had kissed him.

“Come on Romeo,” He heard Sly say with a laugh. “You can get him back for that later, but right now we have to go.”

James allowed Sly to pull him away, silently vowing that the next time he saw Aleks he would be the one to make the move, and launch their relationship once and for all.


	11. Chapter Ten

The vow James had made, where he’d promised himself that he’d move things forward with Aleks, was soon forgotten when something more concerning arose later that week.

The time had finally come for Aleks to meet his friends. James couldn’t prevent it any longer, but he wasn’t stupid. He decided to arrange the meeting for when he had class only thirty minutes later, so that his friends didn’t have lots of time to embarrass him or scare Aleks off.

It would also give them enough time to find out if Aleks was into him. James was optimistic that his feelings were mutually returned, but he wouldn’t mind the confirmation from a third party before taking the plunge.

On Friday morning, James picked up Aleks from his apartment and then they began the walk to Seamus and Joe’s. Aleks tucked his arm through his on the way there, which wasn’t something new, but the endearing way that he ducked his head and hid his smile in the leather of James’s shoulder, however, _was_.

James had already committed that crinkled-eye, dazzling smile to memory, but it still set his heart alight, warming him more than the sun on a clear blue day. Aleks’s smile was brighter anyway, better than any sunrise.

All too soon, they were standing outside Seamus and Joe’s apartment door. James didn’t knock straight away, wanting to give Aleks the chance to back out - or rather, hoping he would so he wouldn’t have to think of an excuse to bail. “You uh…you sure about this?”

Aleks nodded, the traitor, shooting him a different kind of smile when James sighed in disappointment – the one James liked to think meant _‘you exasperate the fuck out of me but I like you too much to really care’._

As if proving his point, James felt Aleks slide his hand down his arm until their palms touched and their fingers twined together, as instinctual and as easy as breathing. James did not blush when their hands touched, _absolutely not_ , but his face was definitely warmer when he raised his free hand and knocked twice on the door.

The door immediately opened and an excited Joe appeared, eyes wide with joy and beaming cheeks dusted with what looked like flour. James suspected he’d been hiding behind the door the entire time. “Hey guys!”

Neither James nor Aleks got the chance to respond before Joe all but rugby tackled Aleks into a hug, wrenching his hand away from James’s in the process.

Aleks looked like he was caught somewhere between surprise and amusement, but his instincts seemed to kick in and he reached up to clap Joe on the back, meeting James’s eyes as he did so.

“Told you Joe was like a puppy.” James said dryly, unapologetic for his friend’s excitement. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

As Joe pulled away from Aleks, apologising for his overeager greeting with a rueful smile, a familiar smell caught James’s attention. “Fucking hell,” He muttered, wandering into the apartment to investigate. “Joe did you bake?”

“Yeah!” Joe popped up beside him, opening the kitchen door to what could only be described as a bomb site. Flour and fuck knows what other ingredients coated the counters, and James could see a discarded batch of cookies in the trash. “Do you like cookies Aleks?”

Aleks, no longer surprised but definitely still amused, nodded.

James made sure he discarded his leather jacket and his vans before taking hesitant steps into the war zone. “Who are you and what have you done with Joe?” He questioned, stepping over a broken egg to inspect the tray of cookies near the oven. They looked edible, at least.

“Dude, this is a special occasion,” Joe joined him in the kitchen, opening one of the cupboards to grab a broom. “I had to bake something.”

“Kill me,” James sighed, stepping back from the cookies and retreating into the corner of the kitchen where less of the mess was. Aleks, having wisely discarded his jacket and sneakers too, followed him. “You know I have to leave in like fifteen minutes, right? I have class.”

“Oh,” Joe stopped sweeping, smile drooping. “Well, that’s okay I guess. Aleks can stay though, right?”

Well, _that_ hadn’t been part of the plan. James looked wildly at Aleks, who returned his gaze with a nonchalant shrug. His russet eyes glittered though, clearly still finding everything entertaining.

“This is your last chance to run,” The least James could do was warn him. “Save yourself.”

Aleks’s resounding laugh drowned out Joe’s huff of indignation, and stopped James’s heart. There was that smile again, the all-consuming, overwhelming one, and James was lost in Aleks’s light. His eyes dropped to the gentle curve of Aleks’s lips, unable to look away.

“I would run if I were you. I tried to reign him in but he wouldn’t listen.” Seamus’s voice was enough to shake James out of Aleks’s spell, and he turned to face his friend, who was standing in the kitchen doorway. He began to make his way over to them, navigating around the mess with ease. “Nice to finally meet you dude.”

He shook hands with Aleks, and James couldn’t help but express his gratitude that one of his friends wasn’t trying to embarrass him. “Thank you for being normal. For once.”

Seamus acted like he didn’t hear him. “I have a question for you James. Did you purposefully arrange this visit so that you could bail early?”

James immediately regretted his former statement. “No, of course not.”

No one seemed to believe him, which didn’t surprise him. He hadn’t even convinced himself. He was met by three unimpressed expressions, all slightly different but their incredulity was mutual. Aleks even rolled his eyes at him, which made Seamus snort in amusement.

“What are you so afraid of?” Seamus questioned, leaning against one of the counters and folding his arms. “Joe and I are delightful company. I’m sure Aleks will love spending time with us. And, we’ve got so much to tell him.”

Just what James had been afraid of. “I hate both of you. You’re disowned as friends.”

His threat didn’t phase his friends. Joe elicited a fond chuckle as he continued to clean, and Seamus’s expression just grew more mischievous. “Aleks, this might seem like a weird request, considering I’ve just met you…but can I see your soulmark?”

“Fuck no!” The outburst slipped out immediately; James absolutely horrified by his friend’s question. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Seamus’s eyes didn’t leave Aleks’s. “It’s not your body, and therefore not your choice.”

Knowing he was powerless to change Seamus’s mind, James turned his beseeching gaze on his soulmate. “Don’t do it Aleks. Seamus just wants to see it so he can make fun of me for the rest of my life.”

Aleks tilted his head in mock deliberation, an impish glint in his russet eyes, and James could tell he was enjoying this.

“You shouldn’t be ashamed of your first words James,” Joe piped up, putting the broom away in favour of something more interesting – James’s torture, “They brought the two of you together, after all.”

“Shut the fuck up Joe,” James snapped, quickly sensing he was about to lose the battle, “Aleks, you don’t want your soulmate tortured for the rest of his life, do you? They’ve already started making fun of me. Please don’t do this to me.”

Aleks was doing a good job of pretending to think his decision over, but James had a feeling he’d already made his mind up.

His suspicions were confirmed when he caught a flash of Aleks’s wicked smile before he suddenly yanked his t-shirt up, exposing the soulmark across his abdomen. James couldn’t even enjoy the view of his defined muscles, too distracted by his friends’ laughter.

“Smooth,” Seamus remarked, shooting a smirk at Joe.

“Fuck,” James muttered, watching Aleks pull his t-shirt back down, “Can we get a divorce or something? That was the ultimate betrayal.”

And there was that eye-roll again, a motion so overwhelmingly fond yet exasperated at the same time.

This time though, it was followed by Aleks’s arm snaking around his shoulders and his lips pressing fleetingly to his cheek.

The kiss happened so quickly, so instinctually, as if Aleks didn’t even need to think about it.

His earlier frustration forgotten, James met his gaze, searching his eyes questioningly for any regret or uncertainty.

He found none.

Instead, he found a challenge. Aleks was smirking, a quirk in his eyebrow, the epitome of self-assurance.

He knew what he wanted.

Fortunately, so did James.

Their eyes locked, and then held as the air between them grew more stifling. If they weren’t currently standing in his friends’ apartment, surrounded by said friends, James would have pushed Aleks up against the counter behind them. Then he would have kissed the smirk from his face until Aleks was a quivering, needy mess from James’s wandering, experienced hands.

“Cookie?” Joe’s innocent offering smothered the tension – at least, for now – and James tore his gaze away from Aleks.

“I’ll pass on the food poisoning.” He said breezily, eyeing the plate with contempt.

Aleks took one though, mouthing ‘thank you’ before taking a bite.

“Hey Aleks, you’re into music aren’t you? You play the bass?”

Aleks nodded at Seamus’s question as he finished his cookie. Adorably, he’d left crumbs on his t-shirt which James couldn’t help but brush away. He was _so_ gone for this man. “Seamus has an extensive music collection,” He said distractedly, more interested in Aleks’s chest than the conversation taking place, “He has two limited edition guitars too.”

“It’s true. Do you want to come and have a look?”

Aleks slipped out of James’s hold, reaching for another cookie as he followed Seamus out of the kitchen, much to James’s disappointment.

He waited until he heard Seamus’ bedroom door close before he turned to question Joe. “So, uh…what do you think of Aleks?” He couldn’t help but brace himself for his answer, even though he had a feeling that Joe already adored him.

“I like him,” Joe said earnestly, brown eyes warm with sincerity. “And he is _so_ into you.”

It was the confirmation that James had been looking for, but he had to be certain. “How can you tell?”

Joe looked surprised by his question. “It’s obvious. The way he looks at you…I’ve never seen anyone look at you like that.”

James was unsure what he meant by that, and he could feel his eyebrows knitting together in a frown, causing his friend to hastily continue.

“What I mean by that is…everyone that came before him, none of them were the real deal. They weren’t like that with you. You were too good for them anyway. But Aleks…Aleks is your match. Does that make sense?” Joe stopped his tirade to brush the flour away from his cheek, frustrated by his explanation, but James understood every word.

He felt it too, with every fibre of his being. “Yeah, it makes sense. Aleks is…he is _everything_ to me Joe. I just…I hope that I’m enough for him.”

That fear had never been voiced aloud, but James had worried about it constantly, particularly when he was alone in the darkness of night.

“You’re kidding right?” Joe looked astonished by his confession, and James felt a sharp pang of affection for his best friend and his unwavering loyalty. “You’re perfect for him.”

“As my best friend, you have to say that,” James said lightly, shaking his head fondly. He knew Joe meant well, but he had a lifetime of self-loathing that prevented him from truly believing it.

“True, but look at yourself.” Joe sounded so earnest that James couldn’t help but gaze at him, riveted by his genuineness. “You’re kind, and you’re definitely the most generous person I know. You’ve taken god knows how many hours of sign language lessons –”

“—50 hours,” James interjected.

“—50 hours just to make Aleks feel more comfortable. How can anyone think that—”

“—You’re taking a sign language class?”

The sudden interruption of Seamus’s voice had both Joe and James whirling around to face the kitchen doorway.

There stood Seamus…and behind him was a visibly stunned Aleks. Both were staring at him, but James only had eyes for Aleks.

“Um…yes.”

_For me?_ Aleks’s hands were shaking, but James understood what he’d signed.

Taking a deep breath, he raised his hands to reply. **_For you._** He signed, relieved when his fingers didn’t tremble.

Aleks’s russet eyes were shining, though no tears were shed. It was pure, unbridled joy, and James felt his fractured heart heal over.

In that moment, he was hyper-aware of everything: his friends politely stepping out of the kitchen, Aleks lowering his gaze to his lips, the sudden tangible current that was drawing the two of them together.

James let it take him. With his heart pounding a beat of its own, solid and gold and glowing from Aleks’s heated gaze, he began to gravitate across the kitchen. He would never forget the elation that carried him like wings, of the intense sensation that he’d found the one; his soulmate who was also moving towards him.

All the self-control he’d exerted over the past few weeks went, like water crashing through a broken dam.

They met somewhere in the middle, and he pressed his lips to Aleks’s with relentless urgency.

It felt like the belonging he’d never expected, the belonging that he’d never thought he deserved. It felt absolutely, undoubtedly _right_ , like they were always meant to be. Like there never was any other potential outcome.

Aleks kissed him back with a softness that made James dizzy. His hands slid up to James’s shoulders and then into his hair, thumb pressed to his neck deep enough to leave an imprint behind, a mark that he was here, that he would _always_ be there.

James’s hands scorched a burning path up Aleks’s back, settling against his spine to tug him closer, because any distance between them was far too much. He _pushed_ against Aleks’s lips, wanting, wanting to take, wanting to taste.

He knew he was smiling harder than he ever had done when he pulled away, and he opened his eyes.

Aleks was breathing heavily, eyes wide and lips red. But he was smiling too, elated yet serene, like the only place he had to be was right here, like he wanted nothing else but James.

“Why did we take so long to do this?” James found himself murmuring, thinking back on the sleepless nights when he’d questioned the depth of Aleks’s feelings for him.

Aleks shrugged half-heartedly, gaze fixated on his lips, and James elicited a breathless chuckle as he surged forward again.

Aleks barely had time to part his lips in a gasp before James kissed him. Hard.

“I hate to interrupt, but don’t you have class?”

Hearing Seamus’s voice sent James crashing back to reality. Reluctantly, he pulled back from Aleks to flip his friend off. “I can skip,” He said distractedly, skin warming all over when he felt Aleks’s chest rumble with blissful laughter.

“You’re two missed classes away from being investigated by the college’s attendance officers.”

If his friend’s interruption hadn’t ruined the mood before, his last remark definitely did. As much as James wanted to stay, he knew he had to leave. He couldn’t build a future with Aleks if he was kicked out of college.

“You’re welcome to hang out with us Aleks. We’ve got video games, cheetos and beer, if that sounds good to you.”

Keeping one arm tightly around James, Aleks shot Seamus a thumbs up, confirming he’ll stay.

“You sure?” James asked quietly, running his hands soothingly up and down Aleks’s spine. Now that they were  _something more_ than friends, his protective instincts had increased tenfold, not wanting to leave Aleks alone in an environment that he didn’t feel completely comfortable in.

_I like your friends_. Aleks signed, and James shook his head.

“You shouldn’t. They’re assholes.”

Aleks stared at him for a beat, and then his face filled out with a blinding smile, still in awe that James could understand him. His hands reached up to grasp James’s collar, pulling him infinitesimally closer so that he could align their lips again.

As much as James wanted to stay, and _god knows_ he wanted to, he knew he had to leave. He pulled away before Aleks could deepen the kiss, enjoying his fierce glower when his soulmate didn’t get what he wanted. “I’ll see you soon,” He promised, releasing him with one last kiss, brief but just as passionate as their kisses before. “I’ll come back after class.”

With one last lingering look at Aleks, at his _future_ , James departed, his heart lighter and freer than it had ever been before.


	12. Chapter Eleven

After everything that had transpired between them at Joe and Seamus’s apartment, the next logical step to James was to ask Aleks out on a date.

It took him two minutes to make the dinner reservation, but it took two hours for him to pluck up the courage and text Aleks. They hadn’t seen each other since that day, both busy with college, but James was desperate to move things forward, not wanting Aleks to think that he regretted what had happened between them.

For the first time in his life, he was ready for a relationship.

 

**James**

Do you want to go to dinner with me on Friday night?

 

He wasn’t surprised when Aleks responded within a matter of seconds.

 

**Aleksandr**

Are you asking me out on a date?

 

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, a habit he’d picked up from Aleks, James quickly tapped out a reply.

 

**James**

What do you think?

**Aleksandr**

Hmm. I’ll have to think about it.

 

James was certain he was joking…well, at least 90% of him was sure. Willing himself not to freak out, he sat down on his couch, mind racing to think of a witty reply that didn’t reveal his anxiety.

Then his phone chimed again.

 

**Aleksandr**

I’m kidding. I’d love to go out with you.

 

James could feel himself smiling like a sap, but he didn’t give a shit. No one was here to judge him anyway.

 

**James**

Pick you up at 8?

**Aleksandr**

See you then x

~O~

James had been on dates before, if he could class the outings he’d had with people he’d intended to sleep with as ‘dates’.

But this was different. This was a first date, and James hoped it would be the first of many. His intentions had never been honourable before, but they were now. He was determined to do this _right_. This was his chance to sweep Aleks off his feet, to show him that he meant _more_ than everyone else before him.

This date could mean the start of something, the beginning of a relationship that could last for the rest of their lives.

The notion didn’t frighten James. How could it, when it was something he never thought he could have.

Now that he knew he had a soulmate, he wanted it: the unwavering trust, the undying selfless love, the feeling of being _whole_.

He would _not_ screw this evening up.

He’d even watched a bunch of romantic comedies to prepare for his evening with Aleks (although he’d deny it fiercely if anyone asked him how he’d spent his evenings in the build-up to the date).

But when he was standing outside of Aleks’s apartment, his repressed nerves made themselves present. He could feel a knot forming in his stomach, and his palms began to grow clammy.

Taking a deep breath, he cast a critical eye over his outfit: smart black jeans, navy shirt and black tie. He’d even tamed his unruly hair into a tight bun, and knew this was as presentable as he was going to get.

He hoped Aleks would appreciate his effort. He’d never made an effort with his appearance for anyone before, preferring to hide his frame in baggy hoodies and loose jeans.

Suddenly desperate to see Aleks, he lifted his hand and knocked twice on the door.

He heard movement from inside the apartment, the steps too boisterous to belong to Aleks, so James wasn’t surprised when Sly was the one who opened the door.

He elicited a whistle when he saw James, noting the difference in his appearance. “Hey man. Damn, you look nice. Are you all dressed up for me?”

Sly’s light-heartedness put James at ease immediately. “You wish,” He responded, pushing past him to enter the apartment. Aleks was nowhere in sight, so he assumed that he was still getting ready.

“Are you and Aleks going out?” Sly asked, sprawling out on one of the couches.

James was surprised by his question, as he’d thought Aleks would have told his best friend that they were going out on a date. He couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t. “Yeah, for dinner.”

“Where was my invite?” Sly questioned, propping his feet up on the arm rest. “Don’t I deserve a fancy dinner too after the shit day I’ve had?”

James was saved from answering by the sound of a door opening, and the appearance of Aleks in the living room.

Like James, there was a subtle difference in his appearance too. His grey skinny jeans remained, but he was wearing a blue and white checked shirt that made his outfit more formal. His dark hair was styled, the front sections of hair curled upwards, and he was clean-shaven.

James had always thought he was hot, but he’d never been more attracted to him than he was right now. He wanted nothing more than to stride over and kiss him until they were both breathless and panting.

But this was a first date. Not a third.

He settled for smiling at him, knowing his appreciation was probably written all over his face. “Hey. You look…” He trailed off when the English language abruptly failed him, and he cursed internally when the next word he uttered was, “Wow.”

The feeling however, appeared to be mutual. Aleks’s eyes lingered on his body before settling on his face, and he returned his greeting with a warm, admiring smile of his own. _Hey_. He signed, gaze dropping to James’s lips.

James was powerless to ignore the silent request, first-date etiquette be damned. He _needed_ to do this.

He crossed the room in less than five strides, hands reaching for Aleks’s face to tilt his head and align their lips together. He felt the rumble of pleasure in Aleks’s chest, felt his hands grasp the collar of his shirt to hold him in place –

– and then heard Sly squeal, shattering their moment.

“Whoa! What the fuck you two? When the fuck did this happen?”

James lowered his hands as he turned to face Aleks’s stunned roommate, who was staring at them with no attempt to hide his glee. Sly was practically vibrating with excitement, and James heard Aleks sigh behind him.

Neither of them got the chance to reply, Sly too caught up in his own tirade. “Are you two officially together now?”

Something neither Aleks or James had discussed, but James knew what his answer was. He just didn’t know if Aleks was ready to hear it.

He glanced over at Aleks, who was already gazing at him. His eyes searched his, as if looking for an answer.

Whatever he found in James’s expression, it was what he was looking for. Aleks’s face lit up with a shy smile, and he nodded once, answering Sly’s question.

_Fuck_. There it was.

It was the biggest insight that James had ever had to Aleks’s feelings, and he couldn’t be more grateful, knowing Aleks was as invested in their relationship as he was. He could feel himself mirroring Aleks’s smile, elated by the revelation.

Not as elated as Sly, apparently. He let out another squeal, and then clapped his hands together. “You two. Counter. Now.”

Knowing Sly was unlikely to take no for an answer, James obeyed and took a seat at the counter, ready for the inevitable interrogation. Aleks was more resistant, and James elicited a snicker as Sly had to manhandle Aleks into the stool next to him. Now he understood why Aleks hadn’t told Sly that they were going on a date.

Sly took a seat opposite them, the epitome of seriousness as he stared them down. James had to resist the urge to squirm in his chair, knowing he was the one on trial here, whilst Aleks just looked annoyed.

“Why didn’t either of you tell me?”

James knew he could have shifted the blame on Aleks; after all, he was his best friend and therefore the one who should have told him, but he wasn’t about to ruin the date before it had even begun.

Aleks signed something, his movement lazy, already bored of the conversation.

“I didn’t know you two were together! How could I?” Sly shot an exasperated look at James, who wisely chose to stay silent. “I didn’t know you two were kissing now. This is a big deal Aleks.”

James wondered why, wondered if it had something to do with Aleks’s past. He couldn’t help but question if Sly had done this with Aleks’s romantic partners in the past…before arriving at the realisation that maybe he was the first that Sly had met. Aleks never spoke about his past, and James knew that Sly didn’t know everything about him.

Now he understood why Sly was so excited.

His friends had shown the same kind of happiness, after witnessing him alter his behaviour after meeting Aleks.

“I have an important question for you,” Sly declared, drawing James out of his thoughts. “Can you kiss again?”

“We’re leaving.” That was the end of the conversation as far as James was concerned, and he rose out of his chair, reaching for Aleks as he did so.

Aleks left his seat too, accepting James’s gesture as he grasped his hand, lacing their fingers together.

“I’m happy for you guys,” Sly called after them as they headed for the front door. “Aleks, I want all of the juicy gossip later. James, bring him home at a sensible time.”

James and Aleks both flipped him off in unison, which only seemed to add to Sly’s delight. “True love.” James heard him remark, just as he shut the front door behind them.

Now they were finally alone, away from Sly’s prying eyes. James instantly felt more relaxed, and he could feel some of the nervous tension leaving his body. He felt like he owed Aleks a better greeting, embarrassed by the fumbled remark he’d made in the apartment.

Wanting to impress Aleks and start the date off right, he released Aleks’s hand and lifted both of his to sign to him. **_Hi. You look great._**

A muffled gasp escaped Aleks’s lips, expression an assortment of awe and gratitude as he gazed at James’s hands, and James couldn’t help but stare at him.

Mostly because he was hit by just how easy Aleks’s face was to stare at, but also because Aleks looked like he was about to do something. The way his eyes went from James’s, to his lips, and back up again, was nothing if not inviting.

James made sure to keep his breathing even, holding himself in place even though every instinct was screaming at him to close the distance and kiss him.

There was electricity in the air between them; it was almost tangible, but James would let Aleks decide what to do. It was his turn to make a move this time. The anticipation might kill him, but he lived for it. He had never felt like this before, as experienced as he had been.

He knew they had a dinner to get to, but it was inconsequential compared to this moment happening between them.

Then Aleks was right next to him, right in front of him, pulling him close, and finally James could taste Aleks on his lips.

James had kissed and been kissed a hundred times, but he forgot every single one of them when Aleks kissed him. Aleks kissed like he lived, fierce and passionate, and it felt _right_.

Aleks pulled back first, and James chased after him with pursed lips. Aleks smiled softly, eyes tender with emotion that James had yet to comprehend as he pressed their foreheads together.

James was more than happy to stay like this forever, just wrapped up in the devotion that pulsed beneath his skin, the steady beat of Aleks’s heart beside his own, safe in the intimate warmth that he had never had with anyone else. “We don’t have to go out,” He murmured, more than content to stay in Aleks’s arms for the duration of the evening.

He felt Aleks chuckle, felt his warm breath ghost across his parted lips. His cheeks were flushed, and he had never looked so happy. _Let’s go_. He signed, releasing James with a chaste kiss before backing away, heading in the direction of the elevator as if nothing had happened.

James stared after him for a couple of beats, before his face broke out into a grin and he followed, powerless to ignore Aleks’s request.

~O~

Much to James’s chagrin, Aleks insisted on taking a photo of the two of them together at the restaurant, just after their waitress had taken their order. 

Aleks was a regular user of social media, and James would know, seeing as he’d used his various profiles to find out as much as he could about him after they’d met for the first time. He had a facebook account himself, but he was barely active on it.

He obliged Aleks’s request, if only to keep the peace, and he allowed Aleks to upload the photo to his facebook profile.

Within seconds, his phone was alight with people liking the post. He didn’t care about the notifications and was looking at his phone settings to find a way to turn them off when suddenly, one notification in particular caught his attention.

‘Elizabeth Wilson commented on a post you were tagged in.’

It appeared to be the same notification that held Aleks’s attention too. _Your mom?_ He signed curiously.

James nodded, and with a sigh, opened the comment on his phone. At the barrage of emojiis, that ranged from lovehearts to happy faces, he placed his phone back down on the table. “Fucking hell. I’m going to kill her.”

Aleks just looked amused, and he tapped his phone screen to like the comment – if a dozen emojiis could even be classed as a comment.

“Sorry about her,” James sighed. He was more than grateful for his mother’s acceptance, but he could do without the humiliation. “She can be a little—”

He was cut off by his phone, only this time it was alight with an incoming phone call from the woman herself.

“Look what you’ve done!” He exclaimed, showing Aleks the phone, which only seemed to ignite his amusement. “She’ll just keep ringing if I don’t answer. Do you mind?”

Aleks waved his hand airily, unbothered by the interruption as he leaned back in his chair.

James swiped to answer the call. “Hi Mom. Listen, I can’t talk right now. I’m having dinner with Aleks.”

“Like in the picture?”

“Yes Mom. It’s called a live status update for a reason,” James replied, shaking his head in disbelief. He heard Aleks snicker, and when he glanced at him, he was hiding his smile behind his wine glass.

“Okay honey, I’ll make this quick. Can you ask Aleks if I can add him as a friend?”

“What the fuck Mom?” James was startled by the question, not expecting to hear it. “Why?”

“I’ve wanted to add him for ages, but now you guys are official, it seems like the right time. Ask him.”

“I can’t believe you,” With a resigned sigh, he covered the mouthpiece of his phone and turned to Aleks. “My mom wants to add you as a friend. Please say no.”

James caught a glint of Aleks’s mischievous smile, the one that usually meant trouble, and could only watch in horror as his soulmate picked up his phone and began to use it.

At the faint sound of his mother’s laughter, he raised his phone back to his ear, all the while watching Aleks warily. “Mom?”

“Aleks sent me a friend request!” Just what James had feared. “Oh honey, look at him. He’s so handsome.”

James resisted the urge to fling his phone across the room, or bang his head against the table. Both were preferable to this conversation. “Are you stalking him now?”

“No, of course not.”

James couldn’t help but raise his eyes to the ceiling, seeking divine intervention. “Liar.”

“His tattoos are nice. Better than yours.”

Outraged, James could only blink as Aleks erupted into laughter opposite him, having heard every word of the conversation so far. James cursed the fact that his mom had such a loud voice – something that he had inherited from her. “Can I hang up now?”

“One more thing. Can I send him a message?”

That was a much worse request than having each other as friends as Facebook. James could only imagine what conversations his mom and Aleks would have about him, and it was enough to make him feel ill. “Why do you want to talk to him so badly?”

“Why do you think?” His mom retorted. “What about if I just put ‘hi’? That’s not weird is it?”

“Yes, it is. It’s very weird. In fact, this whole conversation is fucked up. Why—” But James broke off when he caught sight of Aleks tapping away on his phone, realising with alarm what was happening. “Aleksandr, you better not—”

“He’s just sent me a message!”

James closed his eyes in resignation, slumping down in his seat. Aleks hadn’t even met his mom, but already they were a formidable force, not be reckoned with.

“How sweet of him. He writes well.”

“I should hope so considering he’s majoring in journalism,” James opened his eyes, rolling his eyes at the innocent smile Aleks aimed his way. “What did the message say?”

Both of their responses were simultaneous, and very similar. “Mind your own business son!” was allied with Aleks signing _secret_ , and James sighed in defeat.

“Right, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone. Call me later so you can tell me everything!”

“Why don’t you just ask Aleks?” James had meant his reply to be sarcastic, but his mom didn’t grasp his tone.

“Good idea. Love you!”

She didn’t even give him a chance to respond before she’d hung on him, likely returning to her facebook stalking of his soulmate.

This time James couldn’t stop himself from dropping his head in his hands, unable to look Aleks in the eye after the humiliating conversation he’d just endured. He wished he’d taken the call outside, but there was no way he could have predicted how intrusive his mother would be. He knew it stemmed from love and her pure happiness for him, but it was still embarrassing.

He heard the scrape of a chair moving across the floor, and then felt a soothing hand on his back.

As Aleks began to massage his skin, rubbing circles through the thin material of his shirt, James could feel some of the tension leaving his body. Somehow he found the courage to sit back up, meeting Aleks’s lingering gaze as he did so. “Sorry about my mom,” He murmured, smiling faintly. “She means well, but sometimes she needs reigning in.” Like Mother, like Son.

_I like her_. Aleks signed with his free hand, the other drifting from James’s back to rest on his chest, directly over his beating heart.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” James whispered, feeling his pulse begin to quicken as Aleks leaned in, closing the distance between them.

_But I like you more_.

James didn’t even have time to process his words before Aleks kissed him, soft and sweet, a gesture that said a hundred things without a single word. It was a little more than a press of lips together, but it cracked something in James’s chest, filling his ribcage with warmth, blurring the harsh edges that had arose over the last few minutes.

And suddenly, James no longer regretted a thing, because it had led to _this_ , to _them_ , and nothing could even come close to the wave of emotion he felt for Aleks in this moment.


	13. Chapter Twelve

Soon James’s favourite time of year arrived: Halloween, which usually meant parties, a load of alcohol and no inhibitions.

But that was how the old him used to celebrate, and he wasn’t going to continue his previous traditions. This year he ignored the barrage of invitations that were sent his way, more than content to spend the evening with Aleks instead.

But Aleks had another idea. He insisted that James go out with his friends, knowing he’d monopolised most of his free time recently. James still couldn’t say no to him, so he begrudgingly tagged along with Joe to one of the biggest parties on campus.

He didn’t bother with a costume, even though dressing up was usually something he enjoyed doing. His heart just wasn’t in it this year; in fact, his heart was a couple of miles away, safe with Aleks.  

He lasted a couple of hours, just to keep his friends appeased, before admitting defeat and bidding them goodbye, only wanting to be with one person. Admittedly Aleks was probably fast asleep by now, but James knew he wouldn’t mind being roused from slumber. Particularly if he arrived with gifts, so he stopped off at one of the local stores and stocked up on discounted candy and beer. He didn’t bother purchasing any Halloween movies, knowing Aleks’s collection would more than suffice, and then headed in the direction of Aleks’s apartment.

Before he knocked on his door, he donned the cheap plastic monster mask he’d bought as a joke.

He didn’t need to wait for long; the door soon opened and his soulmate appeared. Judging from his sweatpants and tank top, Aleks’s typical casualwear, he hadn’t been asleep when James knocked on the door.

Relieved, James offered Aleks the big pumpkin bowl of candy in his arms. “Trick or treat!”

Aleks blinked, glancing down at the offering, before trailing his gaze back to James’s face, concealed by the mask. Suddenly his face splintered into laughter, eyes crinkling in the corners, amused by the sight in front of him.

“That was cheesy,” James reached up to yank his mask off, blowing a wisp of stray hair away from his face. “I’m never doing that again.”

Aleks’s radiant smile, the kind that had James’s heart jolting in his chest, might convince him to change his mind though.

“Shut the fuck up,” He muttered, although he was fighting the urge to smile himself. “Sue me for trying to get in the spirit of things. Jeez.”

_I’m sorry_. Aleks signed, only using one hand as he reached for the bowl of candy with the other.

Then with a wicked smile, he slammed the door shut in James’s face.

James blinked, stunned by the power play. “What the fuck Aleksandr? Don’t tell me you’re only with me for the free food. I’m hurt, truly.”

His attempt at guilt-tripping Aleks didn’t work, and the door remained closed.

“You might have the candy, but I have the beer,” He added, reaching down to pick up the crate that he’d left on the floor. Balancing it under one arm, he went to knock again, only for the door to swing back open.

Aleks made grabby hands for the beer, but James had caught onto his tricks now. “Not so fast,” He murmured, ducking past him to place the crate down on the kitchen counter, alongside the bowl of candy that had been stolen from him before. “Now you’re stuck with me.”

Aleks feigned a grimace, but couldn’t hold it for long for his beaming smile soon smothered it. _I really am sorry._ He signed, still not looking all that sorry. _Also, hi._

“Hi yourself,” James leaned down to kiss him gently, pressing two soft kisses to his lips before pulling away. “Sorry for crashing your evening, by the way. I wasn’t feeling the party. I’d rather stay here with you, if that’s okay.”

_No. Fuck off_. Aleks’s actions contradicted his words when he reached for James to tug him closer, unsatisfied with the welcoming kiss he’d been given.

But if Aleks was a tease, then James was worse. He deliberately tilted his head so that Aleks’s lips missed his, instead brushing against the wiry hair that framed his jaw. “Okay, I’ll leave.”

There was an audible growl from Aleks, displeased that he’d been denied what he wanted.

This time James let Aleks kiss him, his chuckle lost to the unrelenting force that was Aleks’s lips as he sought what he wanted, what he needed.

But James wasn’t submissive for long. That wasn’t his style. He fought back, taking control as he parted his lips, breath stuttering out and ghosting over Aleks’s pliant mouth. He wound his hand around Aleks’s neck, tugging him closer, closer, and sliding their tongues together, enjoying Aleks’s soft moan. It was yearning and devouring, a simmering fire rising and intensifying.

And it was too much.

It took every fibre of James’s willpower to pull away, embracing the rush of oxygen that his lungs so desperately needed.

This wasn’t how he wanted their evening to go. He refused to repeat the mistakes of his past, wanting to savour as much time as he could with Aleks that didn’t involve sex. He didn’t even know if Aleks was ready for that step, and he’d be damned if he pushed him away because of his own selfish desire.

“Are you up for a Halloween movie night?” He asked, still breathless from their impromptu make-out session.

Pupils blown wide, lips swollen, Aleks mustered a nod, as affected by their overwhelming kiss as James was, though he was better at hiding it.

“Great. I’ll grab some movies,” He pressed one last kiss to Aleks’s lips before he left the room, unable to completely hold on to his self-control.

He ended up choosing a variety of movies from Aleks’s room, choosing not to go with anything too frightening in case it triggered something from his soulmate’s past.

When he returned to the living room, the lights were off and Aleks was lighting candles on the mantlepiece, creating the ideal atmosphere. The beer and candy were now on the coffee table, so James placed his array of DVDs alongside them before cracking open two bottles. “Because I’m so nice, I’ll let you choose the movie.”

_Thanks a lot_. Aleks padded over to examine the cases, choosing Cabin in The Woods, which James had never seen. He hoped it wasn’t too scary – it didn’t look as a terrifying as some of the others, but that didn’t necessarily mean it wasn’t horrifying. He popped it into the player before taking a seat beside James on the couch, leaving a small space between them.

Which was probably a good thing, because James was already bored of the film even though it hadn’t started yet. His younger self, his past self, would have made a move by now, especially after what had happened between them in the kitchen, but he refused to waver.

He reached for his beer and a handful of candy instead, used to using food as a distraction. He could see Aleks in his peripheral vision and noticed him taking a swig from his beer too.

He also reached for the whole bowl of candy, placing it on his lap as the opening scene of the movie began to play.

James blinked at him in disbelief. “What the fuck? That’s to share asshole.”

Aleks’s response was to pick up a handful of candy and toss it in his direction, pelting him directly in the chest.

“I don’t even like these ones,” James whined, picking up the ones he could see in the dark and then throwing them back at him. “You’re such a dick.”

Sulking, he turned his attention to the movie, pretending to ignore Aleks. He could feel his gaze but he kept looking forward, calmly taking another sip of his beer.

Then all of a sudden, Aleks moved, pressing up against his side in an instant. The bowl came with him, and he took James’s arm to wrap it around his shoulders.

James couldn’t fight the smile that spread across his face. “Are you scared Aleksandr?” He asked playfully. “Want me to hold you?”

Despite Aleks’s eye roll and the middle finger that was aimed his way, James adjusted his position so that he could hold him a little closer, smoothing Aleks’s scowl. He curled his legs up, settling into James more comfortably as they both turned their attention to the movie.

But the movie didn’t hold Aleks’s interest for long; James estimated that it only took about fifteen minutes for his soulmate to decide to focus on something else…and in this case it was him.

It started with innocent touches; a hand on his leg, a nose nuzzling into him…and then it became soft, featherlight kisses on his neck and wandering hands.

Somehow James managed to place his beer down with a steady hand, as if his body wasn’t rapidly awakening to Aleks’s touch.

It would be the easiest thing to reciprocate, and he wanted to do it _badly_. Every instinct, every nerve ending was telling him to respond, but his willpower was still unwavering.

He was just trying to think of a way to let Aleks down gently when his soulmate’s next move completely obliterated his resolve. He lifted himself up and swung his leg over to straddle James on the couch, and _fuck_ if that wasn’t one of the hottest things James had ever seen.

And there went his self-control. His hands reached up to grasp Aleks’s waist, feeling his lithe muscles ripple through his tank top. He leaned up as Aleks tilted his head down, his eyes fluttering closed, lips parting in anticipation.

But instead of their lips meeting and ending the tension between them, James’s head fell to the curve of his neck. He had to be certain that this is what Aleks wanted.

He planted a soft kiss on his skin, and felt him shiver, his body responding to his so easily. “If you want me to stop, tell me now,” He whispered, tilting his head to brush his lips against his smooth jaw.

When Aleks made no indication that he wanted him to stop, James rose slightly, his lips sweeping across his cheekbone. “Or now,” He murmured, edging closer to Aleks’s lips. “Or—”

Suddenly Aleks cupped his face, yanking him into position, and the rest of James’s words were lost against his mouth.

James kissed him gently, carefully, still trying to do things the _right_ way, but it wasn’t tenderness that Aleks wanted. He knotted his hands in his hair, pulling him harder against him, and James obliged to his silent demand willingly. He groaned softly, low in his throat, and then Aleks was on his back, James’s form settling comfortably on top of him.

The bowl of candy hit the floor with a thump, briefly freeing James from his haze. “This is romantic,” He murmured, reaching between them to brush away some stray pieces of candy. “Someone’s being killed onscreen and I’m pretty sure I’ve got candy stuck to my dick.”

He meant it to be humorous, but there was a lilt to his voice that dragged Aleks’s gaze down to his lips, and the haze enveloped them once again. James fulfilled Aleks’s unspoken wish, leaning in to capture his bottom lip between his own.

The kiss started slowly, mouths parting, and James’s hands found Aleks’s. Their fingers intertwined, their hands fitting together perfectly, like the spaces between their fingers were made for each other.

Another kiss, hot and slick and demanding, and then Aleks’s legs were around his waist, bringing their bodies in perfect alignment. James shivered subtly in response, the tremors rocking through Aleks too, bodies entangled tightly, all smouldering heat and urgency.

But James needed _more_. Heat pooled in his stomach and between his legs, thick and unrelenting like molten gold. His lips changed course, and he began to move down, down, leaving darkening marks of passion that began to bloom along Aleks’s throat and on his sharp collarbone. It was probably alarming, how much the idea of leaving marks thrilled James…and he had never been bothered about it before.

But Aleks was _his,_ and _fuck_ if he wasn’t there to tell people then the hickeys he’d left on Aleks’s skin would do that for him. It excited him, _turned him on_ , and there was still so much more skin to worship.

Testing the waters, he slipped his hand under Aleks’s tank top, palm flat against the soulmark that bound Aleks to him.  

The moment he touched it, Aleks arched off the couch, the breath leaving his lungs.

James smirked, delightedly surprised by the sensitivity of the soulmark, and desperately wanting to see what other kind of response he could elicit from his soulmate.

He began to drag the material up, exposing the black lettering across Aleks’s pelvic bone. His sweats had slipped down too, and James was _so close_ , just leaning down so his lips could make contact –

– when suddenly he heard the front door slam open, and he nearly shit himself.

“The fuck?” He seethed, bolting upright to glare at the intruder.

Who could only be one person: the only one with a key to the apartment.

A very amused Sly stood in the doorway. “What’s going on here then?” He asked cheerfully as he switched on the main lights, causing Aleks and James to flinch at the unexpected brightness. 

When he saw what he’d walked on; the candy all over the floor, their rumpled clothes, their mutually frustrated looks, he shook his head and covered his eyes. “Okay, gross. I don’t want to know.”

James glanced over at Aleks, who looked absolutely _wrecked_ ; reddened mouth, mussed hair, hickeys starting to darken on his skin, and he knew that he didn’t look much better.

Sly’s entrance was both unwanted _and_ welcome. As much as James would have loved to continue what he’d started – and he very much wanted to, wanting to make Aleks feel good – he knew it was too soon. The lust and desire left him as quickly as it had taken him over, and he was glad he had come to his senses in time, with the help of Sly’s arrival.

Aleks also looked a little overwhelmed by what had just happened. He fiddled with the hem of his tank top, cheeks flushing when he met James’s gaze.

James could sense ‘deer in headlights’ when he saw it, and he gave him a gentle smile, hoping it conveyed everything that he wanted to say but couldn’t whilst Sly was listening. _It’s okay, we got carried away, you’re okay now…we’re okay._

He settled back on the couch, lifting his arm as an invitation.

Aleks stared for a moment, and then shuffled closer, tucking his legs underneath him as he relaxed against James’s side.

“Just cuddling, I promise,” James whispered, keeping his voice low as he wrapped his arm around Aleks’s shoulders.

Aleks huffed out a chuckle, ducking his head shyly.

“Mind if I join you?” Although Sly was already moving towards one of the arm chairs, his mind made up.

Aleks signed his okay, and James nodded his head, more than happy to let Sly join them. He’d behave then. “Sure man. Why’d you leave your Halloween party so early?” Being in different crowds, Sly hadn’t been at the party that James had gone to.

“Parties are lame this year,” Sly reached for a beer before settling into a chair, propping his feet up on the coffee table. “I’d much rather hang out with you guys. What’s happened in this movie so far?”

“Honestly, I have no idea.” James squinted at the screen, but could barely tell what was going on.

“I’m going to pick a new movie,” Sly declared, eyeing the DVDs in front of him. “Any objections to The Conjuring?”

When James and Aleks both made noncommittal grunts, Sly got up to change the disc.

“You might have to hold me this time,” James whispered to Aleks, recalling Seamus and Joe telling him how creepy the movie was.

There was a flash of that warm, fond smile, and then Aleks was leaning in. He kissed him gently, before pulling back and tucking a stray tendril of hair that had escaped from his bun behind his ear.

Then he nestled back into James’s embrace, resting his head on his shoulder.

Smiling softly to himself, James dropped a kiss to the top of his head, enjoying the gentle moments between them as much as the charged ones.

Glancing up, he noticed Sly watching them, looking forlorn, but he quickly schooled his expression as he went to sit back down.

James let it go – for now – and the three soon immersed themselves in the movie. They paused it only when Aleks signed that he needed to go to the bathroom, so James quickly seized the opportunity to check in on Sly whilst Aleks was away.

“You okay man?” He asked quietly.

He expected Sly to brush him off, to put on a façade – but Sly just looked defeated.

“No. Don’t tell Aleks…but I went to that party looking for my soulmate. And I failed, again.”

James recalled an earlier conversation he’d had with Sly, when he’d seen his soulmark for the first time. “Don’t see it as failure,” He said, although he knew that his words weren’t going to have much of an impact. He’d been in a similar position to Sly not that long ago, and the last thing he’d wanted was someone telling him how to feel.

“I can’t help it. I look at you and Aleks, and I want what you guys have.”

As profound as his relationship with Aleks felt, James couldn’t help but feel surprised that others viewed them in a similar way. “We’ve only been dating for two weeks.” Not that time meant anything to James, knowing that they could very well be together for the rest of their lives.

Something Sly knew too. “And it’s already the most meaningful and most loving relationship that either of you have ever had.”

James couldn’t argue with that.

Before he could offer him more solace, he heard Aleks’s bathroom door open, signalling his imminent return.

“Don’t say anything to Aleks,” Sly pleaded. “Please.”

Reluctantly James nodded his agreement, not liking the thought of keeping something from Aleks but not having much of a choice. He supposed he could just add it to the list of things that he’d yet to tell Aleks, a list that he didn’t dare mention whilst their relationship was still so new.

He dreaded to think what would happen if his repressed secrets ever came to light – but hopefully they never would.

~O~

Over the next few days, those thoughts were suppressed by the latest anxiety in James’s life: a 10,000 word assignment that was due in three weeks, and he hadn’t even started it yet.

He’d neglected his college work in favour of more sign language classes and dates with Aleks, but he was seriously regretting the choices he’d made as he stared at the blank screen in front of him, alone in one of the campus libraries on a Friday morning.

He’d managed to arrange a meeting with his college tutor the next day so that she could give him some advice, but he knew she wouldn’t be impressed if he turned up without having even attempted to write the beginning of the assignment or at least flesh out the body of the essay.

Just as he was about to evaluate his notes from his previous classes, he heard a welcoming distraction.

“Hey dude, I’ve been looking for you.”

James glanced up, shooting Sly a tired smile as he sat down in the chair beside him. “Hey. How’d you find me?” Although he was sure he knew the answer.

“Aleks told me where you’d be. Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

James cast a forlorn look at his laptop, the screen still smugly illuminating a blank page. “No, not at all. What’s up?”

“I need a favour.”

Nothing good ever came from those words, at least not in James’s experience. He straightened up immediately, giving Sly his full attention – particularly if this favour included Aleks. “Okay, what do you need?”

Sly took a deep breath to prepare himself, as if he knew that what he was about to ask was a lot – and that concerned James even more. “Okay, so there’s this party tonight and I need you—”

“—No.” James knew _exactly_ what party he was talking about, an exclusive gathering that he’d already been bombarded with messages about, and he’d ignored every single one of them because he didn’t have any interest in going. “Trust me, you don’t want to go. Cib’s parties are wild, not your scene at all. Trust me.”

“Come on James, I need this.” Sly turned his beseeching gaze on him, but it wasn’t working.

“I couldn’t get you an invite even if I wanted to. It’s a private party with a limited guest list.”

“Yeah, a private party that you’ve been invited to!” Gone were the pleading eyes, Sly now looking smug. “I may not have recognised you the first time we met, but I knew your name, and I knew your reputation. I know you can get me in.”

James could feel his hands beginning to clench, and he forced himself to uncurl his fingers. “And what reputation was that?” His tone was calm but he was anything _but_ , hating to think what Sly had heard about him.

“That you were a big shot on campus, life and soul of the party.” Sly leaned back in his chair, as if mulling over what he was going to say. “I heard other stuff too, but I don’t think you want to hear it.”

He was right – James absolutely did _not_ want to hear it. He could only imagine what other rumours Sly had heard about him. “Fucking hell,” He sighed, dropping his head in his hands as he prepared to ask Sly the nail-in-the-coffin question. “What does Aleks know?”

He heard Sly snort, but it didn’t ease his tension. “He knows nothing about it. Listen, I’m not bringing this up to blackmail you. I don’t want you to think I’m telling you this so I can hold it over you and Aleks. I’m just saying, you’re right. I won’t get in on my own. I’m a nobody, but you’re not. So let me come to the party with you.”

“I have a date with your roommate.” And James had never been so relieved about that, knowing he’d much rather go to the movies and enjoy a midnight stroll with Aleks than relive his past.

“Aleks can come with us.”

If James had thought Sly’s original request was crazy, this one was _insane_. “What the fuck? Are you fucking serious? No!”

Sly to his credit, didn’t react to James’s protective boyfriend display. “When he finds out that we’re going and that we didn’t invite him, he won’t talk to either one of us for weeks. It’s not like he hasn’t been to a party before, and he’s in a good place right now. He might get jealous at the attention you’ll inevitably receive, so expect a few death stares and some clinginess, but he’ll go if you ask him.”

“Still, I really don’t think this is—”

“—Remember our conversation the other night?”

With startling clarity, James could – and the softer side of him began to mellow out his harsher edges.

“My soulmate could be at that party James. Please do this for me.”

Recalling how sad and lost Sly had looked, and not wanting to see him look like that again, James gave in. “Fine, you win. We can go.”

He was thanked by a tackle shaped into a hug and a kiss on the top of his head, and then Sly was off, bellowing his gratitude over his shoulder in both English and Spanish.

Shaking his head, James turned his attention back to his neglected assignment, forgetting about the party for now, and not thinking about the possible consequences of exposing Aleks to his past.

That was the first mistake he made that day, and over the course of the evening that would follow, it wouldn’t be his last either.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

James _really_ didn’t want to be here. But he’d made a promise, and now he had to stick to it.

An uber had dropped him, Aleks and Sly off on the outskirts of the city, and now they were standing outside one of the most luxurious mansions in Colorado, where the infamous party was taking place.

James was exhausted after spending the whole day working on his assignment, wanting nothing more than to go home and go to sleep, but that wasn’t about to happen any time soon. He was also anxious, worried what his former friends and peers would say about him in front of Aleks. Things were going well between them – really well, and James couldn’t bear the thought of screwing up their relationship so soon.

He glanced over at Aleks now; his soulmate was staring up at the mansion in front of them, possibly contemplating the scene that was concealed inside. He was dressed casually, black jacket and black backwards baseball cap – looking _hot_ , and James knew he’d be hit on tonight.

“You sure about this?” He whispered, capturing Aleks’s attention. If he wanted to bail, James would happily break the promise he’d made Sly and go home. Aleks’s mental state was far more important than anything else.

But to his surprise, Aleks was the epitome of calm. There were no obvious signs of anxiety or discomfort, and he gave James a reassuring smile. _Yeah, it’ll be fun._

“Damn straight,” Sly piped up, agreeing with Aleks’s words. “Can we go in now?”

James knew he’d delayed them long enough. With a sigh, he began to ascend the steps, Sly and Aleks right behind him, and he reached the front door in a matter of seconds. He knocked twice, wondering if he’d be heard over the commotion that was happening inside, but the door swung open.

Standing there was Geoff, an old friend of James’s, and one of the most important guests at the party. When he clapped eyes on James, his face splintered into a beaming grin. “Fucking hell, James Wilson Jr! Is it really you? Come here man.”

A smile adorning his own face, James allowed Geoff to embrace him. Once he’d thought of the man as an older brother figure, and he had to admit that he’d missed him. “Hey Geoff. It’s been a long time.”

“Too fucking right it has,” Geoff pulled back, his smile quickly morphing into a frown. “Where have you been? You better have a good reason for bailing on us for this long.”

_Here goes nothing_. “I met someone.” James reached for Aleks’s hand, relieved when Aleks curled his fingers around his. “So I’ve been too busy to hang out with you lot.”

Geoff turned his gaze to Aleks, looking him up and down with a critical eye. “You have a boyfriend? I never thought I’d see the day when you got tied down. This must be someone special.”

Aleks didn’t look intimidated by Geoff’s piercing stare, returning his gaze coolly, and James couldn’t help but feel proud. “You could say that. Geoff, I’d like you to meet Aleks. He’s my soulmate.”

Gone was the judging gaze, now replaced by an expression of sheer joy. “Holy shit,” Geoff breathed, thrilled for his friend. “Congratulations brother. Aleks, welcome to the family.” He offered his hand to shake, and Aleks stared at it for a beat before taking it.

“Get in here,” Geoff released Aleks’s hand and gave him a gentle shove towards the door. “Everyone’s going to want to meet you.”

Just what James had been afraid of. He followed Aleks inside, noting that Geoff also let Sly inside without asking who he was, probably too excited about James’s news.

As he’d expected, the party was well underway, the typical scene of people drinking and taking drugs, laughing and dancing and generally having a good time. A scene that James used to revel in, but now it just made him uneasy. He had a strong urge to shield Aleks in his arms, wanting to protect him from the memories of his past self.

But it turned out he was the one that needed protecting. Almost instantly he was surrounded by a crowd of people, former friends and former hook-ups, and he lost sight of Aleks and Sly in the chaos.

He made polite conversation for a few minutes, which mostly involved profusely turning down the weed and spiked alcohol that was being offered to him, before making his escape by pretending he needed to piss.

He searched the first floor of the mansion for Aleks and Sly, which took longer than he’d expected because people just wouldn’t leave him the fuck alone. Everyone seemed to want to know where he’d been and who he was fucking; news of Aleks’s presence quickly circulating around the party, and he found himself growing more and more tense the longer he was apart from Aleks.

Eventually he found himself in the kitchen, and he caught sight of Sly rummaging through the many bottles of alcohol that littered the island. Beside him was Aleks, who was watching his roommate with concern, his thin eyebrows drawn together in a frown. Fortunately they were alone, and James immediately made a beeline for them.

Sly clocked him first. “Here comes the man of the hour. Just how many people do you know, exactly?”

“Enough,” James said dryly, enjoying the way Aleks’s face instantly brightened when he saw him walking towards him. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to ditch you guys.”

Sly waved his apology away, and unsatisfied with his answer, continued his original enquiry. “And how many of them have you slept with? So many people here are giving you the bedroom eyes.”

Suddenly regretting his haste to find them, James didn’t miss the way Aleks carefully composed his expression, his face blank of emotion as he waited to hear his response. “None,” He answered, though it was a lie. He’d seen three of his ex-partners already – although he didn’t know if he could class them as exes, as they’d all been one-night stands.

He hated lying, especially in front of Aleks, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He wasn’t ready to have this conversation, and he certainly wasn’t ready for Aleks to learn about his past. This wasn’t the time or the place…and it wasn’t Sly’s fucking business either. He shot him a warning look, a mild threat to keep his mouth shut up, and Sly was clever enough to heed the warning.

“Would you have slept with me?” Sly’s next question was outrageous, but it had shifted the focus away from James’s past so he didn’t mind it – especially when Aleks snorted in amusement.

“Fuck no,” James responded, wrinkling his nose in disgust. He didn’t even have to think about his answer. “You’re not my type.”

Sly didn’t seem offended, and he laughed as he reached for a shot. “What about Aleks? If you saw him for the first time tonight, would you hit on him?”

A question that Aleks also seemed interested in, and he tilted his head as he awaited James’s reply. Which again, was instant.

“Yeah, I would. I’d have a lot of competition, but I’d try to get your attention.” James could picture it, could see Aleks at a party surrounded by a crowd of men and women vying for his attention, could envision himself pushing past them all and making a mischievous joke that would get Aleks’s attention – and therefore into James’s bed. Even without the soulmark binding them together, James was extremely attracted to him, and he would have hit on him in any universe.

Aleks looked pleased by what he’d heard, and a little surprised, as if he had reason to doubt James’s feelings for him. And James didn’t like that, hated that Aleks was questioning the way that he felt about him. He wondered if Sly’s former words were to blame.

“Aleks would have competition too, you lothario, but you’d both find your way to each other,” Maybe Sly seemed to realise the damage he’d done too, and was doing his best to fix it as he reached for another bottle of alcohol – his third, judging from the empties beside him.

“Take it easy man,” James said cautiously, forgetting about Aleks for now and turning his attention to Sly. “Half of this stuff is spiked.” He investigated the stash of alcohol himself, and when he located two untouched bottles of beers, he kept one for himself and passed the other to Aleks.

Sly didn’t seem to heed his concern. “So what’s the plan boys?” He asked, eyes roaming the crowds of people beginning to encroach on their space.

“Let’s just chill,” James was more than content to stay on the sidelines, not interested in dancing, socialising or getting drunk. He noticed Aleks nod his agreement, but Sly scoffed.

“As if that’s possible, with you being a celebrity here. We should mingle, you know, make some friends.”

Sly’s plan seemed innocent enough, but James knew better. “You should be careful. Some of these people are dangerous.”

Sly looked unconcerned. “They’re just college students.”

“Not all of them,” James said darkly, recalling glimpses of older men as he’d made his way around the mansion earlier, knowing exactly what they were here for. “High stakes at a party like this.” More reason to keep Aleks right beside him.

Sly was nodding as he spoke, but James could tell he wasn’t really listening. “Let’s go!” He exclaimed impatiently, snatching up another bottle before sweeping out of the kitchen, presumably in search of something more exciting.

Aleks looked worriedly at him, and James sighed, reaching up to rub his eyes. “Remind me, are we at a party, or are we babysitting?” He asked tiredly, knowing they were in for a long night. “There goes my plan of sneaking you into a dark corner.”

He’d only been half-joking, but Aleks couldn’t resist the flirtation. He arched one eyebrow, leaning back against the counter as he crooked one finger at James, beckoning him forward.

James went willingly, suddenly desperate to affirm his feelings for him. He crowded up against him, just catching a glimpse of Aleks’s content smile before he leaned down to kiss him. He found Aleks’s waist with his fingers, touching the strip of bare skin as he slid his hands under his shirt. He knew when he’d touched his soulmark because Aleks jerked with surprise and then relaxed, his hands running down James’s arms, over his chest, his waist, finding the belt loops on James’s jeans and using them to pull him closer.

When James pulled away, breathing hard against Aleks’s still parted lips, he felt whole again, his earlier anxiety supressed for now.

Aleks’s hands released their grip on James’s jeans, and he reached up to slide his arms around his neck instead. James leaned his head forward, resting his forehead against Aleks’s and closing his eyes to the feeling of hot, uneven puffs of breath against his lips.

He was more than happy to stay like this for the rest of the night, but suddenly the kitchen was filled with the echoes of chanting from another room.

And what they were chanting was enough for James and Aleks to break apart, both exchanging worried looks as they heard Sly’s name being repeated over and over again.

“Fuck,” James exhaled, grabbing Aleks’s hand and then vacating the kitchen, in search of where the chanting was coming from.

They found Sly in one of the living areas, and the chanting had now stopped. Whatever Sly had done to earn the chants, he wasn’t doing anymore, but he was exchanging handshakes and accepting the kisses that were being pressed to his cheek.

James hated to think what he’d done to deserve the crowd’s praise. He pushed his way through, keeping a tight grasp on Aleks’s hand, until they were standing beside Sly.

“Everyone knows my name now,” He greeted them gleefully, another bottle of alcohol in his hand. “Think I can take your social status from you?”

“You’re welcome to have it,” James muttered, casting a degrading eye over the scene around him, a sight that used to bring him such joy but now just repelled him.

Sly seemed surprised by his answer. “Are you really not having fun?”

“This part of my life is over and I couldn’t be happier about that,” James’s words rang with conviction, certain about what he was saying. “I have something much more important.” Or rather, _someone._

He’d never known it was possible to catch someone’s gaze, and see his entire world written in their eyes. But God, he knew it now.

Aleks’s eyes were soft as they watched each other, both oblivious to the disorder around them. In that moment, nothing else mattered. All that existed was _them_.

Until Sly lurched forward, gripping both of their arms, shattering them from their reverie. “Not sure if it’s the alcohol making me nauseous or you two.”

“Let’s get you some fresh air.” James refused to relinquish his hold on Aleks, so had no choice but to tuck Sly under his other arm to guide him towards the patio. Sly’s steps were unsteady due to the substantial amount of alcohol he’d consumed in a short space of time, so it took them longer than it should have done to get outside.

One of the pool recliners was empty, so James directed Sly over to it. He flopped down with a sigh, and Aleks released James’s hand to take a seat beside him, guiding his friend into a sitting position.

“Stay here, I’ll go and get you some water,” James left them on the recliner, crossing the patio and circling around the pool to examine the outdoor bar. He spotted a mini fridge and leaned down, relieved when he spotted a bottle of water. Straightening up, he surveyed the bar for some ice when he felt a warm presence against his back and arms around his waist.

It was familiar, an embrace that he’d enjoyed before, but it wasn’t who he wanted. “Hi there handsome.” The lilt in the voice and the long red fingernails told James exactly who was behind him: Tanya Carter, one of his exes.

James spun around, skilfully extracting himself from Tanya’s hold as he did so. “Tanya, hey,” He said, wincing when she followed his movement, closing the distance between them.

“It’s been a while.” Her blue eyes shone with vigour as she appraised him, her gaze completely carnal, and James knew exactly what she wanted with him.

“It has,” He agreed, not having seen her for a few months. She’d been one of his go-to partners when he’d wanted meaningless sex in the past, and she didn’t have a soulmark either. He used to convince himself that she was his soulmate, but it never felt right between them.

“This party’s lame. I’m sure we can find something more fun to do,” Tanya raised her arms and draped them around his neck, and every instinct he had was telling him to _get the hell away from her_.

So he did, darting backwards out of her arms once again. “I’m sure you could,” He said, ensuring he emphasised the _you_ , “But I’ve met someone.”

Tanya raised one plucked eyebrow, disbelieving of what she was hearing. “You’ve met someone? Really?”

“My soulmate. Turns out I have one after all.” And thank God he did. Aleks had truly saved him, in more ways than one.

“Who is she?” Now Tanya looked jealous, spiteful almost – a side of her personality that James hadn’t seen before.

“He,” He swiftly corrected, enjoying the shock that flashed across her face.

“He? Now that’s a surprise.”

James had never hid his sexuality before, and was amazed to hear that she didn’t know he was bisexual – given his reputation and string of exes.

The urge to show off Aleks to her was too great, and he ignored the warning signal his brain was emitting to keep the two of them apart, and he pointed over at the recliner that he’d left Aleks and Sly on. “He’s over there actually.”

The two were still sitting there, but their gaze was directly focused towards James and Tanya. Both were watching their exchange with narrowed eyes, neither one looking particularly happy, and James wondered how much of their conversation they’d witnessed. He hoped his actions hadn’t shown any reciprocation of feelings towards Tanya, but judging by Aleks’s frown, he’d managed to fuck up somehow.

“The hot brunet? Fuck I’m jealous.”

James had to smile at her remark, understanding the attraction to Aleks all too well.

Before he could respond, Tanya had stalked away, straight in the direction of Aleks and Sly.

_Fuck_.

James hastened to catch up with her, cursing his own stupidity as he followed her path. He managed to catch up with her just as she stopped in front of Aleks and Sly, and she glanced down at them with a smug smile. “Hello boys,” She murmured, a devilish look in her eye.

Avoiding James’s apologetic gaze, Aleks stared up at her, frown easing into a calculating glower. He didn’t rise to his feet, refusing to rise to the silent challenge Tanya was requesting, and James couldn’t help but feel a semblance of pride.

Wanting to break the tension, he cleared his throat. “Aleks, Sly, this is Tanya.”

Aleks managed a tight smile, on edge by her presence, and James turned to Sly, mouthing ‘help’. The least Sly could do was bail him out of the situation, after everything he’d done for him today.

Thankfully, Sly got the hint. “Nice to meet you chica,” He rose to his feet, swooping in to plant a kiss on her cheek. “About time someone came over. Please save me from these sickening lovebirds.”

Tanya tore her eyes away from Aleks, immediately entranced by Sly’s winning personality, and she allowed him to lead her away, back towards the party.

Leaving James and Aleks alone.

James reluctantly turned his gaze back to his soulmate, fearful of what he’d see. Aleks still looked pissed – his arms were now folded, and he raised his eyebrows, a silent demand for an explanation.

“She’s an old friend of mine.” James said quickly, hoping it was enough to appease him.

It wasn’t. Aleks pursed his lips, mouth flattening into a thin line. _Friend_. He signed, his hand gesture harsh, irritated by the obvious lie.

James knew he had to be very careful with his words here. “Okay, not a friend. We were…well, I have a history with her. But it’s nothing you need to worry about. She doesn’t mean anything to me.” His words might have sounded callous, but they were the truth. No one from his past could even compare to the connection he had with Aleks.

He hoped he was earnest enough, not wanting to go into details about Tanya or about any of his exes. He was ashamed of his past behaviour and wasn’t ready for Aleks to see that side of him yet. He was too worthy; he mattered _too much_.  

Aleks took the time to process his answer, dark eyebrows knitting together as he muddled through his thoughts, whilst James waited with bated breath for him to acknowledge his response.  

Eventually Aleks shook his head, face clearing of ire.

“Okay?” James whispered gently, sensing he had chosen to let it go but just wanting to make sure.

Rolling his eyes, Aleks rose to his feet, planting himself in James’s space as he leaned in to kiss him softly. James exhaled, feeling his body relax as Aleks wound his arms around his neck, replacing the memory of Tanya touching him there earlier. Safe and secure in his relationship, he bumped their noses together, enjoying Aleks’s quiet chuckle at the tender eskimo kiss.

A burst of laughter dragged James’s attention away from Aleks momentarily, and he glanced over to the other side of the pool to see Sly and Tanya surrounded by a mass of people, and they were all dancing outrageously to the music blaring out of the speakers nearby. “Looks like Sly has made some friends,” He remarked, pleased that Sly had found himself a better crowd to hang out with, recognising most of the people with him.

And then an idea hit him. “Listen, I’ll be honest with you,” He said quietly, drawing Aleks’s gaze back to him. “I don’t really want to be here. Can we just hide somewhere until Sly wants to leave?” He could see the question arising in Aleks’s eyes, and hastily continued. “We can check in with him later, but I just want to be with you. I don’t want to see anyone else.” He hoped Aleks would appreciate his honesty, like he had done earlier.

And he did, judging from his shy smile and flushed skin, luminous in the dim light of the outdoor lights. He nodded once, agreeing to his plan, and then signed something that James couldn’t understand, but he hoped he said something like _I just want to be with you too_.

“I know where the spare key to the pool house is,” James revealed – he didn’t, but he knew Cib would give it to him if he asked him for it, “Go and grab us some drinks, and then meet me by the back gate.”

Aleks immediately made a beeline for the kitchen, and James left the patio in search of Cib.

It didn’t take too long to find him; Cib was making his way to his bedroom with two girls, and he happily gave James the key when he asked for it so he could “bang your new boyfriend in peace.”

James had no intention of doing such a thing, as tempting as it would have been. Aleks deserved more from their first time together, like rose petals and candles and other romantic shit. Not that James had any experience with romance, but he’d do it all for Aleks.

Aleks was already waiting for him by the back gate as James hurried down the garden, sticking to the shadows so no one saw him sneak away from the party. Both got the giggles as James struggled to unlock the poolhouse, too worried about being seen to even use the torch on his phone as he fumbled his way in the dark, but he got the door unlocked eventually. They slipped inside and James made sure all the blinds were drawn before switching on the light and locking the door behind them.

He’d been in the pool house before; in fact he had passed out drunk many times in the converted building. It was divided into three rooms; a bathroom, bedroom and kitchen/living area. Cib used it sometimes when he wanted to sneak someone over when his parents were home, so James grabbed Aleks’s arm to steer him away when he began to head towards the bedroom. “Don’t get any ideas,” He said lightly. “You don’t want to know what Cib’s done in that bed.”

Wrinkling his nose, Aleks walked over to the couch instead. He placed their beers down on the coffee table before taking a seat on the couch, patting the cushion beside him in invitation.

James went to him willingly, allowing Aleks to tug him down until he was sitting next to him. He went to reach for his beer but was halted by Aleks’s hand cupping his chin, turning his head in his direction instead.

Aleks crashed their lips together, and soon they were trading deep, searching kisses, James’s hands clutching Aleks’s shoulders as he chased the taste of mint gum and beer. They kissed unhurriedly, neither one intending to take it any further than this, despite the steady thrum of arousal that beat in James’s veins.

There was no sense of urgency, just pure desire to _be_ with each other, to share the same space. James had always enjoyed making out, but he’d never felt so content from just kissing someone before. Kissing Aleks was nothing like kissing a random one-night stand; no one could even _compare_ to the reverence and devotion that radiated from Aleks’s touch. He could only hope that Aleks could sense the way he felt about him too.

They bumped noses and nuzzled at each other’s necks, their kisses periodically brought to a halt by the smiles that neither of them could repress.

After a while, they broke apart to settle in front of the TV, switching on an old rerun of the Office, but James was quickly overcome with the urge to touch Aleks again.

A need that Aleks also seemed to share, for he pressed up against him, curling up against his side as James draped his arm around him.

“We’re so fucking domestic,” He remarked, although he secretly enjoyed the cuddling, smile growing when he felt Aleks plant a kiss on his cheek.

Warm and reassured, he settled more comfortably into the couch, head lolling back as his eyes drifted closed. He tried to fight the sudden wave of exhaustion that overcame him but lost the battle, slipping into slumber easily.

~O~

He was awoken about an hour later by fingers carding gently through his hair and soft kisses pressed to his skin. Eyes still closed, James elicited a sigh, knowing he’d wasted their evening together. “Shit, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. That essay really took its toll on me today.”

Aleks hummed in sympathy, understanding the pressure of college all too well, and James opened his eyes. His soulmate was still tucked up against him, watching him with warm brown eyes, and there was not one ounce of annoyance in his expression.

“Were you watching me sleep?” James asked, enjoying the way Aleks immediately looked away, giving away his guilt. “Stalker.” Not that he minded, he’d never had anyone who cared enough to watch over him like that before. His stomach churned with something, the embers of an unfamiliar emotion, and he quickly rose to his feet before he could focus on what it was. “We better go and see what Sly is up to.”

Aleks looked reluctant to leave their haven behind, but finally he nodded and took his hand, allowing James to lead him out of the pool house.

It didn’t take long to find Aleks’s flamboyant roommate; Sly was inside the mansion, surrounded by a bevy of drunk people. He didn’t look much better, and James could tell he was completely and utterly wasted.

Aleks approached him but James hung back, using his phone to call them an uber. He watched Aleks try to engage with Sly, out of ear shot, but he could tell Sly was being a jackass.

Then he witnessed Sly slap Aleks’s hands away when he tried to sign to him, and James saw _red_. Fortunately his booking had been successful, so he shoved his phone into his pocket and stormed over. Sly might have been drunk but James wasn’t about to let him humiliate or alienate Aleks; alcohol was not an excuse to be a dick.

“Can I talk to you?” He demanded, reaching Aleks’s side and towering over Sly.

“I’m a little busy right now,” Sly responded, smiling gleefully when one of his new friends laughed at his answer.

“ _Now_ ,” James snapped, not having the patience for this shit, and he stalked over to the front door, wrenching it open to step outside. He noticed Aleks follow, the anxious frown that he’d had earlier darkening his expression again, and Sly stumbled after him.

When they were a short distance from the mansion, James came to a sudden halt and he whirled around. “We’re leaving,” He announced, ignoring the pissed off scowl that Sly shot his way. “I’ve called us an uber, and it’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“Why?” Sly whined, folding his arms across his chest. “Just because Aleks doesn’t like it here doesn’t mean I should leave too. We’re not attached at the fucking hip.”

James didn’t like it when Aleks’s face clouded over, a blend of hurt and anger, and he had to take a deep breath, wanting to stay calm even though every instinct was telling him to rip the shit into Sly. But he’d give him one more chance. “Look, you’re drunk. You came here for a reason and it didn’t happen tonight, and I’m sorry, I really am. But it’s time for you to go home, before you make a fool of yourself.”

Perhaps that had been the wrong thing to say. Sly reared back as if he’d been slapped, eyes narrowing dangerously. “ _Me_ make a fool of myself? You’re the one who’s fucked half the people in there. No wonder you’re desperate to leave. I’d be mortified too if I was as riddled as you.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” James could hardly believe what Sly had just said, but he knew it had happened when Aleks inhaled sharply, casting his gaze to the ground to avoid looking at him. “None of that is true Aleks.” Another lie, only uttered to protect him, but Aleks shook his head bitterly at the obvious deceit.

“Liar. Go home, and take your party pooper boyfriend with you.”

James was finished with the conversation, knowing if he lingered he’d either punch or strangle Sly to death. He glanced over at Aleks, ready to take him away from the party and start repairing the damage that tonight had caused, but he refused to look at him. Instead he signed something to Sly, but James couldn’t understand what he said.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t enough to placate Sly. “Fuck off Aleks,” He sneered cruelly. “I’m sick of putting my life on hold for you.”

Floored, James let him go, watching as he marched back to the mansion, leaving him and Aleks in a hostile fog of tension that threatened to smother and consume them.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind comments I've received on tumblr and on here...your feedback really does motivate me to keep writing.

Silence between James and Aleks wasn’t uncommon; it was a blanket of security, of trust, of a tranquil stillness between them.

Tonight however, was the first time that the silence stifled them. James could feel the heavy weight of it, suffocating and choking him. He could do nothing but stare at Aleks, unable to say a word to break the strain between them. His mind was reeling, reliving Sly’s words as they rang in his head, intrusive and cruel.

He couldn’t even imagine how Aleks was feeling. His soulmate was still staring at the door that Sly had disappeared through, entrapped in thoughts of his own, and James was powerless to help him.

Suddenly his phone chimed, startling the silence, but the tension between them didn’t falter. “Our uber’s here,” James said faintly, glancing up from his phone screen to look back at Aleks.

Who had turned his back on him as he spoke, stepping away from him to storm down the pathway towards the road.

James hastened to catch up with him, choosing to keep pace behind him rather than walk beside him, unsure if his presence was wanted.

Aleks reached the car first, and he slid into the backseat, slamming the door with a thud that was loud enough to make James flinch. Quickly he circled the car, choosing to join Aleks in the back of it. He didn’t even think about sitting in the passenger seat, wanting to show Aleks that he was still here, still with him, even if he wasn’t wanted.

He noticed the uber driver watching them in his rear-view mirror, eyes flicking between the two of them, and James forced himself to swallow down his self-loathing.

“Hey man,” He said, trying his best to sound laidback but probably failing miserably. “You got the address?” Originally, he was supposed to be staying the night at Aleks’s, but James wasn’t sure if he was welcome anymore. He’d have them driven there anyway and then figure out what was going to happen after that.

“I’ve got it, yeah,” The driver turned his attention back to the road, pulling away from the curb. “That’s a nice place you were at.”

James stayed silent, not wanting to be rude but he wasn’t in the mood for small talk. The driver seemed to understand though, because he didn’t say another word. He switched on the radio instead, turning the volume down so that the music station played quietly in the background. That, and the rumble of the engine, were the only sounds in the car.

Aleks was a statue beside him, motionless and still as he stared out of the window. James kept sneaking glances at him every now and then, trying to gauge his mood, but it was impossible. Aleks’s head was tilted to the side, eyes transfixed by the darkness of night, so James couldn’t see his face. He thought about reaching across the gap between them and attempting to take his hand, but he dismissed the idea quickly, unsure if he could handle Aleks rejecting his attempt at comfort.

Instead he clasped his own hands together and rested them on his lap, respecting Aleks’s space.

The drive to Aleks’s apartment was only about twenty minutes, but it felt like they’d been in the car for much longer than that. The more the silence lasted, the more anxious James became. His hands began to twist together, fingers knotting much like the muscles in his stomach.

Eventually the driver pulled up outside Aleks’s apartment. James fumbled in his pocket for his wallet, still on edge, but Aleks beat him to it. He tossed a fifty-dollar bill on the passenger seat once he’d unbuckled his seatbelt, and then left the vehicle.

James remained in the backseat whilst the driver rummaged in his glove compartment to give him the change, watching Aleks through the window. He stalked into his building without a backwards glance, but James noticed him leave the door ajar.

Feeling a semblance of hope, James took Aleks’s change, murmuring his thanks as he left the car. He followed the path that Aleks had taken and instantly noticed that the elevator wasn’t in use as he entered the lobby. Realising that Aleks had taken the stairs, James braced himself for the impending burn in his legs and headed towards the staircase too.

He figured Aleks must have been moving fast, his temper propelling him forwards, because he didn’t catch up to him as he ascended.

When he reached the sixth floor, he saw that Aleks’s apartment door was open and he headed towards it.

The apartment was dark; Aleks not bothering to turn on any lights, and James slipped inside, shutting the door quietly behind him. He placed Aleks’s change on the kitchen counter, eyes tracking the expanse of the apartment until his gaze landed on Aleks.

He was pacing up and down in front of the bay windows, the lights from the city illuminating the pain and anger that were painted on his face. His arms were folded, as if he was holding himself together, holding everything in, and James could see the fury rolling off him in waves, his body practically shaking with wrath.

The uncomfortable silence had followed James into the apartment, and he wanted nothing more than to stride across the room and take Aleks in his arms. But he was too afraid, scared of rejection but also fearful that Aleks would break from his touch.

So he walked past the kitchen into the living area, his steps careful and quiet as he began to close the distance between them. “Sly was drunk,” He whispered, attempting to restore some peace. “He didn’t mean what he said.” He was angry with Sly too, but what he felt paled in comparison to Aleks. The night’s events had affected Aleks more, so James would try to fix him first before confronting his own feelings.

Perhaps that had been the wrong thing to say. Aleks stopped pacing and he whirled around to glare at James, disbelieving of what he was hearing.

James balked at Aleks’s irritation, knowing that he was one of the sources of Aleks’s pain too, and he looked away, ashamed. “Knew that party was a bad idea,” He said quietly, reaching up to cover his face with his hands, exhausted and defeated.

But as angry as he was at Sly, he couldn’t help but feel responsibility for him. Lowering his hands, he glanced uncertainly at the front door, wondering what Aleks’s roommate was up to now. “Should we have left him there?”

He didn’t expect an answer to his question, but Aleks gave him one anyway. _Fuck him_. He signed, his movement harsh and aggressive, brown eyes ablaze with ire.

“You don’t mean that,” James said gently. He knew that Aleks was suffering, could clearly see how hurt and distressed he was by Sly’s cruelty, the anger a mask for his true feelings.

It was a mask that James was used to wearing himself, he and Aleks more alike than he realised.

And that’s what gave James the courage to resume the walk towards him, hesitant and afraid no longer.

Aleks didn’t give any sign or indication that he didn’t want him near him, and he watched him approach with a sombre gaze.

When they were standing a couple of inches apart, James reached out into the space between them, settling his hand on his shoulder. The moment he touched him, Aleks lowered his arms, letting them hang loosely at his sides. His eyes were wide, beginning to mist with sorrow as he stared back at James.

James edged closer, still unhappy with the distance between them, his ribs hollow with unease. He placed his arms around Aleks’s trembling form, touching him slowly and carefully, aware of the powerful gift of vulnerability he was being given by Aleks as he ran his hands down his back soothingly.

He heard Aleks sigh, and then his hug was being returned. Aleks nestled into him, somehow managing to fill all the empty space in James’s heart as his arms wound around his waist, pressing their chests together. He tucked his head in the curve between James’s shoulder and neck, their bodies slotting together effortlessly like puzzle pieces.

They rocked back and forth, both learning how to breathe in the same space again. James felt the silence shift, no longer repressing but instead easing off and softening, encompassing them in warmth.

“We’ll talk to Sly later, and ask him to apologise,” James murmured, once he’d felt Aleks’s anger dissipate. “And if he doesn’t, I’ll hang him upside down out of the bay windows until he does.”

He felt the curve of Aleks’s smile against his skin and was grateful to have brought him some reassurance. But he still felt anxious, could feel a weight in his stomach as heavy as lead, and he knew he had to address his mistakes too.

He pulled back from their embrace, settling his hands on Aleks’s hips, just to show him that he wasn’t going too far, but that he wanted to talk. He needed to see Aleks’s face, needed to look into his eyes and earn his forgiveness. “What you found out tonight…I’m not that person anymore,” He began, eyes darting away before returning to hold Aleks’s gaze.

Aleks looked startled by James’s admission, so he hastily continued before he lost the courage to talk about his past. “I’ve been with people…a lot of people, and I’ve made mistakes. I just…I don’t want you to think badly of me because of my past.”

And there it was. It wasn’t a detailed recount of his past relationships, but it was an insight, a truth that Aleks should know before their relationship evolved and their feelings grew deeper.

Aleks seemed to understand how much it took for him to tell him that. They were encased in shadow, bathed in slithers of moonlight, but James could see his russet eyes glowing, warm and bright in the dark. He raised his hand, touching the side of his face gently, and signed with his free hand. _I don’t care_.

James blinked, convinced he had misunderstood. “You…you don’t care about my past?”

Aleks nodded, and James exhaled, overcome with relief. “I don’t deserve you,” He whispered, awed and overwhelmed by the man he was bound to.

Smiling tenderly, Aleks traced his lips with the pad of his thumb, and then he leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was gentle, just the softest brush of lips, but it was everything to James. It was warmth and devotion, intimate and intense, and it was the feeling of coming home.

~O~

No more words were spoken that night. They tried to wait up for Sly, and they curled up on the couch together to watch some TV. But James was exhausted, barely able to keep his eyes open, so Aleks quickly gave up on that idea and led him into his bedroom.

Despite it only being the second time that they’d shared a bed, there was no hesitation or awkwardness as they got under the covers. Both were too tired to act on any desire they might have had, just content to hold one another, and slumber found them easily.

James woke the next morning to the shrill sound of his alarm, and he rolled over to grab his phone from Aleks’s nightstand, switching it off with a wince. The first thing he noticed was that Aleks wasn’t beside him, and then he saw a folded piece of paper beside the space where his phone had been.

The note had his name on it, and James reached for it with a smile, wondering what Aleks had written for him.

_James, I couldn’t say all this last night, but I can say it now. I meant what I said – I don’t care about the mistakes you made in the past, but I do care about the present, and I care about the future. Our future._

A kaleidoscope of emotions hit James then: jubilation, affection, bliss, and another unfamiliar emotion; a feeling that made him feel weightless, like his soul was trying to transcend his body. He didn’t understand it, wasn’t ready to confront it, so ignored it for now.

Hurriedly he got dressed, knowing he didn’t have much time with Aleks before he had to leave and meet his college tutor. He tucked Aleks’s note in his jean pocket, wanting to keep it forever, and then left the bedroom in search of his boyfriend.

He found Aleks in the kitchen. He was still wearing the tank and shorts that he’d gone to bed in, and he was barefoot as he moved around the kitchen, cooking breakfast. Music was playing in the background, Aleks’s phone in a docking station, and he moved in time with the song emitting from the speakers. James didn’t recognise it, but it was quickly becoming one of his favourites as he watched Aleks dance. Fortunately, he was out of Aleks’s line of sight, so he could watch him unashamedly, wanting to remember this moment.

He noticed Sly’s sneakers by the front door, the ones he had worn to the party, and James breathed a sigh of relief, knowing he had managed to find his way home.

Aleks was now stirring something on the oven, his back to him. Knowing he would be there for a little while, James took the opportunity to sneak up behind him. He snaked his arms around his waist, planting a soft kiss on his shoulder, lips just touching the edge of Aleks’s tattoo sleeve. “Good morning baby,” He murmured, enjoying the flush that rapidly spread up Aleks’s neck. “Are you making me breakfast?”

Aleks nodded shyly, and James smiled into his skin, moving his head to stamp kisses across his jaw, enjoying the feel of Aleks’s morning stubble. “Thank you,” He whispered, appreciative of the gesture.

Wanting more, Aleks turned in his arms, lips finding James’s easily as he relinquished his hold on the wooden spoon in his hand. He reached up to hold the back of his head, fingers knotting in James’s hair which was down instead of in its usual bun. Something Aleks seemed to like, because he wound his other hand in it too, lightly tugging on the tresses that fell around them like a curtain.

James broke the kiss first, enjoying Aleks’s frown as he stepped away from him. “Don’t you dare burn my eggs,” He said wickedly, knowing he deserved the slap on his arm that Aleks gave him. He took a seat at the kitchen table, tying his hair back into a bun as he watched Aleks plate their breakfast. He seemed to know exactly what James wanted, and he placed a glass of orange juice in front of him as well as his breakfast, which was cooked just how James liked it: eggs scrambled, bacon crispy, toast golden brown.

As they ate, James decided to show Aleks the sign language he’d been learning recently, smiling fondly when Aleks reached out to correct his hands when he made a couple of mistakes with his signing. It was domestic and maybe a little dorky, but James felt content. There was truly no other place he’d want to be.

Aleks looked happy too, a stark contrast to how he’d been the night before, and the party felt like a distant memory, one that James was determined to forget.

When Aleks had finished eating, he reached for the whiteboard and pen that was on the table beside them. **I want to teach you.** He wrote, smile brightening when James nodded, eager to learn more.

That was how the next few minutes were spent; Aleks wrote something on his board, signed it, and James would mimic it. It started off with simple phrases, some that James already knew, but then became more meaningful.

_Touch me_. Aleks signed, and James made sure to remember that one, knowing Aleks was likely to use it in the future. With a grin, he poked him in the side, enjoying the way Aleks rolled his eyes. “You said to touch you,” He reminded him playfully, chuckling when Aleks huffed and turned his attention back to his whiteboard. **Kiss me _._** He wrote, and then signed it.

That was another phrase that James would remember. He signed it back to him, making Aleks smile when he did it correctly the first time.

And then he signed it again, and then once more when Aleks didn’t get the hint. “Kiss me God damn it,” He murmured, scooting his chair back when Aleks stood up, realising what he wanted.

Aleks sank down on his lap, one arm twining around James’s shoulders and using the other to cup James’s face, guiding him into place as he slotted their mouths together. James leaned into it without much thought, because kissing Aleks had become as easy as breathing and he knew he’d never be able to resist the pull that tugged him to Aleks.

Aleks’s eyes were still closed when James pulled away, dark lashes casting thin shadows down his cheeks. He was the most beautiful thing that James had ever seen, and he brushed a gentle kiss against the curve of Aleks’s cheek, lips parted, breath ghosting. He felt Aleks smile, the corner pressed to James’s skin, exuding an enviable calm, as if he had nowhere else he needed to be.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.”

It wasn’t the first time that they’d had a run in with one of Sly’s conquests, but the voice belonged to someone that James had never expected to see in his boyfriend’s apartment, someone who immediately obliterated the warmth of their morning together.

Tanya stood in the kitchen, barefoot and clad only in one of Sly’s t-shirts. “Good morning boys,” She said airily, running her fingers through her tousled hair as she smiled down at them, as if her presence wasn’t completely weird and inappropriate.

The calm instantly shattered and the storm rushed in, taking Aleks and James with it.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

James didn’t even attempt to conceal the horror and shock that was probably carved all over his face. He felt Aleks stiffen, his hand falling away from his face, and James could feel the wound from last night reopening.

Tanya seemed to remember herself then, and she made a half-hearted attempt to cover herself. “I didn’t think anyone would be up,” She admitted, and she backed up until she was standing behind the kitchen island, protecting some of her modesty. “Although it’s nothing you haven’t seen before. Multiple times.”

Caught between anger and astonishment, James was unable to answer. Tanya’s words were deliberate and vindictive, only being uttered to cause friction between him and Aleks. It was working.

Aleks was still seated on his lap, and James felt him clench his hand, the one that had been resting on his shoulder, into a fist, bunching the fabric of James’s shirt as he did so. He looked furious, his jaw stiff with tension as he stared Tanya down.

His roommate chose that moment to join them. Sly strode into the kitchen, stopping short when he saw what he’d walked in on. “Morning amigos,” He said, voice faltering when Aleks turned his withering gaze on him. “So uh…this is unexpected.”

“Strange, right?” Tanya piped up, blue eyes glittering with mirth. “But you know, I have a type.” She was referring to the fact that both Sly and James were Puerto Rican, which everyone in the room understood. Aleks’s eyes narrowed dangerously, the knuckles on his hand whitening, and James sensed he was about to lose it.

“Mind if we join you for breakfast?” Tanya was the perfect actress, refusing to acknowledge the smothering tension in the room – an atmosphere that she had purposefully created.

“Let’s go out,” Sly quickly interjected. “Go and get dressed.”

Tanya took the hint, and she strutted out of the kitchen, winking at James on her way out. Something that Aleks and Sly missed, both too busy staring at one other.

“Don’t be mad,” Sly began, raising his hands in a placating gesture, but Aleks erupted. He launched himself out of James’s lap, striding across the kitchen to shove Sly. Hard.

Then he began to sign, hands moving erratically and angrily, too fast for James to comprehend. He stood up, unwilling to be a bystander, wanting to voice his frustration as well. “What the fuck man?” He thundered, storming towards him. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

Aleks had stopped signing when he heard James’s voice, and he turned to look at Sly expectantly, wanting an answer to James’s question too.

“I’m sorry guys, I can’t explain what happened,” Sly wrung his hands together, his sorrow genuine as his gaze darted back and forth between the couple staring him down. “I drank too much, that’s all I can say.”

His answer wasn’t good enough. Not after all the pain he had caused, especially regarding Aleks. “None of this is okay,” James seethed. “What the fuck have you done?” He couldn’t believe that Sly had allowed himself to be manipulated, that he’d let Tanya into his bed, into his apartment. Tanya knew exactly what she was doing; she must have known that Sly lived with Aleks and was doing everything she could to ruin James’s relationship. He recalled the way she had looked at Aleks at the party last night and cursed himself for not realising her intentions sooner.

Sly groaned, seeming to realise that a simple apology wasn’t going to suffice. “Trust me, I regret everything. I know I said some stupid shit last night, and I really don’t know why I thought bringing Tanya here was a good idea. I’ll get rid of her the first chance I get.”

“Don’t bother.”

Tanya was back in the kitchen, wearing the dress she had worn the night before as she glared at Sly. “James was a better fuck anyway. I’m out of here.”

Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she stormed over to the front door, but she didn’t leave immediately. She paused, turning her head to stare directly at James, much to his displeasure. “When _this_ ends, and trust me it will, call me. I’ll show you what a real relationship looks like.” Then she slammed the door behind her with a loud bang.

Tanya might have left but her parting statement lingered in the air, damaging the three individuals who were still left in the smothering tension. James could feel her words etching into his skin, doomed imprints that left him feeling hollow and empty. 

“Problem solved,” Sly said weakly.

But it wasn’t. Aleks’s anger was still manifesting, so James tried to extinguish it the way he had done last night, brushing aside his own feelings for now.

He reached out for him, wanting to calm him with his touch, but Aleks’s glare made him falter, hand hovering uncertainly in the air.

Aleks shook his head and James dropped his hand, heart stinging from the rejection.

Then Aleks marched out of the kitchen, and both James and Sly flinched at the sound of his bedroom door slamming shut. 

“Fuck,” James whispered, returning to his seat at the kitchen table. He sank down, dropping his head in his hands. Only minutes ago, he was having one of the best mornings he’d ever had, but the memory of it was now tarnished. Remembering the hurt on Aleks’s face, remembering his own pain as Aleks refused his comfort, was enough to bring tears to his eyes, anguished that he’d ruined things between them, _again_.

Maybe Tanya was right.

He heard the scrape of a chair, but the person sitting beside him wasn’t who he wanted. “Aleks will be fine in a while,” Sly said reassuringly, but his words only angered James.

“You’re a fucking dick!” He spat, lowering his hands and glaring furiously at him. “How could you do this?”

“I don’t know,” Sly looked pale, maybe fully beginning to understand the pain he’d caused. “I was drunk and angry with you guys. I guess I just…I wasn’t thinking.”

“No shit,” James responded bluntly, uncaring if his words hurt.

“Why are you so mad?” Sly questioned, immune to the glower that James shot his way as he continued. “Do you still have feelings for Tanya?”

“Of course I fucking don’t!” James snapped, furious that Sly was so self-absorbed to see what was really going on. "I’m mad because of the way you told Aleks about my past, because of the way you fucking treated him last night, and because you thought it was okay to fucking parade my ex in front of his face this morning!” 

Sly’s eyes were fixed on the table, nodding slowly as he digested James’s words. “Aleks shouldn’t care about your past hook-ups. He knows you’ve been with other people.”

“Yes, thanks to you,” James said bitterly. “But we haven’t…” He paused, trailing off just in time, but he’d already said too much.

“You’re taking it slow?” Sly seemed surprised, which confused James, as he’d assumed that Aleks was keeping him up-to-date with his relationship.

He could feel his anger ebbing away then, dropping his own feelings for something more important: an insight to Aleks.  “For the first time in my life,” He admitted. “Because he… _us_ , means something. I’ve never cared about anyone like this, never liked anyone this much. So I’m moving at his pace.”

But Sly continued to look puzzled. “Are you sure Aleks is the one slowing things down? Because I know Aleks better than anyone, and he wants you.”

James straightened up, glad he’d let go of his anger in favour of this conversation instead. “Has Aleks told you that?” He asked, knowing that Sly might be the only one with a true understanding of how Aleks felt.

“He hasn’t had to,” Sly said gently. “Aleks doesn’t divulge everything to me. But I know how he feels about you, and I can recognise desire when I see it. Remember Halloween?”

And James did, with startling clarity. “Fuck,” He sighed. “Maybe it is me putting on the brakes. I just…I don’t want to push him.”

“Why?”

James could only stare at him, blinking owlishly at the stupidity of Sly’s question. “Because of his past, because of his PTSD.” Which James still knew absolutely nothing about, but it kept him up at night, wondering and yet dreading to know what trauma Aleks had gone through that had caused his mutism.

“Oh.” Realisation dawned on Sly’s face. “You don’t have to worry about anything like _that_. Aleks wasn’t…nothing like that happened to him.”

_Thank God_. James released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, placing a hand over his rapidly beating heart. Knowing that, he was more than ready for his relationship to progress. He glanced at his watch, knowing he had to be leaving for college soon, but didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to Aleks.

It was unlikely that Aleks was going to want to see him, so he reached for the memo pad that was on the kitchen table, inspired by the note that Aleks had left for him earlier. Sly seemed to understand his intentions, and he got a pen for him, retreating into the living room after doing so.

James quickly jotted his thoughts down, his writing messy in his haste, but he knew Aleks wouldn’t care about that.

**_Aleksandr,_ **

**_I’m not good with words…you know that, but I’m going to try, for you. I’m sorry our breakfast got ruined. Don’t blame it all on Sly. A lot of what happened is probably my fault – as most things are._ **

**_If I’ve fucked this up, and I know I have, I won’t blame you if you don’t want to see me for a while. If you…if you want a break from me._ **

**_I know we’ve been moving slowly, and it’s not because I don’t want you. I do. So much. It’s because of how I acted in the past. You mean more to me than everyone that came before you. I’ve just been scared I guess, that I’ll ruin this._ **

**_But I just want you to know. I want this. I want you. If you’ll have me._ **

Once the ink was dry, he folded the paper in half and walked over to Aleks’s bedroom, posting the note under his door.

Then he headed for the front door, not bothering to say goodbye to Sly as he bent down to retrieve his sneakers and tie his laces. Straightening up, he checked his pockets for his phone and wallet, smiling slightly when his fingers touched the note that Aleks had given to him, glad to have it if he was going to be alone for the next few days.

He opened the door, about to take his first step out of the apartment when suddenly he heard Aleks’s bedroom door slam open, emitting a loud bang as the metal handle hit the wall. Hurried footsteps pounded across wooden flooring, and he turned to see Aleks skid into the living room, James’s note fisted in his hand.

James froze in the doorway, lips parting, but no words came out.

Aleks didn’t need words. He never had. He broke first, and he crossed the apartment in seconds, dragging James into a kiss that tasted of hearts mending, trust rebuilding and a whole lot of promise of whatever was to come.

James drew in a shuddering breath against Aleks’s lips, kissing him back with equal fervour. He allowed himself a moment to just bask in the joy of being so utterly _wanted_ ; wanted so honestly and openly that it caught him unaware and made his heart ache.

He almost forgot about Sly’s presence, until he heard a rustle of paper as he bent down to retrieve James’s note, which had fallen to the floor when Aleks had kissed him.

James immediately snatched the note away from him, not wanting him to see the contents. He offered it to Aleks who took it back gratefully, folding it carefully to tuck it into the pocket of his shorts.

“No offence, but I don’t think either of us want to see you right now,” James remarked, frowning at Sly and wanting him to leave. Aleks wasn’t even looking at Sly, likely still furious with him, hands reaching for James again with a desperation that James felt too.  

Sly smiled faintly, tipping his head in acknowledgement before heading in the direction of his bedroom.

When James heard his door close, he turned his attention back to who truly mattered. “I’m sorry,” He murmured, sensing he was forgiven, but wanting to check anyway. “Are we…are we okay?”

In response, Aleks raised his hands; fingers forming a phrase that he had taught James earlier. _Kiss me_. He signed, eyes dark with longing, and James couldn’t deny him, needing him just as badly.

The urgency that he felt, the burning need that twined like roots under his skin, he could feel pulsing through Aleks as well as he kissed him. It was the kind of desperation that kept them from putting a closed door behind them, instead making them reach for one another, pulling each other close, breathing each other in like the very air had been missing something vital while they’d been apart.

James couldn’t complain though, not with the way they kept crowding together, kissing until they were breathless, letting their hands linger over anywhere they could get to, seeking reassurance that they were both still there.

Only one sound forced them to break apart: James’s phone pinging with a reminder, and he forced himself to let Aleks ago, knowing he had to meet his college tutor.

With plans to meet later, James kissed him once more before stepping out of the apartment. For the first time, he felt free and unburdened by his past, and he couldn’t help but wonder what else awaited him and Aleks.

He got his answer a week later; an answer that would ultimately alter the course of their relationship again.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

James saw a _lot_ of Aleks after that eventful morning, and the two spent a lot of time together over the next few days, mainly because Aleks needed a reason to be out of his apartment as much as possible. He was still furious with Sly, not that James could blame him, and he certainly wasn’t complaining about Aleks wanting to spend all his free time with him.

His boyfriend even stayed over at his apartment a couple of times, although James had been the perfect gentleman. There had been a few heavy make-out sessions, some over-the-clothes touching, but that had been it. James’s mind was mostly preoccupied by his college assignment, the lengthy 10,000 word monstrosity that had been haunting him lately, and he spent all his spare time on it. He was too stressed out to think about anything else, especially as the deadline was swiftly approaching.  

Most of his evenings were spent in his apartment, with him sitting on the couch on his laptop, furiously typing whilst Aleks sat beside him, watching TV or playing on one of his games consoles. Every now and then he would lean over and read James’s essay, occasionally correcting his grammar or rearranging the structure of his sentences so that his ideas were more cohesive.

Both were so comfortable sharing the same space that it felt like they’d been together for a hell of a lot longer than a month.

And it amazed James, that their relationship was so new, yet he couldn’t bear to imagine his life without Aleks in it; whether that was as a friend, a companion or as his boyfriend.

He could no longer deny what was happening to him; he was falling for Aleks, falling _fast_.

~O~

The following Friday, exactly one week after the infamous party, James was holed up in his apartment, writing the concluding paragraph for his assignment.

He was about a hundred words away from reaching the word limit when a knock on his door startled him out of his thoughts.

Thinking it was Aleks, he stood up and headed over to the door, opening it without looking through the peephole.

His smile faded when he saw who was standing there, quickly replaced by a glare.

“Hey,” Sly said, smiling warmly at him despite the glower that was being directed his way. “Is Aleks here?”

“He’s at the gym,” James said shortly. He hadn’t spoken to Sly since the morning after the party. Like Aleks, he was still stung by what had happened too.

“Can I come in?”

James stared at him, watching as Sly’s smile wilted. “Please.”

Relenting, James stepped away from the door, allowing Sly into his home.

Sly headed towards the living room, and he took a seat on the couch. James followed him, choosing to sit on the armchair so he could look at him directly. He leaned forward, clasping his hands together as he prepared to hear Sly out. He imagined he was here to talk about Aleks, the most profound link between them both.

He was right. “Is Aleks still mad at me?” Sly asked him, eyes dropping to the floor when James snorted.

“What the fuck do you think?” He said bitterly, still enraged by the memory of Sly treating Aleks like a piece of shit.

“And you’re still mad,” Sly noted, unable to ignore the anger in James’s tone. “About what I said about you? About your past?”

“I couldn’t give a shit about that,” And that was the truth; it didn’t matter to Aleks so it no longer burdened him either, easing some of his self-loathing. “I’m mad because of how you treated Aleks. You’re his best friend, the only real family he has, and you fucking broke his heart.” Sly might have been drunk, but he’d used Aleks’s PTSD and mutism in a personal attack, and that was _not_ okay.

James didn’t need to voice that latter part though. He knew, just from looking at Sly’s face, that he was fully aware of the damage he’d done. “I fucked up. Badly. Aleks talks to me, but not like he used to,” Sly looked anguished, and James had never seen him so distressed. “It’s killing me. I’ve apologised to him like a hundred times but nothing has changed. What else can I do?”

“I don’t know,” James said honestly, truly having no idea how to fix the rift between them.

Sly scratched his beard, contemplating. “Well…I have an idea, but you would need to go along with it.”

James looked at him warily, unsure about getting involved between them. He’d been burned before. “Depends what it is.”

“The three of us should go out tonight, and you should invite your friends…Joe and Seamus, right?” At James’s nod, Sly continued. “Let’s have a night where we just hang out with the people who truly matter and replace the memory of that god awful party last week.”

It wasn’t a bad idea; James had wanted to introduce Seamus and Joe to Sly for a little while, liking the idea of sharing a tight-knit friendship circle with Aleks.

Sly seemed to sense he was mulling it over and added his closing argument. “It’ll be a good milestone for you and Aleks – getting all of your friends together, seeing us get on…expanding the family.”

Liking the notion, James reached for his phone. “I’ll ask Aleks what he thinks.” If he didn’t go for it, James wouldn’t try to convince him, not wanting to make him uncomfortable if it was too soon.

Appeased, Sly leaned back against the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table. “If he agrees, make sure to tell him it was my idea.”

**James:** Sly’s here. He wants to know if we want to go out with him, Seamus and Joe tonight. Get everyone together, at a bar or something. No pressure if you’re not up for it.

He was about to put his phone down, thinking that Aleks would be too busy at the gym to check his phone, but he got a response instantly.

**Aleksandr:** Sounds fun!

James blinked in surprise, no idea if he was being genuine or sarcastic.

**James:** Are you fucking with me?

**Aleksandr:** No. I want to go.

**James:** Are you sure? Because I really don’t mind having a quiet night in instead.

**Aleksandr:** I’m sure. I feel safe with you.

That wasn’t the first time that Aleks had told him that, but it still managed to floor James.

His amazement must have been written all over his face, because Sly commented on it almost immediately. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just surprised at something Aleks said,” James glanced up from his phone when an idea struck him, wondering if Sly could give him a little more insight for why Aleks felt that way. “Aleks said he feels safe with me. What does that mean, exactly?”

“It’s pretty self-explanatory,” Sly replied, smiling warmly. “After everything that Aleks has gone through, well, let’s just say he’s finally found his safety net. Since he met you, he’s done things that he never would have considered in the past. You’re good for him.”

Deep down James knew that, as much as the niggling doubts in his mind tried to convince him otherwise. “What can I say back to that?”

Sly shrugged. “Only you can answer that question.”

James stared down at his phone screen, still illuminated from Aleks’s most recent message. Not wanting to take too long to respond, hating the thought of Aleks getting anxious, he wrote what came to his mind first.

**James:** Back at you. You mean a lot to me…you know that right?

It wasn’t quite a declaration of love, James not quite at _that_ place yet, but it was enough.

**Aleksandr:** You matter to me too. I used to imagine what it would be like, being with my soulmate…but I never imagined that it could be like this.

“Why are you smiling like that? What did Aleks say to you?”

Without looking up from his phone, James flipped him off, unashamed of the smitten smile that adorned his face.

**James:** Sly’s asking me why I’m smiling like an idiot.

**Aleksandr:** Tell Sly to mind his own fucking business. Oh, and tell him to meet me at our apartment in an hour. I want to talk to him before we all go out tonight.

James relayed this to Sly, who immediately thanked him for his help, sensing that he was close to earning Aleks’s forgiveness, and then he left the apartment, promising to message him the details of their outing later.

As the door slammed shut behind him, James turned back to his phone.

**James:** Want me to pick you up, or meet you at the bar?

**Aleksandr:** Meeting at the bar is fine.

**James:** See you then <3

It had felt natural to send the heart emoji, but when James saw it in the message, bright red and eye-catching, he cringed.

But that instantly faded when his phone pinged with an incoming message.

**Aleksandr:**  <3

~O~

The rest of the day passed quickly. An hour before he was due to meet his friends at the bar Sly had chosen, James finally finished his assignment.

With a sigh of relief, he closed the lid of his laptop – once he’d saved his work on more than one hard drive, just in case something happened to the original.

Then he spent the next sixty minutes getting ready, wanting to make some effort with his appearance. He trimmed his beard, had a shower, and then dug out his black leather jacket and some tight-fitting jeans, remembering Aleks’s appreciative smile when he’d worn them before.

He was grateful for the jacket when he finally left his apartment, shivering as he stepped out into the bitter November chill.

Sly had chosen a bar in the heart of the city, which James was grateful for because it gave him an excuse to call a cab, as opposed to walking twenty minutes in the freezing cold.

Traffic was good, considering it was a Friday night, and it didn’t take long to get to the bar. James could see a lot of people through the windows as he paid for his fare, and he wondered if anyone else had arrived. Finding a table was going to be difficult, judging from the crowds, so he hoped someone had beaten him here.

He entered the bar, gaze roaming until his eyes landed on a table in the corner, which was occupied by Aleks, Sly and Joe.

Instead of making his way over to them, he hung back, wanting to observe his best friend interacting with Sly and Aleks. From where he was standing, it looked like his boyfriend was trying to teach Joe sign language, Aleks’s eyes crinkling adorably at the corners as he laughed at whatever Joe was saying to him.

It meant the absolute world to him, seeing two of his favourite people getting on so well, and he wanted to be part of it.

So he began to make his approach, pushing past masses of tipsy college students as he crossed the bar, until he was standing right beside their table.

Joe saw him first, and he immediately stood up to hug him, clapping him on the back warmly. “Hey buddy.”

“Hey man,” James glanced at Sly next, over Joe’s shoulder, and Aleks’s roommate tipped his head in acknowledgement.

He deliberately left Aleks till last, knowing that the moment they locked eyes James would be oblivious to everyone and everything around him.

He sat down before making eye-contact, sitting in the empty chair beside Aleks. He noticed his favourite drink in front of him, knew immediately that his boyfriend had been the one to buy it for him, and finally he turned to face him. “Hi baby,” He murmured, draping his arm over the back of Aleks’s chair as he leaned in to kiss him.

_Hi_. Aleks signed when James pulled away, russet eyes molten with warmth. He looked happy and relaxed, James’s favourite look on him, and James felt a sharp pang of affection as they gazed at one another.

“Seamus is running late,” Joe said, drawing James’s eyes away from Aleks. “He was just waking up from a nap when I left.”

James wasn’t surprised, and he shook his head fondly.

Not wanting to waste any of their time together, Sly continued the conversation that he was having before James had arrived, unwilling to wait for Seamus. He and Joe seemed to be hitting it off, but then it wasn’t hard to get along with Joe, who liked everyone he met.

James chimed in occasionally, but he was more conscious of Aleks than anything else. He was always aware of the magnetic pull between them, of the bond that made them soulmates, but tonight it seemed to be heightened. It made the small distance between them suddenly unbearable, and he moved his chair until their legs were pressed together under the table, seeking a physical connection.

Maybe Aleks felt the same. His hand fell to James’s thigh, opening another point of contact between them, but it still didn’t feel like enough.

James had no idea why he felt so possessive; maybe it was the crowds of people surrounding them, or maybe it was his protective instincts rising to the surface.

He was distracted from his thoughts when he noticed Seamus enter the bar, and he waved his friend over.

As Seamus began to make his way towards them, James saw Sly looking him up and down, and knew exactly what he was thinking. Amused, he shared a smile with Aleks, who had noticed it too. Joe however, was completely oblivious.

With a sigh, Seamus sank down on the empty chair they’d saved for him. “Sorry I’m late dude,” He said tiredly, addressing James.

“Hola handsome,” Sly’s gaze was nothing but primal as he observed Seamus, who stared blankly at him.

“Are you drunk?” He questioned, unimpressed by the greeting.

James glanced between them, eyebrows knitting together in a frown as a feeling of deja-vu swept over him. Why did he recognise those words?

He was taking a sip of his beer when it suddenly hit him.

Eyes widening, he choked, nearly knocking his bottle over as he gestured wildly between the two of them. Aleks helpfully patted him on the back, helping him breathe again as he forced his words out. “You…you two…you’re fucking…soulmates!”

He watched the two of them stare at each other in disbelief, and his choking quickly transitioned to laughter, although it sounded more like wheezing. He almost couldn’t believe what was unfolding in front of him, but he was delighted that there was another tie that bound him and Aleks together; two of their closest friends sharing a soulbond of their own.

“Holy shit,” Seamus exclaimed when Sly lifted his t-shirt up, exposing the blue lettering on his chest. He lifted his right leg, showing off the elegant swirl of his soulmark.

Joe and Aleks freaked out then, once they saw the matching soulmarks. James was still laughing, now wiping tears from his eyes.

Sly lowered his t-shirt, looking shy, which wasn’t like him at _all._ He offered Seamus his hand, hesitant and timid – a feeling that James knew all too well, knowing how overwhelmed he’d felt when he met Aleks for the first time. “Hi, I’m Eddie, but everyone calls me Sly.”

Seamus stared down at the offering, before tentatively taking it. “Seamus.”

Neither one seemed to want to let go of the other’s hands, their eyes locked on one another, so James decided to help them.

“Do you two wanna—”

“—Yeah,” Seamus stood up, knowing what James was going to say. “Come with me.”

Hands still clasped, he pulled Sly out of his seat, the two quickly leaving the table. James presumed they were heading outside so they could talk in private, and he shook his head in disbelief as he reached for his beer again. What were the odds?

“I can’t believe that just happened. How amazing is that!?” Joe looked thrilled, genuinely happy for his roommate. “You guys are like one big family now, all bound together.”

Not wanting him to feel left out, James reached over to sling his arm around his shoulder, tousling his hair with his hand. “You’re part of the family too. You’re stuck with me for life.”

Chuckling, Joe shoved him away, but he looked pleased by James’s words.

Aleks watched the exchange with a warm smile, face lighting up when James immediately draped his arm back around his shoulders after moving away from Joe. Something that didn’t escape James’s notice, and he pressed a kiss to Aleks’s temple.

“So what kind of soulmates do you think they’ll be?” Joe asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Too early to tell at this point,” And it was, as Seamus and Sly had only known each other for about five minutes. But James’s words were also a lie; he knew what Sly wanted, from the earlier conversations he’d had with him, but he didn’t know how Seamus felt. And he didn’t feel comfortable speculating about them when really it was no business of his at all. “We’ll see what happens, I guess.”

“Did you know, when you met Aleks?”

Joe had asked the question, but it was Aleks who James chose to look at as he spoke. “Uh…well, I hoped for romance,” Which was the truth – he couldn’t deny that the first thing he’d noticed was Aleks’s looks and how attractive he was, “But I was more than happy to be your friend too, if that’s what you had wanted.” He’d never disclosed that to Aleks before, but he was glad he did when he caught sight of the pleased flush that dusted his boyfriend’s cheeks.

Joe glanced between the two of them, smiling tinged with affection. “Aleks, did you know?”

Without looking away from James, Aleks nodded his head.

“Did you think of me as just a friend, at the beginning?” James asked quietly, suspecting he did.

If James could only use one word to describe Aleks’s answering expression, it would be outrage. Brow furrowing, Aleks shot him a fierce glare, unhappy with James’s assumption…or maybe frustrated by his lack of self-confidence. He shook his head firmly, and James wanted nothing more than to whisk him away and show him just how much that meant to him, devotion and _something else_ warming his skin until it was all he could feel.  

But he couldn’t do that, not right now. “You wanted a piece of this, right from the start?” He remarked impishly, settling for a more light-hearted answer, one that didn’t reveal the depth of his feelings.

_Asshole_. Aleks signed, shoving him with his shoulder, but James didn’t relinquish his hold on him. He tried to kiss him, grinning when Aleks deliberately turned his head so that he missed, but he didn’t see it as a loss. He blew a raspberry against his neck instead, enjoying Aleks’s surprised yelp, which quickly dissolved into laughter when James began to shower his skin with kisses.

“You guys are so cute,” Joe commented, reaching for his drink to take sip.

“I’m cute, Aleks is _just_ okay,” James joked, in one of the best moods he’d been in for a long time.

Not that it lasted, because he felt Aleks pinch his side.

“Aleksandr, what the fuck?” He exclaimed, unable to keep himself from smiling, amused by his boyfriend’s playfulness. “I’m going to get you for that later.”

It was an empty promise, but Aleks seemed to take it seriously. _I hope so_. He signed, eyes challenging his as he took a swig from his bottle.

James wondered if he was misreading things, if he was imagining Aleks being a tease – but then Aleks licked his lips, and he nearly lost his mind.

He took the bottle from Aleks’s hand and placed it on the table with a bang, almost surprised when it didn’t shatter from the force he was exuding. He forgot about Joe, he forgot about the people around them. All he could see was Aleks; his dark eyes, the way they kept darting to look at his mouth, and he knew exactly what his soulmate wanted.

Maybe tonight would be _the_ night.

Unable to hold back any longer, James let the current of desire take him, losing himself to the warmth that he’d felt only moments ago. He kissed him, slowly at first, but then Aleks’s hands knotted in his hair and their kisses grew frantic, messy and open mouthed.

“Gross. Please refrain from humping each other in public.”

When James heard Seamus’s voice he broke away from Aleks, seeing his friend and his new soulmate sitting back at the table. But he didn’t go too far, the need to touch Aleks still thrumming in his veins. An urge that his boyfriend seemed to share, as if they were two teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. But James knew what he was feeling, what they were both feeling, was more than some teenage impulse.

But he’d let it go for now, wanting to be there for Seamus this evening, understanding how overwhelmed he must be feeling.

“What did we miss?” Sly asked lightly, and James looked at him in bewilderment.

“What did _we_ miss?” He countered. “Everything okay between you two?”

Sly and Seamus glanced at each other, as if they were surprised by his concern. “We’re good,” Seamus said eventually, avoiding James’s gaze, which troubled James a little.

He didn’t want to push him, but he didn’t know if he should be a part of this. “It’s okay if you two want to bail. We can do this another time.”

“No,” This time it was Sly who answered. “Tonight is about all of us together. The fantastic five.”

Beaming, Joe raised his glass in a toast. “To the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”


	18. Chapter Seventeen

The next hour passed by smoothly, the five of them easily engaging in loud discussion and laughter. Occasionally James dipped out of the conversation to have one of his own with Aleks. There were no words of course, but there were plenty of lingering smiles and tender touches, tinged with what James could only call devotion.

However, the atmosphere soon took a turn when Sly suggested a drinking game, one so childish that everyone but James immediately voiced their approval. Never have I ever, a game purely designed to find out people’s dirtiest truths, and James could understand why Sly had picked it, obviously curious to find out more about Seamus. He had no interest in joining in, happy to keep his sexual history to himself _thank you very much_ , although he was burning with curiosity to learn about Aleks’s.

But it appeared James didn’t have a choice. All four of his friends ganged up on him, and with a sigh, he poured some of his drink into the glass in the middle, which was already mostly filled with a mixture of the others’ drinks. Sly had even thrown in a sachet of ketchup for good measure, the asshole. James knew he was likely to lose, knew he’d likely be the one downing the dirty drink, and resigned himself to his fate as he held up his hands, starting with the same ten digits as everyone else.  

~

Eight rounds in, and he’d lost every single one of them. Sly wasn’t faring too well either, only left with three fingers, his past as colourful and chequered as James’s. Seamus held one hand up in the air, five fingers left, and Aleks and Joe both still had eight fingers held up.

Despite well on his way to losing, James had learnt a lot about Aleks which had made the game worth it, in the end. That Aleks hadn’t slept with more than ten people, unlike himself, that he’d never done anything sexual in public, again unlike himself. Most importantly; that he’d kissed both men and women, but he’d never had sex with a man.

James wondered if he’d even had sex at all, so used the ninth round, his turn to say something, to find out. “Never have I ever…had sex with a woman.” Of course he had, so he lowered his index finger, leaving him with only his thumb.

Aleks rolled his eyes, seeing right through James’s transparency, and lowered a finger.

A flare of something hot prickled in James’s chest. “Who? How many?” Less than ten, he knew that, but he needed to know more. He blamed the alcohol he’d consumed for the jealousy pulsing through him, eyes narrowing as he appraised Aleks.

Who appeared unaffected by the unhappy frown that was being aimed his way. Aleks briefly lowered two fingers on his right hand, showing James three, and then raised them again.

James knew he had no right to be jealous, especially because his sexual past was so much vaster compared to Aleks’s, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t understand why Aleks was so unbothered by his past, but then his soulmate had proved time and time again that he was a good person, maybe even a better person, than James was.

James didn’t deserve him. And that wasn’t the first time he’d thought that.

Then he noticed that Aleks was watching him, having also tuned out of the game. His expression was a mixture of fond and exasperated, a familiar gaze that James was used to.

“James, you’re out.”

At Sly’s gleeful laugh, James forced himself to look away from Aleks. “The fuck? How do you know?”

“It was ‘never have I ever smoked weed’,” Sly pushed the glass towards him, brown liquid sploshing over the side. “Don’t tell me you’ve never tried it.”

Unable to lie, James shot him a scowl as he picked up the glass. His friends began to chant his name encouragingly, save for Aleks, who was now tapping away on his phone, attention elsewhere.

“Fuck you guys,” James said gruffly, raising his glass in a mock-toast before beginning to down it.

The drink was vile, beer and cider and vodka not a good mix, especially not with clumps of ketchup thrown in as well. James slammed the glass down when he was done, covering his burp with his hand. “I don’t want to play games anymore,” He muttered, wiping excess droplets from his chin.

“Time for shots then!” Sly exclaimed, eyes bright in the dim light of the bar.

Without looking away from his phone, Aleks slid a black credit card across the table, a kind that James had never seen before. Sly took it from him and then made a beeline for the bar, Seamus and Joe in tow.

Leaving James and Aleks alone. James forgot about the credit card, his attention now on Aleks, who was still writing. Hoping he wasn’t ignoring him for his previous jealous behaviour, James cleared his throat, wanting to break the silence. “That drink was gross,” He said with a grimace. “Please don’t kiss me anytime soon.”

That got Aleks to glance up, and he shot James a warm smile as he placed his phone down on the table, seemingly finished with it.

James’s phone lit up with an incoming message, _Aleksandr_ flashing on the screen, and he quickly opened it, wanting to know what Aleks had written to him. The length of the message was the first thing he noticed, Aleks writing what he couldn’t yet sign to him, and James could feel himself sober up as he began to read it.

_I’ve had two serious girlfriends. One in high school, one in my first year of college. The other was a one-night stand. I’ve always been attracted to guys, but I didn’t want to do anything more than kiss them. I guess I had a feeling that my soulmate was going to be a guy and I wanted to wait for them. It’s dumb, but I was saving myself for you._

It was anything _but_ dumb. Aleks’s honesty, Aleks’s feelings for him, struck him like the force of waves crashing the shore in the strongest of tides, and James was lost to the current. “I wish I’d waited for you,” He began, a confession of his own spilling from his lips, unable to stop himself from pouring his heart out too, wanting to level the ground between them. “I just…I didn’t think I could have this. Didn’t think I would ever have anyone.” The truth was unrelenting, seeping out of him after being held in for so long, finally giving Aleks an insight to his past. “So I slept around, as you know. I was seeking a connection I guess, but I never found one. I never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, just a string of hook-ups because I’d given up believing that I was meant to have something more.”

The way Aleks was looking at him, his russet eyes alight with warmth and something more, forced James to continue, safe in the space they’d created together. Safer than he’d ever felt before. “I didn’t know you existed. I didn’t know you _could_ exist. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have acted like that. And I’m sorry, I really am.”

He didn’t know what he expected from Aleks when he finished his speech, but it wasn’t him rising out of his chair, only to take a seat on his lap instead. James could only blink up at him as Aleks shook his head, smiling softly.

And that’s all it was. Aleks only smiled, and yet it was a bright, impossible thing that transformed his face into something resembling a sunrise, and there was that sense in James again – that softness that pushed the rest of the world back and just let the two of them exist. The feeling of falling in love.

He felt Aleks’s fingers brush the side of his jaw, and suddenly Aleks was kissing him. He didn’t seem to care about being in full view of the patrons of the bar, didn’t seem to care about James’s breath from drinking that abomination of a beverage. _He must really like me_ , James thought dazedly, until he felt the rumble of laughter in Aleks’s chest, realising that he’d said it aloud.

Humour left him after that, Aleks’s touch chasing it away and replacing it with pure, unbridled desire. James’s fingers gripped convulsively at Aleks’s back, bunching up the material of the shirt he was wearing, and their kisses were deep now. Deep and hungry, as if neither of them was able to stop.

Until Aleks was wrenched away from him by Sly’s hands. Fortunately James had the sense to quickly circle his arms around his waist before Aleks could lose his balance and fall towards the ground.

“Grab your shots boys!” Sly crowed, clapping his hands as Seamus placed a tray of shots on the table.

James downed four in succession, quickly feeling a buzz after he did so. Combined with the dirty drink and the three beers he’d drunk before, he was on his way to being drunk. It was almost unfamiliar, as it had been a while since he’d allowed himself to get to this state.

They left the bar after that, Sly taking out his phone when they were outside to call them a cab, not ready for the night to be over. He was debating night club choices with Seamus and Joe as he waited for someone to pick up, though Joe didn’t look that keen to go with them.

James would have been happy for their night to continue, but he was keenly aware of his soulmate. Aleks was plastered to his side, and he had slipped his hands under James’s shirt and jacket, tracing patterns into his skin. His fingers danced dangerously close to the hem of James’s jeans, teasingly dipping down until he was touching the band of his underwear.

It was a sign, and not a subtle one. James knew exactly what Aleks was trying to convey, and he was more than happy to give him what he wanted. Now that the truth had been revealed, now that he knew Aleks desired him, James was desperate to be one of Aleks’s firsts tonight.

“You guys are going to have to party without us,” He said, trying his best to sound sincere but finding it difficult with Aleks touching him, “Aleks and I—”

“—Can I talk to you?” Seamus interjected, but he didn’t give James a choice. He latched onto his arm and hauled him away from Aleks, much to James’s displeasure. He was tempted to rebuff him, but Seamus was clearly unnerved by something, and James was nothing if not a good friend.

So he followed Seamus down the alleyway that was next to the bar, until they were out of earshot of the others.

“You’ve gotta come to the club with us man,” Seamus said, restless eyes darting across the expanse of the alley, never quite meeting James’s gaze, “Please don’t leave me alone with Sly.”

“Why?” James asked cautiously, surprised by his friend’s admission. “He’s your soulmate.”

“Exactly!” Seamus said wildly, rocking back on his heels. “And I’m not sure if I’m ready for anything to happen between us.”

“You only met the guy a couple of hours ago,” James reminded him gently, trying to keep him from spiralling. “Just take it easy, and see how things go.”

But Seamus acted as if he hadn’t heard him. “I need you and Aleks there as a buffer in case things get awkward.”

_Hell no_. James wanted to be a good friend, he really did, but he had plans with his own soulmate. Plans that didn’t involve their friends. “Are you fucking kidding me? What about Joe?”

Seamus waved his hand dismissively. “Joe’s got a headache, so he doesn’t want to come with us.”

Between Aleks’s desire and Seamus’s despair, James had never sobered up quicker. Torn between the two, he glanced skywards, looking for divine intervention.

“Please James, for me.”

And that’s what broke him, his friend’s quiet plea. He’d never seen Seamus like this.

“Fine,” James grumbled. “I hope you know what I’m giving up for you.”

Seamus mustered a smile, amused by his remark. “Anyone in a mile radius can feel the sexual tension between you and Aleks. You two can fuck any time.”

If only that were true. James stared at him, wondering just how much alcohol Seamus had consumed tonight if there were suddenly lapses in his memory. “Did you miss the game in the bar? Aleks and I haven’t had sex yet.”

“Why not?” But Seamus didn’t wait for an answer, shaking his head to clear that train of thought. “Doesn’t matter. Look, I appreciate this, I really do.”

“You better,” James replied grumpily, following Seamus back out of the alleyway.

Joe had left, presumably to go home, and Sly was still on his phone. Seamus walked over to join him on the pavement, but James tuned them out, his attention solely on his boyfriend.

Aleks had his arms folded, shivering from the late November chill, so James immediately took off his leather jacket and draped it around his shoulders. He was awarded an appreciative smile for his efforts as Aleks put it on, but there was an unspoken question in his gaze.

James knew exactly what he was asking. “Sorry baby, but we can’t leave just yet. We have to go clubbing with them.”

Aleks huffed in annoyance, breath ghosting through the cold air. _One hour_ , he signed, unwilling to give up their romantic night.

Which was what James wanted to hear. He was aware he probably had the dopiest smile on his face, that feeling of _oh yeah I’m going to get laid tonight_ , but he didn’t care. “One hour,” He agreed. “And then we can go back to mine.”

They shared a heated look, and James wondered if Aleks’s mind was overflowing with the same imagery that swamped his imagination. Of a breathless Aleks writhing underneath him, of hushed moans and roaming hands, of lips touching –

“—Cab’s here!” Sly bellowed, breaking their spell. “Let’s go!”

~O~

Minutes later, they were inside one of the greatest nightspots in town. Music blared from the speakers, raucous and loud, a song that was unfamiliar to James, yet the beat thundered through his veins and jolted up his spine like an electrical current.

The lights were dazzling, flashing beams of blue, red and green to illuminate the mass of bodies flooding the dance floor. His drunken buzz well and truly gone, James didn’t feel comfortable joining in, at least not without another drink to help fuel his confidence.

He was about to voice this to Aleks, but his soulmate was abruptly snatched out of his grasp by Sly, who dragged him into the crowd of faceless strangers.

James shot Seamus a helpless glance, but his friend just shrugged and began to push his way through the mob to follow the path that Sly had taken. James followed, gritting his teeth when stray, wild limbs collided with his back and shoulders as he pushed through the gyrating youth.

He nearly barrelled into Seamus, who was now standing motionless in the middle of the heaving club. And James could see why, once he’d followed his gaze and saw Aleks and Sly dancing.

He couldn’t even focus on Sly, completely and utterly enamoured by the sight of Aleks. His boyfriend was moving his body with such casual assuredness, eyes closed as he danced to the rhythm of the music. He was still wearing James’s jacket, and there was sweat beading on his temples.

_Fuck_ he was hot.

James had never seen Aleks so confident. It made him relinquish his own feelings of self-doubt, and he gravitated towards him, unwilling to be a spectator any longer.

He crowded up against him, startling Aleks for a moment as he grasped at his shoulder, weaving his other arm around his waist. His chest was firm against the contours of Aleks’s back, and he tilted his head to press his lips to the warmed flesh of Aleks’s neck.

He felt Aleks shiver, and then he entangled his fingers with James’s to ensure he couldn’t get away.

Not that James could, even if he wanted to. He was entrapped in Aleks’s thrall, enjoying the infectious heat that radiated from his form. They started to dance together, moving their hips in harmonious synchrony, languid and sensual. Their bodies slotted together effortlessly, fitting perfectly, proving that they were always meant to be.

James couldn’t stop himself from marking his territory, and he kissed and nipped at Aleks’s overheated, damp skin until his neck began to bruise with darkening marks of desire. His fingers strayed under the hem of Aleks’s shirt, sweeping scorning trails of fire across his abdomen, and he felt Aleks’s muscles quivering and tensing under his fingertips.

He wondered if he’d gone too far, but Aleks tumbled his head back on James’s shoulder, eliciting a low moan. The sound reverberated through James, deep and intoxicating, and he wanted _more_.

Then Aleks began to grind against him, with deliberate and tempting swirls of his hips, and James felt like he was suffocating on his own desire. He was too hot and it was all _too much._ With a tremble under his skin and an itch in his bones, he crashed back to reality with startling clarity, remembering where they were.

As much as he wanted to stay in the haze, the temptation to rock back against Aleks was too much. He was _not_ about to be one of Aleks’s firsts in the middle of a nightclub, as much as the primal part of him was _begging_ him to touch him, to mark him, to _claim_ him.

“I’m going to go and get us some drinks,” He yelled over the music, untangling himself from Aleks and turning away from him before he could be tempted to stay.

He willed himself to calm down as he navigated his way back through the crowds of people, knowing he couldn’t take Aleks home just yet.

Like before, people bumped mindlessly into him as they danced, and James felt flickers of irritation as he pushed past them. Once again, he felt out of his depths in the heart of the intoxicated throng of people, but it was almost a welcome relief from the lustful fog he’d just been submerged in.

The bar was swarming with crowds of people, all eager for more alcohol, but James didn’t have the patience to join the queues and wait. Then he spotted a staircase and noticed for the first time that there was large balcony above him that overlooked the dancefloor. There was a smaller bar up there, that looked nowhere near as crowded, so he headed over to the stairs to buy his drinks from there instead.

Before he joined the queue, he paused at the railing, peering over to see if he could spot Aleks on the dancefloor.

And when he did, he did _not_ like what he saw.

He’d expected to see Aleks still dancing, Sly and Seamus together nearby…not Aleks alone.

Except…he wasn’t alone. Not really. There was a guy next to him, standing way too close.

James clenched his hands around the metal rail, hoping the cool metal would subdue the embers of anger that were beginning to flicker in his chest.  

Maybe it was harmless. Maybe it was someone Aleks knew from college.

But then the lights changed, and James saw the discomfort on Aleks’s face as the guy loomed closer to him, his soulmate unable to talk himself out of the situation.

Suddenly the man placed a hand on Aleks’s shoulder, and James saw _red_.

The embers sizzled into an inferno as his rage erupted, and his temper propelled him to the stairs. He descended them easily and then stormed through the mass of people, his vision beginning to tint with scarlet.

This time the dancefloor was easier to traverse, the crowds seeming to part for him, maybe sensing the fury that was pulsing out of him in thick, uncontrollable waves.

He knew when he’d been seen when Aleks visibly sagged with relief, but his gaze wasn’t for his soulmate. It was for the guy that _still_ had his hand on his boyfriend.

So James decided to put his hand on him instead. He curled his fingers around the guy’s shoulder and yanked him. Hard. Enough to put some distance between him and Aleks, James easily slotting into the space between them.

“The fuck’s your problem?” The guy snapped, but his bravado faltered when James glared at him, eyes almost black with wrath.

“You are,” He spat harshly. “Get the fuck away from my boyfriend.”

The guy glanced back at Aleks, raising one eyebrow as if he was about to make a remark about the obvious display of dominance, or even make an inappropriate comment about his soulmate.

No way in _Hell_ was James going to let that happen.

James shoved him but didn’t let him get too far. He wanted to make his message clear. He seized the collar of the guy’s shirt, bunching up the fabric with two fists as he drew him close to his face. “Fuck. Off.”

Not wanting to test James’s patience, the guy raised his hands in a placating gesture.

James released him, fingers still curled into fists as he watched him flee, daring him to look back.

Fortunately, the guy had the sense not to.  

Only when he’d disappeared did he turn to Aleks.

His boyfriend was staring at him, the lights of the club casting dancing shadows across his face, making it difficult to read.

James was immediately anxious, his anger condensing into concern. “Are you okay baby? Did he touch you anywhere else? I’ll kill him if he did.”

Then he looked more closely.

Aleks’s eyes were dark, pupils blown wide with desire, and he was biting his lip. He was the perfect vision of unabashed need, debauched and turned on.

And it was all because of James.

He knew then, that it was inevitable trying to stop what was about to happen.

James wasn’t sure who kissed who first, but they met somewhere in the middle. Aleks kissed him like he was desperate for it, all tongue and teeth, one hand knotted in James’s hair and the other twisted in the front of James’s shirt.

All around him was _Aleks_ , and James needed more.

A sentiment that seemed to be shared by Aleks as well. He pulled away, breathing harshly, only to reach down and grab James’s hand. Then he led him across the dancefloor, walking with such purpose and ferocity that James nearly stumbled trying to keep up with him.

Somehow, they ended up in a dark corridor, around the corner from one of the bathrooms. There appeared to be no one there, but James couldn’t be sure that there weren’t other couples using the cover of darkness to get off.

Not that it mattered. Not with the way Aleks was crowding up against him, allowing James to feel every beautiful, torturous inch of his lithe body.

James crushed their lips together, colliding in a rough and hard kiss, filled with pure, scorching lust and nothing else. He pushed Aleks up against the wall, trapping him against it with his body. He groped around in the darkness until he found Aleks’s hands and then he grasped them tightly, lifting them up until they were pressed against the wall, pinning him more effectively.

Aleks didn’t seem to mind the dominance. Far from it. He went pliant, shoulders slumping and his head falling back, exposing his throat as he panted. James could feel the heat from his skin, and knew he was flushed all over.

James’s own breathing was harsh and uneven, barely able to breathe through the hot tendrils winding around his throat, heady and overwhelming.

He bent to kiss Aleks again, slowly and deeply, and then he began to trail small kisses across Aleks’s jawline, lips ghosting and teeth grazing the sensitive pulse points of his neck. He could feel Aleks shaking underneath him, his arousal peaking from James’s kisses and from the hands pinning his wrists.

“You’re so fucking hot Aleksandr,” James murmured, a frenzied desperation in his voice that he’d never heard before. He was so attune to every sound Aleks was making, enjoying his soft moans and sharp intakes of breath as James sought out every spot that made him tremble in his hold.

He felt Aleks wrench his hands out of his grasp, and then his fingers were roaming underneath his shirt, burning James’s skin with impatience and need. Conscious thought fell away, until all that remained was the urgency of Aleks’s hands on him, fingers pressing hard enough to leave bruises.

James rolled his hips experimentally, _felt_ him, then did it again when Aleks cried out, desperate to find the friction that they were both craving. James couldn’t _breathe_ for how much he wanted, in that moment. His experienced hands quickly found the zipper of Aleks’s jeans, unable to hold back any longer. He wanted, he _needed_ , to touch him.

Aleks elicited a soft moan, canting his hips so that James’s knuckles brushed against his erection. James wished he could see his face as he palmed him through his jeans, wished he could see the arousal that had rendered Aleks into a shuddering mess, complying when his soulmate reached up and dragged him into a needy, desperate kiss.

He could tell Aleks was close, and he hadn’t even touched him yet. Which felt wrong, _why wasn’t he touching him already_ , so James gripped the belt loops of Aleks’s jeans, preparing to drag them down until he could reach what he wanted.

Suddenly an unfamiliar hand on his shoulder and a bright light shattered James out of his reverie. He spun around, protecting Aleks with his body, unwilling for anyone to see the precarious state his boyfriend was in.

It was Seamus who had interrupted them, and he was holding his phone up with the flashlight activated.

James cursed, hand flying up to shield his eyes. “What the fuck Seamus?” He hissed. “You need to leave. Right now.”

“That’s why I’m here. We _are_ leaving.”

“Thank fuck for that,” James grumbled, more than ready to take Aleks home.

“You don’t understand,” Seamus sounded stricken, and that was enough to suspend James’s desire. “Sly wants to leave and take me back to his place. I can’t James. I can’t do it.”

James pinched the bridge of his nose and squinted his eyes shut, unsure how he’d managed to get himself in this situation with Seamus _again_. “Just say no and go home,” He muttered, although he suspected Seamus would ignore his advice.

“I don’t want to hurt him!” He heard Seamus exclaim. “I don’t know what I want. James, please. You have to come back with me.”

“You’re killing me,” James sighed, shaking his head. “You’re actually killing me. Fuck you, man.” He was still acutely aware of Aleks behind him, aware of the predicament he was in, and he was once again torn between being selfish and doing the right thing.

“Please do this. For me. I’ll do anything you want. I need you there buddy.”

And there it was.

James nodded tightly, and Seamus practically wilted with relief. “Thanks James. I’ll see you both outside.”

Once he’d left, James finally braved a look at Aleks, hoping he wouldn’t be too mad. The darkness had returned momentarily with the disappearance of Seamus and his phone light, only to clear when Aleks slid his phone out of his jeans, illuminating the corridor again. He didn’t look too frustrated, likely having composed his expression when Seamus was talking to them, but his cheeks were flushed, and his hair was in disarray. He’d yanked his shirt down too, although it did little to hide the fact that he was still hard.

James could relate, knowing he was in a similar state. He was unsure if they’d be able to continue what they’d started tonight, but he could still hope. “Sorry about that,” He said sheepishly, jerking his head in the direction Seamus had taken.

Aleks just smiled, and he leaned in to press his lips to James’s cheek, gentle and forgiving.

~O~

Twenty minutes later, and they were all in Aleks and Sly’s apartment after taking a cab from the nightclub. They stood in the kitchen, and an awkward silence befell them. Sly was looking at Seamus, who was looking anywhere but at him, and Aleks was staring forlornly at his bedroom door.

James leaned back against one of the counters, folding his arms as his gaze darted between all three of them. If he wasn’t so frustrated, he knew he would find this situation very amusing.

Aleks was the first to break out of the reverie, and he walked to the fridge to grab two bottles of water, tossing one in James’s direction. He caught it easily, unscrewing the lid to take a long swig, feeling dehydrated suddenly.

Aleks’s movement seemed to startle Sly out of his thoughts. “I’ve got an idea. Let’s play a game.”

James wasn’t the only one who groaned, Aleks did too, both tired of Sly’s antics at this point, but Seamus nodded, looking relieved by the suggestion.

“A board game,” Sly added quickly. “No more drinking games. I think Seamus and Aleks have learnt enough about our pasts tonight, James.”

James rolled his eyes, a habit he’d picked up from Aleks, and he noticed his soulmate hide his smile behind his water bottle.

“Help me choose one Seamus? I’ve got loads of games in my bedroom.”

Seamus nodded, and the new soulmates left the kitchen in search of a game.

With a sigh, James wandered into the living area, flopping down on one of the couches to wait. Aleks followed him, and he sat down beside him, reaching for the remote that was tucked between the cushions. He turned on the television and began to flick aimlessly through the channels, eventually settling on an old rerun of The Big Bang Theory.

James draped his arm lazily over Aleks’s shoulders, enjoying the way Aleks immediately nestled into him. He reached up to clasp James’s hand with his own, lacing their fingers together.

Soon ten minutes passed, then twenty, and James was _pissed_. “What the fuck is taking them so long?” He demanded, leaving the warmth of Aleks’s embrace to march across the living room until he came to a halt outside of Sly’s bedroom door.

He raised his arm to knock angrily, only to reel back in horror when he heard hushed moaning and the creak of bed springs. _Fuck, no!_ Quickly he darted backwards, wanting to put as much distance between him and the door as possible. He was going to _kill_ Seamus in the morning.

“They’re fucking,” He announced irritably, walking back over to Aleks. “So much for Seamus not knowing what he wanted. Dick.”

Aleks grimaced, sharing his annoyance.

“Let’s go to bed,” James sighed, offering Aleks his hand. He noticed his boyfriend’s face clear, appraising him with another type of look altogether, and knew what he was thinking. “Just to sleep,” He added hastily. “I can’t have sex with you whilst our best friends are fucking in the next room. The moment’s passed Aleksandr.”

Aleks glared at him in response, but James knew it wasn’t directed at him. “We’ll give them both hell in the morning,” He promised, almost looking forward to ripping the shit into Seamus. “They’ll regret pissing us off.”

Aleks smiled, no doubt plotting insults of his own to reprimand Sly with, and placed his hand in James’s.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

Soon it was December: a joyous month for most, but one of disdain for James and his friends. Impending exams were swiftly looming, and many assignments were due before the Christmas break. Stressed was an understatement; James knew he needed to earn as many credits as he could if he wanted to graduate at the end of the academic year.

As a result, his relationship with Aleks hadn’t seen much development, both consumed by the pressure of college. Most days James’ head was a mess of theoretical knowledge and numbered codes that didn’t seem to make sense.

One night, when he could no longer stand looking at his text books, he messaged Aleks and invited him out to dinner. He thought Aleks would be grateful for the reprieve, but he was wrong; he’d needed a lot of convincing to be pulled away from his studying. His first exam was the next morning, the reason for his reluctance, but somehow James won him over, knowing the break would be good for them both.

~O~

Dinner was a quiet affair, not unusual, but James felt the weight and strain of their education the entire time, Aleks’ mind seemingly elsewhere as they ate. He was no better really, preoccupied by his own stress, so he walked Aleks home immediately afterwards.

He prepared to say goodbye to him with a brief kiss, exhausted and wanting to go home to his own bed, but Aleks’ actions changed his mind. He clung to him at the apartment door, a soft plea in his russet eyes, and James knew he needed him to stay for a little while longer. He didn’t have the heart to leave him, not with Aleks looking at him like that.

He allowed Aleks to guide him into the apartment, and his eyes landed on Seamus and Sly, who were curled up together on one of the couches. A TV show was playing onscreen but James didn’t pay much attention to what they were watching, shooting Seamus a fond smile at the sight of a sleeping Sly draped across him, head pillowed in Seamus’ lap. Their relationship had gone from strength to strength the last couple of weeks, and James was genuinely happy for them both.

He headed over to them, sinking down on the other couch. “Hey man,” He said quietly, not wanting to disturb Sly. Aleks had followed him, and he curled up against him, still seeking comfort as he latched onto James’ hand and laced their fingers together.

“Hey,” Seamus responded, nodding at them both. “How was dinner?”  

“Good,” James said tiredly, resting his head back against the couch. His eyes drifted shut, but he tried to fight his exhaustion by prolonging the conversation. “What are you watching?”  

“I have no idea to be honest. Some crime drama, I think. I haven’t been paying much attention. We were studying for a few hours and then I got bored, so we came in here to chill.”

Seamus’ voice began to fade away, and James slipped into slumber before he could hear the rest of his friend’s story.

~O~

“James… _James_! Wake up!”

James woke with a start, jolting upright when a couch cushion sailed across the air and smacked him in the chest. “What the fuck?” He muttered groggily, his mind a foggy haze due to his much-needed nap being violently interrupted. He noticed Sly sitting up, having woken up from Seamus’ shouting as well. “Why’d you wake me up?”

“Your boyfriend’s been in the bathroom for like twenty minutes. You should check on him.”

That explained the loss of warmth that James felt, his side cold from Aleks’ prolonged absence. He rubbed his eyes, struggling to comprehend Seamus’ words.

Nothing could prepare him for what happened next.

Sly suddenly erupted, lurching off the couch as if the cushions had electrocuted him. His eyes were wide, movement frantic as he darted across the living room. “Fuck! Aleks? Aleks!” He sounded rattled and panicked, emotions that James had never witnessed from him, and it ignited his own fear.

Something was wrong.

Sly disappeared into Aleks’ bedroom but James was hot on his heels, running in after him.

“What’s going on?” Seamus exclaimed as he joined them, the three halting to a stop outside Aleks’ closed bathroom door. “Sly, talk to me. What’s happening?”

James wanted answers too, but he was frozen, only able to watch as Sly pounded his fists against the wooden door. “Aleks? Aleks, open the door! _Aleks_!”

The shower appeared to be running in the bathroom, but it was hard to tell over the noise of Sly striking the door, over and over again.

“Jesus Sly! Why are you freaking out?” Now Seamus sounded scared, and it was all too much for James.

He didn’t understand what was going on, but he recognised the emotion in Sly’s eyes: it was uncontrolled terror, and it meant danger. Aleks in danger. “Stand back,” He commanded, barely recognising his own voice. He sounded calm and authoritative, though he was anything _but_.

Seamus curled his arm around Sly and yanked him back, allowing James to kick the door with all his strength. He heard the fragile lock shatter from the force of his kick, and the door flew open.

The first thing he noticed was the lack of steam, the bathroom feeling unnaturally cold as he stepped inside. The curtain in the bath was drawn, but James couldn’t see Aleks standing behind it.

If he wasn’t standing…then—

— He didn’t allow himself to finish that train of thought. He gripped the curtain and yanked it back, the air leaving his lungs when he saw Aleks, tucked up in a tight ball in the bathtub. His knees were drawn up to his chest, and his head was bowed.

The water from the showerhead was pouring down on him, soaking him through to the bone. The splashback showered James in droplets as cold as ice, glacial shards striking him in the chest and making his heart bleed.

Aleks was shaking violently, _alive_ , but not okay.

James didn’t hesitate. He climbed into the bathtub, falling to his knees beside Aleks’s quivering body. He was drenched almost immediately, his hair plastering to his face and clothes growing sodden from freezing-cold water, but he couldn’t feel a thing. He was numb to everything _but_ Aleks.

He lifted Aleks’ head gently, and his pallid skin was ice under his fingertips. His eyes were closed, his lips tinted with blue, and James broke. “Aleks, _baby_ ,” He rasped, attempting to gather Aleks’ limp body into his arms. “Aleks, I’m here.”

Distantly he heard the showerhead being turned off, but he couldn’t look away from Aleks.

There was no movement, no indication that Aleks had even realised that James was beside him, holding him.

James didn’t know what to do, too scared to stop touching him in case Aleks slipped away from him forever. He raised his hands and clutched Aleks’ face, drawing them together until they were sharing the same air. “Come back to me,” He pleaded brokenly, pressing their foreheads together. “Please Aleks, I need you.”

He didn’t realise he was crying until he felt a stream of warmth cascade down his cheek.

Then he heard a sound; a choked sob, and Aleks’ eyes fluttered open.

“Oh thank God,” James breathed, making no effort to hide the tears that flowed down his face.

With trembling hands, Aleks reached up to cradle his face, mirroring James’ hands on him. Silent tears began to fall from his clouded eyes, streaking lines down his ashen skin.

“You’re okay,” James didn’t know if he was reassuring Aleks or himself, but it didn’t matter. “You’re okay, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

He fell silent after that, unable to say anything else. They clutched at one another, breathing each other in as their minds returned from the dark places they’d been haunted by. Both were shaking, both absolutely shattered from overwhelming emotion.

Until James came to, suddenly aware of the hard acrylic of the bathtub hurting his knees and the damp clothes stuck to his skin. He was reluctant to move, but he knew they couldn’t stay where they were. “We need to move,” He said gently, lowering his hands and edging away.

Aleks elicited a broken sound as he took away their contact, looking so lost and so young that James felt his heart break _again_. “I’m not going anywhere, I’m just getting out of the bathtub,” He continued soothingly, knowing he had to be strong for the sake of them both.

He rose to his feet and stepped carefully out of the bathtub, glad to be back on stable ground. He offered Aleks his hands, withholding a sigh of relief when he took them, and helped him out of the bathtub.

The moment Aleks’s feet touched the floor he attached himself to James again, as if he couldn’t bear the thought of them being apart. Aleks’ hold on him was almost painful, but James didn’t protest. Instead he held him close with one arm, using the other to reach back behind him. He blindly began to walk them backwards, into Aleks’ bedroom. He noticed Sly and Seamus had disappeared and couldn’t help but be grateful for the privacy.

Aleks’ wellbeing was his upmost priority, and they couldn’t stay in the clothes they were in. James didn’t want to break the spell between them with words, so he used his hands to lift up the hem of Aleks’ wet t-shirt, hoping he’d understand his intentions.

Aleks did, and he stepped back a little to allow James to strip him out of his sodden clothes. It was the first time James had seen his boyfriend naked, save for his underwear which was mostly dry, but he didn’t take the time to really look at him, worried by the grey tint of his skin. Quickly he retrieved a towel from the bathroom and began to pat Aleks dry, gently rubbing his skin with the soft fabric.

Aleks watched him with dark, sad eyes, expression numb and empty.

James hated seeing him like that, and he was glad for the excuse to turn away and get Aleks’ robe for him.

Aleks put it on, tying it himself, and then he glanced up at James as if to say, _what next?_

James’ mind was ringing with a mantra of _get Aleks warm_ , and he took his hand to lead him over to the bed. He lifted the covers for him and Aleks got in, movement robotic, as if he was just going through the motions to appease James.

He stared unseeingly up at the ceiling as James removed his clothing, ridding himself of everything but his underwear, and then he crawled into bed beside Aleks. There was a distance between them, making him feel empty and hollow, so he rolled over until he was in Aleks’ space again.

Aleks still didn’t look at him, not even when James hesitantly reached out to touch him. Carefully he placed his hand on Aleks’ chest, wanting to be soothed by the steady thrum of his heartbeat.

As the minutes passed, James felt Aleks’ skin begin to warm, returning to a healthy temperature. He waited patiently, wanting Aleks to respond to him and touch him back, but understanding why he didn’t.

He would wait forever if he had to, because that’s how much Aleks meant to him.

When Aleks finally raised his hands and formed _sorry_ , James let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” James whispered, voice hoarse from the tirade of emotion he’d battled tonight. “Do you…do you want to talk about it?”

_No_. Aleks’ fingers trembled as he signed, but his motion was firm and certain.

James knew he was being selfish when he felt nothing but relief at Aleks’ reply. He wasn’t ready to hear about his boyfriend’s past. They’d been through enough tonight.

Then Aleks turned his head to look at James for the first time, and his eyes were wet with tears.

James didn’t know what to say, unable to think of any words that would bring his soulmate some comfort. He fell back on more familiar territory; physical touch, and he used the pad of his thumb to sweep under Aleks’ eye, catching the first tear as it fell.

More tears began to escape, so James leaned up and pressed his lips softly to Aleks’ skin, kissing them away when they trickled down Aleks’ cheeks. He avoided touching his lips, as much as it pained him, unsure if Aleks was ready for that yet.

When Aleks’ tears slowed, James rolled over, settling on his back. “Come here,” He murmured, lifting his arm so that Aleks could curl up against him.

Aleks settled his head on his bare chest, tangling their legs together, and James began to run his fingers gently through Aleks’ damp hair. He felt Aleks rest his hand on his stomach, but it wasn’t idle for long. Aleks began to trace shapes into his skin with tender fingers, and James wondered if Aleks was trying to write something to him.

He tried to concentrate on the motion of Aleks’ fingertips and was soon able to dismiss the idea that Aleks was writing in English. “Are you writing in Russian?” He asked quietly, the formation of the letters unfamiliar to him.  

Aleks nodded slightly, and he began to repeat the same motions again.

James’ lips curved into a small smile, grateful for the light-hearted moment between them, feeling a semblance of normalcy returning. “Are you going to tell me what you’re writing?”

Aleks paused his movements and raised his hand to sign. _Secret_.

“Asshole,” James said fondly, secretly thrilled when Aleks returned his hand and continued to write Russian into his skin.

~O~

James didn’t know how long they lay there, but they were interrupted a while later by a gentle knock on Aleks’ bedroom door.

Sly walked in, giving them both a small smile, though he couldn’t hide the anxious lines etched into his skin, exposing his concern. “Thought you might want this,” He offered James a robe, similar to the one that Aleks was wearing. “There’s hot cocoa in the kitchen, if you want some.”

James got the hint. He rose from the bed to accept the robe and put it on, understanding that Sly wanted some time alone with Aleks. “Thanks Sly,” He replied, giving Aleks a warm smile as he walked towards the bedroom door. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Aleks nodded, though his gaze was cast towards the floor, feeling the weight of Sly’s eyes on him.

James closed the door behind him, giving the two friends some space, and walked into the kitchen.

Seamus was there, leaning back against the kitchen island, his hands wrapped around a mug of hot cocoa.

“Hey,” James said, trying his best to sound casual, as if the past hour hadn’t happened. He picked up one of the mugs of cocoa, blowing on it gently as he met Seamus’ gaze.

“Hey,” His friend replied, giving him a small smile. “You okay?”

James had to give himself time to think about his answer to that question. He took a sip of his drink, and eventually nodded. He meant it. He was okay, because Aleks was okay. For now, at least.

Seamus accepted his lack of vocal response and didn’t pry, which James was grateful for. He walked over to stand next to him, smiling when Seamus jostled him with his shoulder, his way of comforting him.

The two friends stood in companionable silence, and the tension and strain that had painfully manifested in James gradually began to seep out of him.

“I’ve never seen Aleks like that,” Seamus remarked suddenly, and James’ chest tightened again.

“Neither have I,” James was ashamed when his voice broke, maybe not okay after all. He knew he should address his own feelings, but he was afraid. Repressing them seemed safer, for now.

“He’s lucky you were there,” Sly joined them in the kitchen, stopping by Seamus’ other side. He leaned into his soulmate, closing his eyes when Seamus kissed the top of his head comfortingly. “Thank you James, for what you did for him.”

Uncomfortable with the gratitude, James felt his stomach churn. “I didn’t do anything,” He said faintly.

“You didn’t hesitate,” Sly opened his eyes, piercing James with his steady gaze. “Aleks was in trouble and you were there for him. I can’t thank you enough.”

“I’m not a hero,” Of that, James was certain. “I’m his boyfriend. You would have reacted the same way if it had been Seamus in that situation.”

But Sly no longer appeared to be listening, tilting his head to stare down at the floor. “How could I let this happen?” He said bitterly, anguished and distraught, and James knew he was just as afflicted by what had happened tonight.

“How could you have known that it would trigger Aleks’ panic attack?”

James glanced at Seamus, realising that his friend had more of an insight to Aleks than he himself did. “What triggered Aleks’ panic attack?” He asked cautiously, though he wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear the answer.

Seamus shrugged noncommittally but Sly stared at him, as if surprised by his question.

James waited for a response, but he didn’t get one. Sly looked away, thoughts now elsewhere. “Aleks has an exam tomorrow morning,” He murmured, shaking his head. “Fuck, this really was the worst timing.”

James had two options: persuade Sly into divulging more information or Aleks, or let it go. It wasn’t difficult for him to choose the latter option, unsure if his frayed nerves could handle more emotional trauma tonight.  

“Do we need to take Aleks somewhere?” Seamus asked, glancing over in the direction of Aleks’ bedroom door. “Call his doctor, or something?”

So Aleks had a doctor. Not uncommon, most people did – but the way Seamus had said it made it seem like Aleks’ doctor was _more_ than just the average doctor. James pursed his lips, unhappy that he was the one in the dark, again. How did Seamus have _more_ information on Aleks than he did?

But he’d chosen to let it go, so he didn’t say anything.

“No. We’ll look after him. He’ll be fine,” Sly seemed certain and James knew better than to argue with him. After all, Sly was the one with the best insight into Aleks’ mental health. James wasn’t ready to accept that role from him yet.

“You might have to take Aleks’ drink into his room,” Sly continued, nodding over to the lone mug on the kitchen counter. “I don’t think he’s ready to face all of us together.”

Suddenly desperate to be with Aleks again, James finished his drink and picked up Aleks’ mug once he’d disposed of his own. He bid his friends a quiet goodnight, and he walked back towards Aleks’ bedroom.

The door was open and James paused in the doorway, drinking in the sight of his soulmate. Aleks was sitting up in bed, eyes downcast as he read the textbook in his hands, likely revising for his morning exam. The lamp beside his bed was casting a soft, luminous glow over him, and James was glad to see that some colour had returned to his cheeks, looking more like the Aleks he knew and lo—

—He cut himself off from that train of thought, and he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “Nerd,” He remarked playfully, enjoying the glimpse of Aleks’ responding smile. It was only faint, but James would take it.

_I need to study_ , Aleks signed, as James placed his drink down on the table beside him.

“I know,” James retreated so that he could walk around the bed, moving towards his side. “Mind if I crash here? I won’t distract you from your studying, I promise.” Most of what he wanted to say he left unsaid: that he couldn’t bear to leave him, that just the very _thought_ of leaving him tore him apart, that he just wanted to hold him all night and chase away all his fears.

_Okay_ , Aleks signed, looking relieved, and James wondered if his thoughts mirrored his own.

He retrieved his phone from his damp jeans before settling into bed, plugging in some earphones and switching on Netflix. Fortunately his phone had survived the shower, so James decided to watch an episode of Rick and Morty whilst Aleks studied next to him.

When his episode finished about twenty minutes later, he switched off his phone and placed it on the table beside him, more than ready to fall asleep. As he rolled over, he noticed that Aleks was no longer reading, his book now on the table beside his empty mug of cocoa. He was staring at him, so openly and with such tenderness that James’ breath stuttered. He’d never cease to be amazed that he had someone that could look at him like _that_.

_Thank you_ , Aleks signed, though it was unnecessary.

“From now on, there’ll be no more saying ‘sorry’ and no more ‘thanks’, okay?” James kept his tone light, but he meant every word that he’d said.

Aleks responded by signing something, though James couldn’t understand what he’d signed. Judging by Aleks’s eyes, which were molten liquid warmth, brimming with devotion, he gathered it was something important. “You know I have no idea what you just signed, right?” He said lightly, a bright smile illuminating his face when Aleks laughed, the sound as dazzling and as blinding as sunlight.

He signed the same words again, but James didn’t get another chance to ask what he was saying. Aleks suddenly kissed him, his touch a balm to James’ body, to his soul, to everything. It was life and happiness and the meaning of the universe, and it was _home_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating will be bumped up next chapter - you're welcome ;)   
> Please leave a comment if you're still reading; your support keeps writers like me motivated <3


	20. Chapter Nineteen

One week later, and it was almost as if Aleks’ panic attack had never happened. No one had mentioned it, not even Seamus, though James had contemplated attempting to extract information from him. In the end he’d decided against it, unsure if he wanted to be the one that disrupted the equilibrium that had settled between the four of them.

But he didn’t forget the events of that night. How could he?

So James ensured he saw or spoke to Aleks at least twice a day, and if anyone were to question it, he would tell them it was because of the depth of his feelings for his soulmate. Not exactly a lie, but it was a false truth. He would never be able to confess the real reason; the overwhelming panic and unbearable fear that he felt just at the mere thought of Aleks spiralling again, without him there to pull him back from the brink.

They’d spent a lot of time together at James’ apartment over the last few days, away from the watchful eyes of Sly and Seamus. Aleks seemed more relaxed in James’ home, and James had endeavoured to keep his soulmate unburdened by stress, so it was a logical place to study for their upcoming exams.

Today was no different. They were both sprawled across James’ bed, surrounded by an array of papers and books, their hands linked in the space between them as they studied.

The stillness between them was only interrupted by the continuous sound of Aleks’ phone going off, alerting him to a new message.

James hadn’t bothered to ask who was talking to him, but when he heard the phone chime for the seventh or eighth time, he glanced up from his notes to catch a glimpse of the screen.

And when he saw who Aleks was talking to, it was enough for him to tear his hand out of Aleks’. He bolted upright to glare down at his boyfriend, who wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Aleksandr, what the fuck? Why are you messaging my mom?”

Aleks was looking guiltily down at James’ bedspread, which meant James saw Aleks’ phone screen light up with another message before he did. 

‘Elizabeth Wilson sent you ten photos’.

“Why is my mom sending you photos?” James asked slowly, though he already had a horrifying suspicion why.

He was proven right when he watched Aleks unlock his phone and saw some of his baby photos appear onscreen. Including one of him naked in a bathtub.  

“Fuck _no_ ,” James scrambled for his own phone, bringing up his mom’s number. Teaching her to use the computer was one of the worst decisions he’d ever made. He dialled her number, pointedly ignoring the warm smile on Aleks’ face as he scrolled through his childhood photos.

When he heard his mom accept the call, he launched straight into his tirade. “Mom, what the fuck are you doing? Are you trying to fucking kill me?”

“Language!” His mom admonished, at the same time Aleks smacked him on the leg, neither impressed with James’s profane greeting. “Hello to you too sweetheart. What am I doing, exactly?”

“You know why I’m mad. Why are you sending Aleks messages?” He demanded. “Did you really have to send him my baby photos?”

His mom scoffed, indifferent to her son’s temper. “I didn’t realise I wasn’t allowed to speak to my future son-in-law.”

James’ eyes darted over to Aleks, hoping that he hadn’t heard what his mom had said – but he was met with a bright smile, and he knew that he had. “You’re definitely going to kill me,” James said warily, climbing off his bed and moving across the room to sit at his desk, hoping Aleks wouldn’t hear more of their conversation.

“I’m glad you called honey,” His mom said warmly, as if she hadn’t just declared her son prematurely married, “I want to speak to you about Christmas.”

James glanced at the calendar above his desk, noting that it was only a couple of weeks away. He’d been so consumed by the stress of his college exams and his concern for Aleks that he’d totally lost track of the date. He really needed to start his Christmas shopping. “What’s the plan?” He asked, leaning back in his chair. He’d flown back to Pennsylvania the last couple of years, but now he had Aleks to think about, and he had no idea how his soulmate celebrated. They’d never discussed it, James conscious that Christmas was time spent with family and that Aleks didn’t have any.

“I want you and Aleks to come and stay with me for the holiday.”

James was surprised by his mom’s response, though he really shouldn’t have been. He knew how much his mom liked Aleks, and they hadn’t even met in person yet. “Do you mean that?”

“Of course I do!” His mom exclaimed, frustrated by James’ doubt. “I want both of my sons with me for Christmas.”

Warmth bloomed beneath James’ skin, immersed in a cocoon of his mother’s acceptance and love. As much as he grumbled and complained about her, he knew he was lucky to have her. “Let me check with Aleks,” He murmured, glancing over at his soulmate.

Aleks had been watching him converse with his mother, but he wasn’t giving any indication that he had heard what she’d said.

James took a deep breath, unsure what Aleks’ answer would be. “Mom wants you to come to Pennsylvania for Christmas,” He began, but he didn’t need to say anything else.

Aleks nodded eagerly, and he snatched up the whiteboard that had been laying on the bed next to him. He began to write frantically on it, and James could only watch him in bewildered silence.

**Ask Elizabeth if she wants us to bring anything.**

“Aleks wants to know if you want us to bring anything,” James said to his mom, eyes still on Aleks, who was writing another message.

“Just yourselves.”

**Food? Drinks? Decorations? Christmas jumpers? Games?** Aleks brandished his whiteboard like a sign, tapping it impatiently as James relayed his list to his mom.

Elizabeth laughed softly, delighted by Aleks’ interest. “What a thoughtful young man,” She said warmly, and James couldn’t disagree. “You tell him that he’s already given me the best Christmas present I could ever ask for. All I’ve ever wanted is to see you truly happy.”

There was that encompassing warmth again, the ethereal and weightless buoyancy that transcended James’ body, carrying him like wings. He wasn’t scared of it, not anymore. He looked over at the man he loved, unable to voice what his mother had said, but he could tell Aleks had sensed the shift in the conversation. He returned his gaze with warm eyes and a soft, tender smile, and James fell for him _again_.

“I can’t wait to meet him.”

“I can’t wait either,” James said quietly, unable to look away from Aleks.

“Let me know when you’ve booked your flights, so I know what time to pick you up from the airport.”

“Will do,” James responded, barely listening. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

When he heard his mom hang up, James placed his phone down, enjoying the way Aleks ducked his head shyly when James’ unwavering gaze grew too much. “I guess that’s the next stage in our relationship,” James said lightly, burying the depth of his feelings for now. He wasn’t ready to tell him yet. “Meeting the parents.”

Aleks retrieved his whiteboard, scrawling a quick reply. **We’ve skipped a stage.**

James knew exactly what he was referring to. With everything that had been going on, they still hadn’t had sex. He’d wanted to, _God knows_ he wanted Aleks more than anything, and he knew that Aleks wanted him too. They just hadn’t found the time.

Suddenly Aleks dropped his whiteboard, and before James could do anything, swept all their college notes onto the floor.

James stared down at the mass of paper that was now scattered across his bedroom carpet. “What the fuck are you doing?” He asked, watching in bewilderment as his books followed, hitting the ground with dull thuds.

Now that the bed was clear, Aleks lay down, beckoning James forward with his hand.

“Are you…are you trying to seduce me?” James was still perplexed and could only blink at him from across the room. “Seriously? _Now_?” He was supposed to be in his next exam in an hour.

Aleks looked amused, probably realising the futility of the situation himself, but he wasn’t one to give in so easily – one of the reasons why James loved him. After shrugging his shoulders, he rolled over onto his stomach and did something so ridiculous that James immediately burst into laughter.

“Did you just fucking twerk at me?” This was his soulmate, ladies and gentlemen. “Wow. You know, you’ve never looked sexier. I’m so fucking turned on right now.”

Aleks returned to his original position, back relaxing into the bedspread and his shoulders shaking with breathless laughter. Wanting to be near him, James left his chair and climbed onto the bed. “I’m grateful for your attempt at seduction, really I am,” He murmured, settling his body over Aleks’, “But I’m so stressed right now that I don’t think it’d be great, if I’m honest.”

Aleks reached up to rest his hand against his cheek, and he smiled up at him in sympathy, understanding the stress all too well.

As his thumb traced the contour of his lips, James turned his head to kiss the palm of his hand. “You deserve better,” He whispered, and he did. They would have sex, and _soon_ , but only when their college work was over for the year. 

And it would be worth the fucking wait.

~O~

It was. It absolutely was.

When it happened, it was the day before their flight to Pennsylvania, which also happened to be the day of James’s last exam.

He walked out of the examination hall feeling lighter than he’d felt in weeks, wondering if Aleks had felt the same way after his last exam, which had been a couple of days ago.

James knew he had to go home and pack but he wanted to check in with Aleks first, wanting to finalise their holiday plans. He said goodbye to his friends and wished them a happy Christmas, before walking down the corridor.

He was going to take out his phone and message Aleks, but when he rounded the corner he caught sight of his boyfriend leaning against the wall, near the exit of the building.

There were only a couple of other students nearby, the college campus a ghost town as most students were already home for the holidays, but James paid them no attention, completely captivated by his soulmate.

Aleks hadn’t noticed him yet, engrossed by something on his phone. He was dressed in a leather jacket, tight jeans and a beanie, appropriate clothing for the weather outside – looking _hot_ , and James couldn’t stand to be apart from him any longer.

He crossed the space between them, enjoying the way Aleks brightened when he saw James walking towards him, tucking his phone away to give him his full attention.

“What are you doing here?” James asked happily, closing the distance between them. He opened his arms and Aleks went into them willingly, but he kept his hands free.

_I wanted to see you_. He signed, and then he wound his arms around James’ waist, tucking his head under his chin.

“I’m glad you’re here,” James murmured, dropping a kiss on the top of his head, lips brushing the loose strands that had slipped out of Aleks’ beanie. “Exams are finally over, and now we can relax.”

He felt Aleks nod, and he was pleased when he felt him curl his fingers in the back of his jacket, unafraid of the public declaration of affection.

“Shall we go and get a celebratory drink?” James asked him, feeling the loss when Aleks drew back, releasing him from his grasp so that he could sign.

_No_.

Aleks looked unimpressed with his suggestion, impatient almost, so James tried again.

“Something to eat?”

_Definitely not_.

And then with a startling burst of clarity, James realised why Aleks was here.

Unable to resist teasing him, he pretended that he was still oblivious to Aleks’ desire. “Do you want to meet up with Seamus and Sly?” He asked, struggling to suppress a smile when Aleks shot him a glare, frustrated by James’ naivety.

“You’re going to have to tell me what you want to do,” He continued, his hands finding Aleks’ hips and settling there, “I have no idea what you want.”

_I want you. Now._ Despite the lighting, Aleks’ eyes looked darker than ever, closer to black than their usual brown. The abyss of them was consuming, and every trace of James’ humour left him abruptly.

Something acutely like victory flashed in Aleks’ burning eyes before James roughly yanked him forwards, his triumphant smirk falling away as the breath left his lungs with a quiet gasp.

He ached to close the distance between them, wanted to tease him into submission and kiss him until they were both breathless, but he was keenly aware of where they were. “Let’s get out of here,” He whispered, revelling in the way Aleks shivered just from the promise of his words alone.

~O~

James’ apartment was only a couple of blocks away, and it didn’t take them long to get there, thanks to the pouring rain and their own emotions working as a catalyst to fuel their journey.

The moment the door was closed, James seized the collar of Aleks’ jacket so tightly that Aleks stumbled into him. Their lips collided in a rough, brutal kiss, though neither felt any pain.

They kissed each other with reckless and wild abandon, fiercely and fervently, and every kiss tasted like rain. James clung to Aleks tightly, knotting his hands in his hair, trying to tell him, with every press of his mouth on his, all the things he had yet to say out loud: _I love you, and I don’t know how to be without you._

The grey world around them blazed with colour as they came together, bodies slamming hard against the wall behind them. Frantic hands pushed and pulled until both of their jackets were sodden piles on the floor, and James was free to touch Aleks’ skin everywhere he could; his face, his collarbone, the expanse of skin between his shirt and jeans.

Aleks’ hands were on him too, no shyer than his own, and every touch burned away the rain and the cold. His shirt was almost sheer, thanks to the storm, and James could see everything. His hands slid underneath the material, onto the heat of Aleks’ skin, and he pulled away to drink everything in, as if he was seeing him for the first time. Aleks’ chest rising and falling, the defined muscles of his stomach, and it left James feeling dizzy. He’d seen this much of other men before, of course he had, but it had never mattered.

The way he felt was indefiniable as he stared down at the dark lettering emblazoned on Aleks’ skin, the soulmark that bound them together for the rest of their lives.

If he hadn’t fallen before, he was falling now.

He elicited a noise he didn’t think he’d ever made before and fell back against Aleks, into him, kissing his lips, throat, the pulse there – anywhere he could reach. He could only bear pulling away to yank Aleks’s shirt over his head, needing to touch more of him.

Aleks was just as bold, his hands just as demanding, and James’ shirt met the same fate as the rest of their discarded clothing.

“Bedroom,” James murmured, unwilling to get Aleks off against the wall of his living room. Not for their first time.

He didn’t need to say anything else, didn’t need to ask Aleks what he wanted. His boyfriend was a master at translating with his body what he couldn’t say with words. The way he entwined their fingers together to lead James towards his bedroom. The tantalising way he slid his jeans down when they got there, eyes hot and dark as he gazed at James from across the room. The way he bit his lip as he watched James do the same. The way he knelt on the bed and beckoned James towards him, the distance between them suddenly unbearable.  

James felt it too, wanting and needing that closeness as desperately as Aleks. It was the first time he’d felt that way, despite the many people he’d been with before. He’d always prided himself on his technique and control, but that required evaluation and evaluation required distance, and there was no distance now. There never would be again. He wanted nothing between him and Aleks. He wanted to be consumed, he wanted to fall…he wanted to make love to his soulmate.

James surged forward and claimed Aleks’ mouth in a hungry kiss, gently easing him on his back with the solid press of his chest. Aleks took full advantage of their new position, sweeping eager hands over James’ back and shoulders, parting his legs so that James could settle between them more comfortably.

He kissed Aleks with unbridled passion, pouring everything he felt for his soulmate into it. He didn’t want to use words, Aleks had never needed to, but he needed him to know how much he wanted him, how much he _needed_  him in that moment. One roll of his hips between his boyfriend’s splayed thighs had Aleks whimpering, so James did it again, and again, until Aleks was clawing at his back feverishly, writhing beneath him.

James was also on the verge of losing control, all too aware of the thin fabric of their boxers between them, of the frantic way they were moving together, how it was building a delicious pool of heat that had him changing course. He began to move down Aleks’ body, kissing and caressing as much of his skin as he could until Aleks was boneless under him, only able to shakily stroke James’s shoulders with trembling fingertips. James felt his yearning, felt the burning urge that begged him to go further, and he was powerless to resist.

He rained kisses over Aleks’ stomach, over the taut flesh that bore his soulmark, and he nuzzled against it, lips curving into a smirk when Aleks thrashed underneath him, sensitive and receptive to James’ concentrated touch.

It was intoxicating to know that only he could elicit such a reaction, and James felt drunk from the power. Mind possessively ringing with _mine_ , exhilarated that he was the first man to touch Aleks in this way, he reached down and swept his hand over the full length of Aleks.

Aleks arched off the bed, a soft moan spilling out from his parted lips, tender and red from all their kissing.

“Is this okay?” James murmured, but he didn’t wait for an answer. He continued to stroke lightly over the outline of Aleks through his pants, eyes fixated on his soulmate, who was only able to swallow thickly and nod. He was flushed all over, aflame from the intensity of James’ gaze, breath stuttering out of him as he watched James palm him through his underwear.

James wasn’t a masochist, even though the primal part of him dared him to prolong Aleks’ pleasure. He wasn’t going to deny them both what they’d wanted for a _very_ long time.

With one swift movement, he rid Aleks of his underwear. The sudden blast of cold air had Aleks choking out a gasp, canting his hips in a silent plea.

Eyes dark and full of wonder, revelling in the sight of Aleks so turned on and _all because of him_ , had James reaching for him again, wrapping his fingers around his length.

Aleks was magnificent like this, so honest with his pleasure, body portraying what his voice couldn’t. His skin was glowing, his hair mussed from all the thrashing he’d done, and there were tears shining in the corner of his eyes, all his pent-up emotion rushing to the surface as James stroked him.

He was a mess, and James had never seen anyone more beautiful.

He was so focused on watching Aleks that it caught him by surprise when he felt Aleks’s impatient hands seize the band of his underwear, tugging the material roughly until James got the hint. He pulled his hand away from Aleks to help him pull down his boxers, kicking them aside when they got to his ankles.

Now there were no barriers between them, no physical or emotional hindrances that they needed to overcome. James’ hands pressed Aleks’ thighs apart, raising them to lift and wrap around his waist, needing the closeness, wanting no distance between he and Aleks.

The feeling of Aleks’ bare skin on his was indescribable. James rocked against him frantically, driven by burning desirous impulse rather than co-ordination. Aleks whined, honest to God _whined_ , and James almost came on the spot.  

“You feel so good,” James groaned, lowering his head to mouth along Aleks’ neck as he fought to regain some control.

But his soulmate surprised him with his quick recovery, James choking out a muffled moan when he felt Aleks take him in his hand, wrapping his slender fingers around his length and beginning to stroke him over.

James arched into his fist as best he could, biting his lip at the tight heat of someone else’s hand touching him. It had been too fucking long. With shaking fingers, he reached out and touched Aleks again.

Hungry eyes watched as they worked each other over, in a tangle of needy fingers and frantic, stolen kisses.

“Aleksandr,” James breathed, wrapping his free hand around the nape of his neck and dropping their foreheads together. He angled his body, changing their position until they were lined up, knowing he was close.

He felt the same need pulsing through Aleks, his soulmate urging him to move by grabbing his ass and pulling him to him, grinding them tighter together and rendering James speechless. The hard press of Aleks’ length gliding up his own left James stuttering out unintelligible murmurs. He surged up to claim Aleks’ mouth, kissing him desperately as they moved together, until surges of sharp pleasure forced him away moments later.

“Come for me Aleks,” He whispered hoarsely, the heat of their embrace pushing him towards the crest, teetering dangerously on the edge.

Aleks fell first. He arched beneath him and painted a mess between them, a broken moan tumbling from his mouth.

The sight of him ruined James. He followed him over the edge, trembling through the violent surge of pleasure that whitened his vision.

He felt Aleks ground him through it, holding him tightly and tenderly kissing every inch of his face that he could reach. Fingers that had been clawing desperately at James’ back now slid soothingly up and down, the fervent and hungry embrace softening as the intensity between them dwindled.

There was no rush, no urgency – just sweet, hot satisfaction.

James pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Aleks’ lips before rolling off him, blinking blearily up at the ceiling. “Fuck, that was…” He trailed off before he could finish, words failing him, but Aleks hummed quietly, attune to how he was feeling, because he felt the same.

A comfortable silence settled between them, one that lingered even as James left the bed to retrieve a damp cloth. When they were both clean, they curled up together, both sharing a want to be near each other, an itch beneath their skin that only ceased when they were touching again.

Warmed and protected in Aleks’ arms, James found slumber easily, missing the way that Aleks was looking at him, gaze full of nothing but love.


End file.
